NAILS

I have several shows to update on Monday. For today, Daniel Tosh is at Lisner. He’s great. Check it out if you can. I’ll be at Cantina Marina in SW tomorrow, which will be a great show. And Sunday night, I’ll be at the Comedy Spot in Arlington as part of the Geek Comedy Tour 3000. There is info somewhere on my site about these shows.

I went to the Nine Inch Nails concert with my friend Allyson on Wednesday. Either John Coltrain or Miles Davis said, “There are only two kinds of music: good and bad.” I agree and NIN would be considered good. We also agreed that our mothers would not have like the concert.

-I’m not really a NIN fan, and had never listened to them until a year ago. That’s when I heard a Johnny Cash cover of their song “Hurt.” It was a great song so I got one of their albums and really liked it. I’m just letting you know that so you don’t think I’m one of the NIN freaks.

-They have a unique sound. Most bands are very dynamic, and the shows have the peaks and valleys of a movie. NIN was non-stop intense. It was like the battle scene in the beginning of Gladiator for an hour and a half.

-As we walked up to the arena there were a lot of guys selling products. Some were selling tickets and some were discreetly selling whores. The problem was that the guys who were doing this all wore similar clothes. Can we please pass a law that makes it a requirement for pimps to wear red velvet suits and carry canes? I don’t need to go to jail for solicitation of prostitute when I just want to see a Wizards game. Both scalping and pimping are illegal, so they are never direct in the transactions and I don’t want to accidentally buy a hooker. “I’ll take the best you have.” “This here is Minh-Li, she’s from Taiwan.” “Is she going to show me to my seats or something? What’s going on?”

-People mosh at NIN concerts. That’s stupid. “How was the NIN concert?” “It was awesome. I broke some guy’s nose.”

-I only know the names of about 5 NIN songs, but they had one that should have been called, “Robots Sound Like This.” You can’t say that about many bands, except maybe Mannheim Steamroller.

-Most white people would have no problem clapping in time to any song. However, stereotypes come from somewhere. That place: NIN concerts. The clapping was all over the place.

-Also, it’s 2005. Aren’t we, as people, beyond holding up a lighter whenever a soft song is played. It really doesn’t enhance the experience at all. It just let’s you know who is a loser.

WNBA star Sheryl Swoops held a press conference last week to announce that she was lesbian. Sheryl, you’re a WNBA star, we assumed you were lesbian. If you play in the WNBA and want to hold a press conference, only do it if it’s to announce that you’re straight.

Topaz was great last night. There was a loud woman whom Danny handled. He’ll probably write about it on his site, www.funnydanny.com .