This one is long and creepy
What you are about to read is somewhat “fucked up.” It is also “awesome.” Most of you already know that there is a female porn star who shares my name. Most of you also know that she enjoys doing things with her butt. If you didn’t already know that, now you do.
A few weeks ago I received an anonymous email from someone that appeared to be spam. Here it is:
Hi precious lady. I think that you were the daughter of a
famous man. I might be your biological brother. Please contact me
as soon as possible. Thanks.
Tony
At first, I thought it was spam. Then, I checked his email address, which came from a legit university. So, I deduced that he was trying to get in touch with the porn star by emailing ryanconner@yahoo, ryanconner@hotmail, ryanconner@gmail, etc… until he got a bite. And he used the “brother” line so the porn star wouldn’t think he was after sex. So, I said, “It is time to mess with this guy’s head. Some people said that it would be messed up to do this. I agree that it would be messed up to do that to any random person, but I have no qualms with messing with someone who tries to randomly solicit a porn star. So, here was my reply:
I'm not sure who you are. Tell me more.
That’s a little tactic that I learned, called, “playing it cool.” He replied…
I'm sorry. I think that I make an honest mistake. I just had this strange dream about U being
a certain person's daughter. The dream seemed so real. Some of my rare dreams have turned out to be true. In one of my classes, I also read about a chemist who actually dreamed about the structure of benzene, and he was right. So I thought that it was quite peculiar that I would have a dream like that. My dream, I think, is false.
But I think that you are still a good and precious women anyway. You are very beautiful too. If I'm right, U had a tough upbringing, and had alot of obstacles to overcome. I hope that U are doing fine at this point. This world is certainly a mess. I want to help make it a better place in my own little way. I'm a good and handsome man. I'm a student at Claremont University. I plan on becoming a college professor in philosophy. I live in southern california. I would like meet you one day to have lunch with U or something, if U have the time. Please tell me a little about yourself, if U wish. I hope to hear from U at your convienence. Thanks for responding to my email.
Cheers,
Tony
Someone should tell this guy that no woman is going to sleep with him if he calls them “precious.” That’s very 1880s. I also thought it was weird that he would reference benzene in a conversation with a porn star. I replied:
I've heard about the chemist who dreamed about the structure of benzene. Crazy, right?
Thanks for the kind words. That's awfully nice of you. How did you find out about me? I'm always curious about that.
You seem to have your life together. Who's your favorite philosopher.
Talk to you soon;)
I like that I said I heard about the benzene dream, and my reaction to it is, “Crazy, right?” “Who’s your favorite philosopher,” is also another favorite of mine. I kept my friends posted on this situation after every email. The previous email prompted Danny Rouhier to reply, “I just read this again. Almost in tears right now. I may have farted i
was laughing so hard...” By the way, I know this is creepy. Here was his long ass response:
Hi "Ryan":
To answer your question about how I know about U: I saw a video of U several years back. Other than that, I don't know anything about U, except what I dreamed. I'm not a psychic or anything. In fact, I rarely dream But deja vu is common. My deja vu's are vivid. Also, I have some strange dreams sometime, in which some things turn out to be true. But I had these strange dreams about U, that U were in a dark place and being mistreated (childhood??? i don't know). But I saw U coming out into this marvelous lite. The lite was not even the sun, but it was radiant. I can't tell U all of what I dreamed about U, at least not right now.
As far as philosophers, I don't necessarily have a favorate, although I do think some are better than others. I like Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle. I'm not too big on Medieval philosophy. I some Moderns, such as Descartes, and especially Hume (They disagree with each other, but I like them both). The Postmoderns like Russell and Quine, i think, are a little too drowned in physics, yet they have made some interesting comments and improvements in modern logic. I can respect anyone who is genuinelly searching after truth, even if they decide that we cannot know it. Isn't that a truth, some sense???
I'm 36 and graduated from college at 24. I've been through alot of hardships, in years past. But now I'm feeling the best that I've ever felt. Sometime after college I worked as an Accountant, Medical Claims Adjuster, etc. I really don't like the corporate world. People treat each other like garbage, very depressing. I had to get out of those gigs. I decided to go into philosophy and think about big questions. Although I can get sophisticated and understand some complex and abstract philosophical concepts, I'm pretty simple. I don't go around being pedantic or anything. I just want to be wise and loving. I have cultivated a Mental-Emotional Pleasure of seeing that other's succeed at what they do. It brings pleasure to me to see others avoid pain and have pleasure. True, not many people are like that. I don't think that I have to be a Mother Theresa, or anything. I want to enjoy good food, clothes, relationships, and great sex, like anyone. But they don't possess me, I'm in possession of them, if U know what I mean. Narcisism is a psycho-social disorder. So is Altruism. We have to balance these two. If society did this better, there would be no need for Mother Therasas'.
I want to teach philosophy to make people better thinkers, and possess better characters, more so than we find in the corporate environment. Although passionately opinionated about Love, I am so open-minded and a good listener. If someone disagrees with me, I don't get offended easily. We're all on a journey, and life is a sort of school of learning, even for those not in an institutional "school". I love Love and the Truth, even though it can't be fully realized, in this life. But I'm happy to say that one day those who have this inner desire, will. The inner desire is all that counts. I sort of think of my mind as me and my body as part of the world. Sometimes, my mind wants my body to do something, sometimes it does and sometimes not. For instance, I like to be polite all the time. But if I haven't gotten proper rest my brain-chemistry does not agree with my inner desire: So I end up saying "get the hell out of my way". I recognize that that is not me. I know who I want to be. If you go to an evangelical church, they try to make you feel guilty. But I don't need guilt to know who I want to be, nor to do good. I don't have to go to church to be guilt-ridden as a reminder not to murder, steal, etc. I know I want to be loving, simply because its Beautiful. And if I'm not, then its something external, not internal. But I do believe Nature one day will grant me my wish. It's given me all of them so far, except for a few. I'm working on those tho', ha, ha, ha.
Well...I hope that I was not too long, but I just wanted to share some thoughts with U. I'll send you a pic or two of me on Monday or Tuesday, since, I know what U look like, its only fair, right? I hope that U have a good evening or weekend. And also, to hear from U soon, lovely lady.
Cheers,
Tony
I think it’s weird that he called me “Ryan,” in quotation marks, because that implies that he knows the porn star’s real name. It also makes me mad at the porn star because she could have picked any name in the world to be her stage name, and she picked “Ryan Conner.” Blessing and a curse. Blessing and a curse, I tell you. He also said, “I love Love and the Truth,” so he’s really overplaying the “sensitive card.” He thinks he’s talking to a porn star. Porn stars aren’t into F. Scott Fitzgerald. He should take a Larry Flynt-esque turn. My response to his manifesto…
Wow, that's all so interesting. You seem so smart! And you're such a gentleman!
I look forward to seeing the pictures;) Do you have any favorites of me?
Danny Rouhier’s reaction to that email from me was “Do you have any favorites of me? Yes, the one where there's a dude in your browneye and another dude
making your eyes water from his mule choking your throat...Do you liek the
one of me in the sweater-vest or the one in the sport coat with elbow
patches?” Let’s skip to the next email from this guy:
Hi "Ryan":
How was your weekend??? I hope that U had a good one.
Here's my pics!!! They are not professional. I think everyone
takes bad pics. That is, everyone looks better in person. However, I
like all of your pics. But I KNOW that U look even better in person.
Enjoy your day. I'll talk soon!!!
Warm Regards,
Tony
Here is a link to a screenshot of the pics. Notice in the top corner of the screenshot, I had just googled “meth.” Long story.
When you look at the full sized middle picture, you can see that he’s wearing spandex. That’s creepy. The weirdest part is that he sent me a picture of the Hoover Dam, and he isn’t even in the picture. It’s just a picture that he took. Then, to make matters worse, he spelled it “HOVER DAM.” The Hover Dam. What an idiot. You proofread before you email a porn star.
I didn’t reply to the pictures email because I thought it was starting to go too far. Once a face was attached to it, it got way too creepy. A couple days later he sent this, which made me decide to pull the plug:
Hi "Ryan":
How are U??? I hope that U got my pics. Do U live in California??? Do U like to dance???
I've been to the Mood in Hollywood for my B'day this past december. I'm a real good dancer.
I used to strip dance at a club in NJ, when I was 21. That's where I learned my mad skills, ha, ha, ha. I like to have a good time when I go out. Well...I hope to hear from U soon, lovely lady.
Cheers,
Tony
The End
A few weeks ago I received an anonymous email from someone that appeared to be spam. Here it is:
Hi precious lady. I think that you were the daughter of a
famous man. I might be your biological brother. Please contact me
as soon as possible. Thanks.
Tony
At first, I thought it was spam. Then, I checked his email address, which came from a legit university. So, I deduced that he was trying to get in touch with the porn star by emailing ryanconner@yahoo, ryanconner@hotmail, ryanconner@gmail, etc… until he got a bite. And he used the “brother” line so the porn star wouldn’t think he was after sex. So, I said, “It is time to mess with this guy’s head. Some people said that it would be messed up to do this. I agree that it would be messed up to do that to any random person, but I have no qualms with messing with someone who tries to randomly solicit a porn star. So, here was my reply:
I'm not sure who you are. Tell me more.
That’s a little tactic that I learned, called, “playing it cool.” He replied…
I'm sorry. I think that I make an honest mistake. I just had this strange dream about U being
a certain person's daughter. The dream seemed so real. Some of my rare dreams have turned out to be true. In one of my classes, I also read about a chemist who actually dreamed about the structure of benzene, and he was right. So I thought that it was quite peculiar that I would have a dream like that. My dream, I think, is false.
But I think that you are still a good and precious women anyway. You are very beautiful too. If I'm right, U had a tough upbringing, and had alot of obstacles to overcome. I hope that U are doing fine at this point. This world is certainly a mess. I want to help make it a better place in my own little way. I'm a good and handsome man. I'm a student at Claremont University. I plan on becoming a college professor in philosophy. I live in southern california. I would like meet you one day to have lunch with U or something, if U have the time. Please tell me a little about yourself, if U wish. I hope to hear from U at your convienence. Thanks for responding to my email.
Cheers,
Tony
Someone should tell this guy that no woman is going to sleep with him if he calls them “precious.” That’s very 1880s. I also thought it was weird that he would reference benzene in a conversation with a porn star. I replied:
I've heard about the chemist who dreamed about the structure of benzene. Crazy, right?
Thanks for the kind words. That's awfully nice of you. How did you find out about me? I'm always curious about that.
You seem to have your life together. Who's your favorite philosopher.
Talk to you soon;)
I like that I said I heard about the benzene dream, and my reaction to it is, “Crazy, right?” “Who’s your favorite philosopher,” is also another favorite of mine. I kept my friends posted on this situation after every email. The previous email prompted Danny Rouhier to reply, “I just read this again. Almost in tears right now. I may have farted i
was laughing so hard...” By the way, I know this is creepy. Here was his long ass response:
Hi "Ryan":
To answer your question about how I know about U: I saw a video of U several years back. Other than that, I don't know anything about U, except what I dreamed. I'm not a psychic or anything. In fact, I rarely dream But deja vu is common. My deja vu's are vivid. Also, I have some strange dreams sometime, in which some things turn out to be true. But I had these strange dreams about U, that U were in a dark place and being mistreated (childhood??? i don't know). But I saw U coming out into this marvelous lite. The lite was not even the sun, but it was radiant. I can't tell U all of what I dreamed about U, at least not right now.
As far as philosophers, I don't necessarily have a favorate, although I do think some are better than others. I like Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle. I'm not too big on Medieval philosophy. I some Moderns, such as Descartes, and especially Hume (They disagree with each other, but I like them both). The Postmoderns like Russell and Quine, i think, are a little too drowned in physics, yet they have made some interesting comments and improvements in modern logic. I can respect anyone who is genuinelly searching after truth, even if they decide that we cannot know it. Isn't that a truth, some sense???
I'm 36 and graduated from college at 24. I've been through alot of hardships, in years past. But now I'm feeling the best that I've ever felt. Sometime after college I worked as an Accountant, Medical Claims Adjuster, etc. I really don't like the corporate world. People treat each other like garbage, very depressing. I had to get out of those gigs. I decided to go into philosophy and think about big questions. Although I can get sophisticated and understand some complex and abstract philosophical concepts, I'm pretty simple. I don't go around being pedantic or anything. I just want to be wise and loving. I have cultivated a Mental-Emotional Pleasure of seeing that other's succeed at what they do. It brings pleasure to me to see others avoid pain and have pleasure. True, not many people are like that. I don't think that I have to be a Mother Theresa, or anything. I want to enjoy good food, clothes, relationships, and great sex, like anyone. But they don't possess me, I'm in possession of them, if U know what I mean. Narcisism is a psycho-social disorder. So is Altruism. We have to balance these two. If society did this better, there would be no need for Mother Therasas'.
I want to teach philosophy to make people better thinkers, and possess better characters, more so than we find in the corporate environment. Although passionately opinionated about Love, I am so open-minded and a good listener. If someone disagrees with me, I don't get offended easily. We're all on a journey, and life is a sort of school of learning, even for those not in an institutional "school". I love Love and the Truth, even though it can't be fully realized, in this life. But I'm happy to say that one day those who have this inner desire, will. The inner desire is all that counts. I sort of think of my mind as me and my body as part of the world. Sometimes, my mind wants my body to do something, sometimes it does and sometimes not. For instance, I like to be polite all the time. But if I haven't gotten proper rest my brain-chemistry does not agree with my inner desire: So I end up saying "get the hell out of my way". I recognize that that is not me. I know who I want to be. If you go to an evangelical church, they try to make you feel guilty. But I don't need guilt to know who I want to be, nor to do good. I don't have to go to church to be guilt-ridden as a reminder not to murder, steal, etc. I know I want to be loving, simply because its Beautiful. And if I'm not, then its something external, not internal. But I do believe Nature one day will grant me my wish. It's given me all of them so far, except for a few. I'm working on those tho', ha, ha, ha.
Well...I hope that I was not too long, but I just wanted to share some thoughts with U. I'll send you a pic or two of me on Monday or Tuesday, since, I know what U look like, its only fair, right? I hope that U have a good evening or weekend. And also, to hear from U soon, lovely lady.
Cheers,
Tony
I think it’s weird that he called me “Ryan,” in quotation marks, because that implies that he knows the porn star’s real name. It also makes me mad at the porn star because she could have picked any name in the world to be her stage name, and she picked “Ryan Conner.” Blessing and a curse. Blessing and a curse, I tell you. He also said, “I love Love and the Truth,” so he’s really overplaying the “sensitive card.” He thinks he’s talking to a porn star. Porn stars aren’t into F. Scott Fitzgerald. He should take a Larry Flynt-esque turn. My response to his manifesto…
Wow, that's all so interesting. You seem so smart! And you're such a gentleman!
I look forward to seeing the pictures;) Do you have any favorites of me?
Danny Rouhier’s reaction to that email from me was “Do you have any favorites of me? Yes, the one where there's a dude in your browneye and another dude
making your eyes water from his mule choking your throat...Do you liek the
one of me in the sweater-vest or the one in the sport coat with elbow
patches?” Let’s skip to the next email from this guy:
Hi "Ryan":
How was your weekend??? I hope that U had a good one.
Here's my pics!!! They are not professional. I think everyone
takes bad pics. That is, everyone looks better in person. However, I
like all of your pics. But I KNOW that U look even better in person.
Enjoy your day. I'll talk soon!!!
Warm Regards,
Tony
Here is a link to a screenshot of the pics. Notice in the top corner of the screenshot, I had just googled “meth.” Long story.
When you look at the full sized middle picture, you can see that he’s wearing spandex. That’s creepy. The weirdest part is that he sent me a picture of the Hoover Dam, and he isn’t even in the picture. It’s just a picture that he took. Then, to make matters worse, he spelled it “HOVER DAM.” The Hover Dam. What an idiot. You proofread before you email a porn star.
I didn’t reply to the pictures email because I thought it was starting to go too far. Once a face was attached to it, it got way too creepy. A couple days later he sent this, which made me decide to pull the plug:
Hi "Ryan":
How are U??? I hope that U got my pics. Do U live in California??? Do U like to dance???
I've been to the Mood in Hollywood for my B'day this past december. I'm a real good dancer.
I used to strip dance at a club in NJ, when I was 21. That's where I learned my mad skills, ha, ha, ha. I like to have a good time when I go out. Well...I hope to hear from U soon, lovely lady.
Cheers,
Tony
The End
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 4:14 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home