mmm... soft

The weekend was good.

Before I get into the funny, I have an announcement. Jefferson Starship will be performing at The State Theatre on January 9^th. They single-handedly built this city on rock and roll. If you go to this show, and are not doing it for the comedy factor, society will make fun of you. It’s your call though. Also at The State Theatre… Nick Swardson and Rory Scovel (one of the best in DC) on March 24^th. Nick is one of my favorite comics. He’s hilarious. You probably know him from Comedy Central Presents (2 specials), Reno 911!, Adam Sandler’s CDs, Grandma’s Boy and The Benchwarmers. Definitely get tickets. It’s going to be a great show.

A few weeks ago, I mentioned something about Ryan Adams being on Austin City Limits. That prompted someone to leave the following comment:

“Hey ryanconnorcomedy,
Thanks for mentioning me on your blog. Look out for my new DVD, Live in Lisbon. If you liked the anthology, you'll love this new DVD. Thanks again for keeping the rhythm alive!

Bryan Adams”

I really hope this is from the real Bryan Adams and he thought I was talking about him, not Ryan Adams. And I’m pretty sure it is him or someone connected to him. My reasons: 1) He called me by the name of my website, and misspelled it. 2) It’s a generic message that he probably leaves on the blogs of everyone who mentions his name. 3) If he typed his name into a blog searcher, he would get matches for “Ryan Adams” too. 4) He’s the only person aware of the fact that he released an anthology, and felt there was demand for a DVD. 5) He’s also the only person in the world who would tell anyone, “Thanks again for keeping the rhythm alive.” That’s the gayest, non-sexual thing you can ever say.

I was at the grocery store a few weeks ago doing a late night toilet paper run. Whenever I buy deodorant, toothpaste or toilet paper, I always study each product and try to get the best that’s available. Price should never matter when buying these things. In the middle of my toilet paper comparisons, a guy walked up to me holding a case of Angel Soft, and said, “You can’t beat this deal. Look at that. You buy two, you save $4. And it’s soft.” What am I supposed to do in that situation? I know that Angel Soft is crappy (no pun intended) toilet paper. If that’s how angels feel, I’m going to start petitioning for hell today [rimshot]. But he’s told me I have to get it. I don’t want to tell him that I’m probably going to go with the Cottonelle, because then he’s going to want to argue over which is better. I don’t want that to happen ever, because you can’t argue about toilet paper with talking about wiping, and I don’t want to hear some random guy’s wiping stories. So, I said, “Oh yeah, that sounds good.” Then he handed me a case of the Angel Soft and I started to walk to the register with it. Once he was out of site, I ran back and switched it with the Cottonelle, and thought I was making a clean getaway. Then, as I was paying, I looked up and he was two lanes over from me, staring, and shaking his head because he couldn’t believe that I passed up the deal of the century.

Don’t tell people what toilet paper they should get.

The Bulls finally appear to be getting it together. Tyson Chandler’s poor play has been the reason for them being mediocre this year, but he seems to have finally turned the corner. Here is a quote from him about his struggles: "It does get hard. That's when you show what you're made of. Like Joe Dirt said, 'Keep on keeping on.'" Anyone who quotes Joe Dirt, is okay in my book. And people who shorten “okay” to “ok” are not okay in my book. It’s only two more letters. Just type them. Pet peeve.