Don't Call It A Comeback!
I just got back from Las Vegas. Holy fun. From Thursday through Monday, I only slept 10 hours. The rest of the time... fun.
I learned many a thing there and probably have about 30 minutes of new material, much of it related to the following lessons.:
1) Don't take a helicopter ride at a strip mall. At some point they may ask you to pedal.
2) Bartenders like the ones in Cocktail don't impress me at all. They are no better than a regular bartender who pours the Jack and Coke straight into the glass. All they are is jugglers in disguise. Jugglers are about 4 steps below magicians on cool-heirarchy of perfomrers.
3) We went into a magic store to absorb its patrons and heard the following: "David Blaine is an pretty good magician, but his stage presence leaves something to be desired." No comment.
4) I saw a guy play a key-tar. There is a picture of it on my pictures or fun page.
5) A lap dance is not going well if you have to tell the stripper to "FOCUS."
6) A lap dance is going extremely well if the cross on her necklace falls into your mouth and it takes a day for you to realize how wrong that is. Didn't taste like sin at the time.
7) My friend John will do shots of butter for $6. That's below crack-whore standards.
8) I bought a sketch of me and Danny Rouhier facing each other. It will be on the website as soon as I can make that happen, as well as many other pictures. My friend Glen called this purchase, my "best decision ever as a consumer." I like that.
9) Danny Rouhier can subtley insult anyone as well as anyone on the planet. There was a drunk girl at a blackjack table with him, Rory and myself. All of us took some shots, but Danny was the best. After the 40th time that she yelled, "Everyone say Yay Jamie," because she won a hand, Danny replied. "No. I'm not saying 'yay Jamie.' Maybe if you only said it after big hands, I would. But you say it after every hand. It's lost it's lustre. You don't say 'boo Jamie" after you lose a hand. Why is that?" Then she tried to interrupt him. He shot back, "Jamie, I'm going to need a little simmer down from you." Then a loser at the table tried to suck up to Jamie by saying, "I'm a big fan of the spirit." Danny deadpanned, "Look, no one is anti-spirit okay. I have no problem with spirit. Just act like you've been here okay. That's all I'm saying. Just act like you've been here. If you haven't... pretend.
10) If a cab driver is an asshole, you can call his wife the c-word and he will agree with you.
I think that is all for now.
More to come...
Come to the Improv tonight. I'm on a show that is being taped for the HBO's US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen.
I just got back from Las Vegas. Holy fun. From Thursday through Monday, I only slept 10 hours. The rest of the time... fun.
I learned many a thing there and probably have about 30 minutes of new material, much of it related to the following lessons.:
1) Don't take a helicopter ride at a strip mall. At some point they may ask you to pedal.
2) Bartenders like the ones in Cocktail don't impress me at all. They are no better than a regular bartender who pours the Jack and Coke straight into the glass. All they are is jugglers in disguise. Jugglers are about 4 steps below magicians on cool-heirarchy of perfomrers.
3) We went into a magic store to absorb its patrons and heard the following: "David Blaine is an pretty good magician, but his stage presence leaves something to be desired." No comment.
4) I saw a guy play a key-tar. There is a picture of it on my pictures or fun page.
5) A lap dance is not going well if you have to tell the stripper to "FOCUS."
6) A lap dance is going extremely well if the cross on her necklace falls into your mouth and it takes a day for you to realize how wrong that is. Didn't taste like sin at the time.
7) My friend John will do shots of butter for $6. That's below crack-whore standards.
8) I bought a sketch of me and Danny Rouhier facing each other. It will be on the website as soon as I can make that happen, as well as many other pictures. My friend Glen called this purchase, my "best decision ever as a consumer." I like that.
9) Danny Rouhier can subtley insult anyone as well as anyone on the planet. There was a drunk girl at a blackjack table with him, Rory and myself. All of us took some shots, but Danny was the best. After the 40th time that she yelled, "Everyone say Yay Jamie," because she won a hand, Danny replied. "No. I'm not saying 'yay Jamie.' Maybe if you only said it after big hands, I would. But you say it after every hand. It's lost it's lustre. You don't say 'boo Jamie" after you lose a hand. Why is that?" Then she tried to interrupt him. He shot back, "Jamie, I'm going to need a little simmer down from you." Then a loser at the table tried to suck up to Jamie by saying, "I'm a big fan of the spirit." Danny deadpanned, "Look, no one is anti-spirit okay. I have no problem with spirit. Just act like you've been here okay. That's all I'm saying. Just act like you've been here. If you haven't... pretend.
10) If a cab driver is an asshole, you can call his wife the c-word and he will agree with you.
I think that is all for now.
More to come...
Come to the Improv tonight. I'm on a show that is being taped for the HBO's US Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen.
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 1:38 PM
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