Because some things just need to happen

If you were at the Comedy Spot last night, I’m sorry. Also, if you weren’t there, I’m sorry as well. You missed a train wreck. We all had decent sets, but here are some of the things that happened:

1. Justin Schlegel made fun of someone in the crowd who was talking. I think he even used the word “retard,” only to find out that the kid was actually retarded. Very retarded.
2. Rory Scovel, Justin, Jon Mumma and I all decided to wear mesh vests (no undershirt) that we found in the greenroom. One person backed out, so we scrapped the idea.
3. Toward the end of my set, I heard a sound from the greenroom, which is just to the side of the stage,that sounded like a raptor or something. I tried to ignore it, but after about 15 seconds I caved in and started laughing. The crowd didn’t hear the noise, so I just looked like an idiot. Also, during my set, I got a visual confirmation for Justin that the kid was in fact retarded. When he laughed, his body bobbed up and down like those bird things that dip into water. That was a vague reference. I found out that the squawk was a rubber chicken.
4. Rory was next. I waited until he got going, and decided to go to the edge of the stage and squeeze the rubber chicken. I didn’t know how to make the sound stop and it squawked for a good 10 seconds, thus further derailing the show.
5. In the greenroom, after Rory’s set, Jon Mumma got into the costumes. He found a kimono, stripped to his boxers and put it on, along with huge black framed glasses and a Crocodile Dundee hat. Rory, Justin, James Jones and I decided to join in on the fun. Guerrilla comedy was to ensue.
6. Jon’s set started. None of us were wearing shirts, but we were wearing scarves. I had a guitar. Justin and Rory were holding 3 feet tall spoons and forks. James was riding a hobby horse while yelling, “trot, trot, gallop, trot, trot, gallop.” We basically had no idea what we were doing. It was so hilarious in the greenroom though. While reading from a DOH pamphlet on abstinence, Jon point at a woman with a walker and said, “You know what I’m talking about.” At one point, the show’s organizer, Chris Barrylick, screamed, “What the hell are you guys doing?” No more than 20 seconds later, we had a shirtless Barrylick on stage, dry-humping Jon with an incredible amount of fury. Things got pretty uncomfortable and we had no idea of how to end it, but had to figure something out. Our solution: dead silence. Jon took off his kimono, and stood in his boxers for a few seconds. Then we walked out to the funeral-level silence. Other than a few comics, and big comedy fans that were applauding, it was scary silence.
7. The good thing is, like the Holocaust, now we know what humans are capable of doing, and history will never repeat itself. If you’re wondering, “Most of those guys are in the same sketch troup. Is that what their sketches are going to look like?” NO.