Arrested Development is Hilarious.

- Let’s make a deal. If I’m meeting you in a city, and we make eye contact when we’re across the street from each other, let’s pretend me didn’t make eye contact. There aren’t many things that are more awkward than waiting for a walk signal, then walking 80 feet while staring someone in the eye. And, under no circumstance should you try to start a conversation from across the street. It can wait. If you yell, “Is that a new shirt?” to me from 80 feet away, I’m going to turn around and walk away. Let’s just pretend we don’t see each other until we’re almost face-to-face. Don’t even wave. That’s awkward too.
-A couple months ago, I wrote about an experience I had at a Baltimore McDonald’s. It was a freak accident. But I let it slide, and almost forgot about it. Then, in New York a few days ago, lighting struck twice. I ordered the Chicken McNuggets meal. I asked for Sweet and Sour Sauce. I paid for it. The cashier handed me the bag. She spoke decent English. I asked her if the Sweet and Sour Sauce was in the bag. She firmly replied, “Yes. It’s in the bag,” and smiled. Awesome. I was excited for this meal. We all know that nothing goes with World Cup soccer like Chicken McNuggets. It's like handball and corn nuts. After a 10 block walk back, I opened the bag, reached in to pull out my morsels of chicken heaven, only to find that once again I’ve been given a fish sandwich. How does that happen twice? Chicken and fish sound nothing alike. When I asked for Sweet and Sour Sauce both times, how was that not a red flag for the cashier? I don’t get it. They thought I was going to put Sweet and Sour on my fish sandwich, along with the tartar sauce. That's how you get Lupus. I read it in Seal's biography. IMDB it. It's true.
You know what this means, right? Boycott. I have to boycott McDonald’s now. I have no other choice. I wish it could have happened somewhere else… like a place I rarely visit… like Baskin Robbins. If I go there and order Rocky Road, and they give me Trout Sorbet, not once, but twice, I boycott them. No questions asked. It’s going to be hard to stay away from the nuggets and soggy fries though. I'll give the boycott two weeks tops.
-New business plan: There’s never been an air freshener targeted toward kids… until now. Circus scented air freshener. Sure, circuses smell like clown shit. But kids love circuses and will get their parents to buy it. Never mind. That’s a horrible idea. I thought of it because one of the stops on the 6 in New York smell exactly like a circus. It’s disgusting.
-At the Radiohead concert a couple weeks ago, I went to the bar to get a smooth, cool, refreshing Coca-Cola, which may or may not be the taste of the new generation. While there, I overheard a conversation between the cashier next to me and a customer. He said something about a movie. She said, “Oh, you should see An Inconvenient Truth. It’s interesting.”
His reply was, “Nahh… I’m not buying that global warming thing.”
She gave him a perplexed look that silently said, “You don’t believe in science?”
He continued, “If it really is true, then why would they need to make a movie about it.”
What????? I don’t understand that argument at all. Sure, some people don’t believe in global warming, due to their belief that climatologists are trying to pull a quick one. But, I don’t understand what this guy was going for.
- A lot more stuff to come on Monday or Tuesday...