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- I hate it when people act like NY is some kind of beast. Whenever someone who isn’t an asshole announces that they’re moving to NY, someone always says something like, “You’re moving to New York? Wheww. That city’s gonna chew you up and spit you out.” No it’s not. It’s just a big place that has a lot of people. It doesn’t attack. Stop being stupid.

-I performed with Adam Ferrara at the AOL holiday party last weekend. It was at the National Air and Space Museum, which was a really cool place. They had a space ship, Enterprise. I had never been face to face with a space ship before. It was a humbling experience. I was like, “I tell jokes. People usually like them.” He said, “I go to space.” Argument over. Space ship wins.

It was a pretty formal event, but no one warned me about that. I was just told not to wear jeans. I was like, you know what, I’ll one-up you and not wear white socks too. So I just wore a v-neck sweater and some greenish pants, and 4 year old New Balances.. I thought that would be good. Nope. Everyone else looked like they were at a debutante ball. I looked homeless.

There were two shows. The first was pretty good. But between shows there was an hour of karaoke, which drew about 400-500 people into the room, all screaming Bon Jovi at the top of their lungs. Then the emcee, a flamboyant British/Australian guy, told me I'd be up after the next song. I told him to make sure there was a delay between the singing and the comedy, and to make sure he gets everyone's attention first... didn't happen though. Some girl sang a Toni Braxton song, well I might add. Then, as if I was the next karaoke participant, gay Paul Hogan mumbles, "Now, here's Ryan Conner..." I didn't even hear my intro. So I kind of stumbled to the stage a few seconds later and the crowd thought I was going to sing. I did my time, with about 15% of the crowd paying attention. And I think the rest of the crowd, who thought I was doing karaoke, tuned me out because they didn't really like "Alice's Restaurant." (That's funny because it's a 20 minute song with nothing but talking...)

-This is from a TIME article about the guy who was shot on the plane in Miami. It’s a first-hand account of what transpired:

McAlhany described Alpizar as carrying a big backpack and wearing a fanny pack in front. He says it would have been impossible for Alpizar to lie flat on the floor of the plane, as marshals ordered him to do, with the fanny pack on. "You can't get on the ground with a fanny pack," he says. "You have to move it to the side."

I like that TIME consulted a fanny-pack specialist. A man has died because of his fanny pack. Do we need a better argument against fanny packs? Don't wear them. That's it.

-I would love to meet the person who has ever denied a myspace friend request.

-Friday night marked the first time in the history of history that someone who had nothing to do with the actual ceremony, became emotional while watching a jersey retirement ceremony.