I like Bananas!

This weekend was unbelievable. I spent Friday night playing Winning 11 with Rory Scovel and his roommate Kyle. It was a lot of fun. I beat Rory 6-1 in one game, when I was Spain and he was France. I know... very impressive. Tell your folks. I think I ate some cereal containing something involving maple when I got home. I live a life of glamour, people.
Saturday, I went to LafterHours to watch Dawan Owens, Tony Woods and some other guy. Dawan and Tony are both very funny and friends of mine. Tony is one of the best comics out there, and definitely the best comic who doesn't have a website. (Tony - If you're reading this, you just proved my point about websites.) There is a rule that comics don't talk about other comics, so I won't say anything about the unnamed feature act or his anger towards the audience and other comics or his hilarious parodies of John Cougar Melloncamp songs. I also won't mention the fact that if he read this, he would probably remind me that John Melloncamp dropped the "Cougar" years ago.
Satellite.
I hadn't done the open mic at the Comedy Spot in Ballston since it became a PG-13 show, due to the children in the audience, until tonight. I'm not dirty. I just think it's weird to tell jokes about the how bad of a country the Confederate States of America would have been to people who would prefer to watch someone pull a quarter out of their ear. So, I thought it was going to bomb. It went great though. The space station joke is my new favorite. Keep your ears to the street. That was a reference to something that I don't remember. Anyway, Zach Toczynski was hosting. He's both funny and gay. The kids made fun of him for being gay. Come on kids. Grow up, you little faggots.

Thanks to The Jack Diamond Morning Show and Jimmy Alexander

I was on the Jack Diamond radio show this morning. It was a blast, as the kids say. It was my first time doing radio since college, but I did well, and I'd love to do it again. The only negative was that my set was very robot-heavy. I thought we were going to hit every talking point that I gave them, but due to time constraints, I was prompted to do two consecutive robot jokes. That has never been done before. There was a studio audience too, which was cool, because it makes it feel like you're just doing jokes for a crowd that is very warmed up. Buca di Beppo also catered breakfast. There is nothing like manicotti and coffee at 7am.
When I got off air, they quickly whisked me away to the "Fantasy Room." It was pretty cool. There were like twenty strippers in there. They asked what I wanted them to do. I told them that my manicotti was getting cold and needed to be re-heated. They thought that was a metaphor for a lap dance and began to approach me. I then punched one in the stomach and looked her in the eye and said, "110 degrees. I'll know if it's 109. Do it." That was about it.
Last night I went to the DC United vs. Chelsea game. It was cool, except for the guy next to us who talked to his friend on the phone for ten minutes describing where he was sitting. Rory Scovel will further discuss this matter.
Also, I have a new joke about The International Space Station that I think may change the world. Be on the lookout.
This blog entry gets a c-minus.

Danny Rouhier had a domination day on Winning 11 yesterday. Thierry Henry is sick. I just had to put that out there.
Listen to Mix 107.3 on Friday morning at 7:50. I will be on.

If you've never had sweet plantains, you haven't lived. That may have been an exaggeration, but I had them for dinner last night, and as my friend, Jon Mumma would say, they were "D-Lish." What a homo.
I forgot to mention this before, but I did a show that's two hours away from my apartment on Saturday, in a redneckish town. I was featuring and under the impression that it would be a tight 90 minute show. Nope. It ended up being a 4 hour show. The host did over 2 hours! And there was a 25 minute guest set. The crowd couldn't get enough. They sat there for the whole thing. There were only two women under 400 pounds and they were definitely anorexic. And the men all had Sellick mustaches. I think the women didn't leave because they didn't want to exert the necessary energy to lift their quarter-ton selves out of their chairs. And the men didn't leave because they thought the women were "digging their 'staches."
Also, my friend Al, is trying to get a new job with some writers' organization. Al is the smartest person I've ever known. In college, I saw him watch Jeopardy for a week straight and get EVERY answer before it was finished being read. (I don't care if it's technically the question that he is saying. I still call it the answer. I'm gangsta.) Also, yes, I used to watch him watch TV. Anyway, he's a genius. He reads like 240 books each day. He's like the Hulk Hogan of thinkers. If there was a Royal Rumble of knowledge, Al would come in like Hulk in 1984 and toss everyone over the top rope. EVEN EL GIGANTE! He's currently working on a MFA in Creative Writing. But he has worked at Kinko's for the past two and a half years. So if you know Al, or not, let's hope he gets this job and gets into his proper field. Hulk Hogan should be in the WWF, not Kinko's, which would be the equivalent of the MWF(Midget Wrestling Federation - it was real.) or G.L.O.W. Break on through, Al.
I have nothing else to say. Come to Dr. Dremo's tonight.

Last night was a little crazy. And by crazy, I mean I can't think of another adjective.
I did T.S. Muttley's in Adams Morgan at 8:30. Holy crap. What a delight. It was an amazing show. There were 5 or 6 great comics, and an audience member to comic ratio of about 2 to 1. That's what you want at a comedy show. It's like an exclusive private school. It allows you to really focus on each person's dead face and make sure they know what you're talking about. Not only was that aspect of the show great, but they also had about 12 amazing HD plasma TVs showing several different sporting events. That's a sporting event to audience member ratio of 1 to 1. You can't top that. ESPNZone isn't even close. It was also great because during our sets, we could watch the games and no one would even notice because the crowd was sitting about 50 feet from the stage. So, what I'm saying is, if you want to do or see a show at a place that's conducive to comedy... T.S. Muttley's.
Then I went to Soho to do a set. It started at 9:30. There were a couple guys who I had never seen and were really good. One guy was Asian, and the other was named Justin (not Schlegel), I think. Anyway, it was a really good show from top to bottom. Then, at the end Paul Schorsch came up and announced that Soho is going to be cancelled as of next week. At first, this made me sad, because Soho is hands-down the best open mic around. I was thinking, what could I do to help save this show? How should I comfort my friend Paul when I know he's upset about this. Then, it was like I had an epiphany... T.S. Muttley's. Who needs a room like Soho when you can watch 12 baseball games and tell jokes into the back of people's heads simultaneously.