TOO MUCH INFORMATION
It’s time to catch up.
Last Thursday, Jay Hastings and I rode together to Topaz for their open microphone. On that night, something my good friend Justin Schlegel calls “an opinion changer,” occurred. Before the show, we met a couple of Jay’s roommates, and one of their friends at some bar. The friend asked if I was a comic too. I said yes. Then she asked if I was funny. I told her I’m horrible. Then Jay’s roommate chimed in, “No, he’s funny. I saw him one time… but you know who I loved? The guy with the squash!” She was referring to a guy who did an open mic with me one time, who brought a giant squash on stage, drilled a hole in it and simulated sex with the retarded cousin of the pumpkin. That was it. That’s all he did… for 8 minutes. I’m kind of funny, but she loved the squash-fucker. It was time to go.
Two weeks before that at Topaz, it was packed, but packed with people who appeared to be on a librarian’s retreat… not really a comedy crowd. The first sentence I said on stage was, “One time I did a show, and I had to go to the bathroom right before I went on stage…” I was interrupted by uncontrollable laughter from a woman in the front row. I stopped with the joke and asked her what she was laughing about, since all I had said was that I went to the bathroom, something most humans do. Her response was, “TOO MUCH INFORMATION!” I said, “What? It’s too much information that I went to the bathroom? Do you never do that?” She replied, “No. Well I don’t tell people about it… that’s TOO MUCH INFORMATION!” I wanted to rip into her for saying that stupid phrase twice in ten seconds, but I let it go. I let it go because it hit me that she was most likely an elementary school librarian, and she was saying it because she had probably just read “The Babysitters Club” to some of her students that day. “Cool babysitters say ‘Too Much Information.’” Work at a grown up library like everyone else, lady.
Jay Hastings had the line of the week last night when we were watching the Super Bowl with a bunch of my friends. Stevie Wonder was doing the pre-game show, and someone noticed that his “beard” was only a regular mustache and another mustache below his bottom lip, so it made a perfect circle around his lips. Jay said, “It looks like his face is shitting lips.”
Last Thursday, Jay Hastings and I rode together to Topaz for their open microphone. On that night, something my good friend Justin Schlegel calls “an opinion changer,” occurred. Before the show, we met a couple of Jay’s roommates, and one of their friends at some bar. The friend asked if I was a comic too. I said yes. Then she asked if I was funny. I told her I’m horrible. Then Jay’s roommate chimed in, “No, he’s funny. I saw him one time… but you know who I loved? The guy with the squash!” She was referring to a guy who did an open mic with me one time, who brought a giant squash on stage, drilled a hole in it and simulated sex with the retarded cousin of the pumpkin. That was it. That’s all he did… for 8 minutes. I’m kind of funny, but she loved the squash-fucker. It was time to go.
Two weeks before that at Topaz, it was packed, but packed with people who appeared to be on a librarian’s retreat… not really a comedy crowd. The first sentence I said on stage was, “One time I did a show, and I had to go to the bathroom right before I went on stage…” I was interrupted by uncontrollable laughter from a woman in the front row. I stopped with the joke and asked her what she was laughing about, since all I had said was that I went to the bathroom, something most humans do. Her response was, “TOO MUCH INFORMATION!” I said, “What? It’s too much information that I went to the bathroom? Do you never do that?” She replied, “No. Well I don’t tell people about it… that’s TOO MUCH INFORMATION!” I wanted to rip into her for saying that stupid phrase twice in ten seconds, but I let it go. I let it go because it hit me that she was most likely an elementary school librarian, and she was saying it because she had probably just read “The Babysitters Club” to some of her students that day. “Cool babysitters say ‘Too Much Information.’” Work at a grown up library like everyone else, lady.
Jay Hastings had the line of the week last night when we were watching the Super Bowl with a bunch of my friends. Stevie Wonder was doing the pre-game show, and someone noticed that his “beard” was only a regular mustache and another mustache below his bottom lip, so it made a perfect circle around his lips. Jay said, “It looks like his face is shitting lips.”
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 10:41 AM
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