High Five!

I have a friend who is a comic. He does something that I think is ridiculous, but I don’t want to call him out by name, so for the sake of anonymity, we’ll call him “Danny Rouhier”, and say that his website is www.funnydanny.com . Here is what is so ridiculous about this hilarious, anonymous comic, whom I’m referring to as “Danny Rouhier:” his voicemail greeting says, “You’ve reached the voicemail of COMEDIAN Danny Rouhier…” I’ve been giving this guy shit for about a year about this in person, but he won’t change it. That’s why I’m reaching out to all of you. Email this anonymous person at danny@funnydanny.com and tell him to change it to “You’ve reached the voicemail of Danny Rouhier…” The problem with his greeting is that if someone knows him and calls him, they already know he’s a comic. And no one knows two Danny Rouhiers, so no one has to differentiate between comedian Danny Rouhier, and painter Danny Rouhier. The other problem is that if someone calls him who doesn’t know he’s a comic, it’s not like his voicemail greeting is going to get him a gig. “Oh, I didn’t know he was a comedian. I must book him A-S-A-P!” I’ve only been booked off a tape once. No one is getting booked off their voicemail greeting. Come on “Danny,” get it together.
Click on this link if you need a reason to hate gun-toting rednecks: http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/01/26/D8FCPUO8F.html
I had a basketball game yesterday in a league that I play in with several of my comic friends. We won 70-37, which is something comics like to call “a blowout.” I think that’s a term that only comics use. Anyway, about 5 minutes into the game, I got hit by an elbow in the right eye. I hit the floor. There was no foul called. I got up and had a huge knot below my eye, and blood was coming out. I looked like I fought Lennox Lewis for a very short period of time. BUT NO FOUL. There were refs, but there was no foul called. There’s a rule on playgrounds that goes, “no blood, no foul.” But if you can show blood, they give you the call. Apparently in this league you need more blood than I could provide. I ended up having to sit out the rest of the first half, trying to get the bleeding to stop.
When the second half started, I was back in, and we were up 24-18. Then vengeance began. We went on a 38-11 run and absolutely crushed them. But I have 11 brothers, so I’m way too competitive and wanted to keep stretching the lead and really embarrass the other team. At one time, we were up by 41, and I was still adamant that we don’t let the other team get even one open shot, and was really excited about doubling the other team’s score, which we didn’t do because they scored at the end. Long story short, I’m way too competitive.
Since I got the black eye, everyone likes to ask me about it. I tell them, “I got elbowed while playing basketball and winning 70-37.” Then they like to be “funny” and say “That’s not what I heard. I heard [insert random stupidity].” Because of this, from now on, my response will be, “I got into a fight with a pack of ninjas.” The other person will be like, “You got attacked by a pack of ninjas?” “No, I actually attacked them. It’s something I do now. I seek out ninjas and I attack them.”
I did an AIDS benefit show on Saturday. I’m not going to write much about it here, because I’m going to talk about it on stage. But I will tell you that it was a 4 and a half hour show, with mainly rappers, and a few comics. The rappers were horrible. This is an actual lyric from one guy: “My mom was a hustler, my pops was a hustler, so what you think that make me, mang?” It makes you an idiot.
If you get a chance to see Colin Quinn, do it. He’s awesome and an extremely nice guy.
Aus.