Wiseacres, Dancing and Twinkles

Before we get to the funny, I have an announcement. If you go to Wiseacres (http://www.wiseacrescomedyclub.com/) in Tyson’s Corner, Thursday at 8, then I will get money. I am headlining and get paid according to how many people come (door deal). Not many comics are that up front. I am. Show up and I get money.

The show will be very good. Jared Stern (who has a funny blog) and Sean Gabbert (who has a deceptively accurate jump shot) are also on the show. They are hilarious. If you go to Wiseacres’ website, only do so for directions. Don’t bother looking for the show. It isn’t listed. That is also how I roll. I refuse promotion. They asked if I wanted them to dedicate a separate website to the show, and go to college campuses to give out sno-cones shaped like Jesus, in my name. I said no. I’ll just put it on my blog the day before the show. That should pack the place. We’ll see.

If you read the blog regularly, you may recall the Geek Comedy Tour 3000 debacle that went down on November 6. If not, several friends and myself created a very uncomfortable environment at this show. It was during Jon Mumma’s set at the end of the show. Several of us went on stage with him after getting into the wardrobe room. Everyone was shirtless. Rory Scovel had a rubber chicken in his pants. I had a guitar, a straw hat and a fake tattoo that said, “CMT.” There was man-on-man dry humping (not me). Mumma was wearing a kimono, which he removed at the end of his set to ensure that no one would ever return to the Comedy Spot. It was delicious.

Since then, I have seen images of the show everywhere, like an oasis in the desert, but hadn’t revisited the real thing… until tonight. Rory and I decided to watch the video of the incident. It was just like I remembered. Chris Barylick yelled out, “What the hell are you guys doing?” in the middle of the set. James Jones rode out on a hobbyhorse to really confuse people. Justin Schlegel and I clearly decided that the whole thing was a horrible idea about 30 seconds after it started. Rory was pretty straight-faced the whole time. And I have no idea how Mumma kept his composure. But it was exactly like I remembered, until we noticed something that probably should have triggered the end of the world. Jon had invited Chris Barylick onstage with us after he yelled at us. Chris obliged, and took off his shirt for good measure. Then moments later, and I have no idea how this went unnoticed during the show, Chris stepped forward and began to dance. He danced with his hands over his head, stripper style, with an ass smack and everything for a good 10 seconds. The only person on stage who appeared to notice it was Rory, who jumped back as if someone was trying to shit on him. The funny thing is that we rewound the dvd at least 10 times to try to figure out what prompted him to dance. There was nothing. We pinpoint an instant when Chris’s eyes began to twinkle, then he just started dancing. There will be clips of this on my website, as long as it’s cool with Chris.

Another Geek Comedy Tour tidbit: I am a loser. I did a post last week about my web stats, which a few other DC comics did after me (I was the first). I also have a tendency to google myself when bored. When doing this, I stumbled upon a preview for that show in the Washington Post. Here it is:

Sunday, Nov. 6
We only got one of the sci-fi inside jokes on the announcement for the Geek Comedy Tour 3000, so if you recognize slogans like "The Geek Comedy Tour 3000: Comedy that KNOWS Han shot first," you've found your stand-up nirvana, fanboy. (And yes, we know what that one refers to.) One dozen comics are heading for the Comedy Spot tonight, where we expect to hear at least one bad William Shatner impression and one guy lament how his mom threw away his "Star Wars" action figures. On the other hand, Erin Conroy, Ryan Conner and Frank Hong have actually made us laugh in the past. The show is free and runs from 8 to 10.

First of all, I have to admit that I didn’t get ANY of the sci-fi jokes, as I think science-fiction is incredibly gay. Yes, that includes Star Wars. It also appears that they are complimenting me. But not really. “Have actually made us laugh” isn’t the strongest compliment one can receive. That’s like a restaurant review reading, “On the other hand, I didn’t throw up the tater tots.” That’s not exactly a ringing endorsement of tater tots. They just won’t make you sick. This makes 5-10 times I’ve been mentioned in their weekend preview. All of the other mentions have been even more vague, such as, “We don’t know what to expect from most of the acts, but we have seen Ryan Conner.” And my favorite, “Ryan Conner is like a nice, cool cup of silly!” That is a compliment, but I can’t put that in my bio. People would expect me to hit myself on the head with a rubber hammer between jokes. Get your act together Post. I need a line for my bio. For now I’m going to put in “[has] actually made us laugh” and hopefully bookers won’t think that I took it as a genuine compliment. Write about the Wiseacres show or something.

If you haven’t read the previous post, do so. Then read the comments that were left by the same idiot that I was talking about in the post. I have nothing to say about it. Just read it and you’ll see what I mean.

My show at TPC at Avenal (really nice country club) this Friday has been cancelled. So, to all of my rich, country club going readers: Grow up. This site isn’t for you. I just wrote about man-on-man dry humping.

If you aren’t busy this Friday, trust me and get tickets to see Bright Eyes at Constitution Hall. I don’t care if it’s sold out. Scalpers will be there. Make it happen. They are amazing.

If you live near Virginia Tech, I will be headlining Hokie House tonight at 8, with feature act, Frank “The Hilarious Asian” Hong.