The Karen McDougal Sweepstakes
-I just saw this article:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2006/08/30/ustab.xml
It’s about a girl getting stabbed in the eye at school in England because she’s an AC/DC fan. Although it’s sad, imagine how much better the world would be if it was legal to stab every Blink 182 fan in the eye, or LFO fan in the throat, or castrate everyone who bought the Paris Hilton collection of sounds on CD (I refuse to call it music.) What you’re imagining is called heaven.
-My friend Al and I constantly come up with band names, and pretend we’re in every band that we invent. We even talk in detail about our imaginary shows sometimes. Neither of us have day jobs.
The most recent band we’ve added to our army is Curmudgeon Stank. They play politically driven punk music. They aren’t very good though.
Others include:
-The Lunchbuckets – Fun, poppy, danceable music. Their 2003 hit, “Bologna Sandwiches Again?” is still popular in some villages in Serbia.
-From an email to Al:
“I hope you don't mind, but I just signed an all girl punk-pop group
behind your back. They’re a cross between The Donnas and Dream. They're
called The Canteloupe Divas. I think you'll find their music
empowering, yet gentle.”
-His response:
“RC-
Well, as long as we get the lead singer to start sleeping with the lead
singer of our new industrial Goth band, Premature Cannibalism. This way we
can get access to the cover of Tiger Beat.
AS”
-The Drugs – Our first band, inspired by The Clash.
-Hot Cooter – Our follow-up R+B act, inspired by a Dukes of Hazzard character, and the movie, “Heat”.
-State Sponsored Sodomy – Bad version of Franz Ferdinand, but more militant. Has a female bass player. Pitchfork Media loves this band. Not because they’re good, but because no one has heard of them and because they record on equipment from the 70s.
-Shit Fisted Aids or Fisted Shit Aids (can’t decide on the word order)- once we have the band name, we’ll decide on the type of music
-The Karen McDougal Sweepstakes – Either you get it or you don’t.
-Hasidic Piss – My favorite.
-Thunderhole – If Poison was formed now, they’d call themselves Thunderhole.
-Crevase – Solo R+B artist whose music is a little too sexual. Whores love it. Everyone else finds him creepy.
-Turbine Overload – It’s hard to define their style.
-HAZE Code – the new Rage Against the Machine (play on Hayes Code)
-Medicated Plastics – Prog-Rock
-Collect Call to Satan – Techno. They struck gold with their 2004 hit, “Press 1 to accept the charges. Press 2 to dance, dance, dance…”
-Ghierri Fjord Clinic – The Drugs cover band.
If you have band names, feel free to leave them as comments.
-This is a brutal tackle from an English soccer game.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCDPellzU_w
-Check out this myspace profile. I got a friend request from her a few days ago. It’s a 10-year-old comic from LA. Why is a 10-year-old doing comedy? Is comedy the new beauty pageant? http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=83957086
-I know several people with tribal band tattoos and have seen thousands of them. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that they are the shittiest kind of tattoo, not only because of the trend-factor, but because people act like they really have something to do with an actual tribe somewhere.
I know they’re just abstract designs, but so that people learn their lesson about them, I hope someone accidentally picks a random pattern that ends up being an actual tribal band. Then one day he’s somewhere along the Nile or Amazon, and stumbles upon the village of his tribe’s enemies… Everyone sees the tattoo and starts freaking out… “Is that an M’Buku? Who let the M’Bukus back in town?” Then he does some research and finds out that he got a tribal band of the notorious M’Buku tribe. A tribe well known for molesting tortoises and eating a diet that consists solely of Kool-Aid, made with urine and carrots. And he’s allergic to carrots. Now he’s got a conundrum on his hands. And if he has a tribal band tattoo, he probably doesn’t know what a conundrum is. So, now he’s really screwed.
-When writing about the bands above, I referenced this email from Al:
“RC-
Well, as long as we get the lead singer to start sleeping with the lead
singer of our new industrial Goth band, Premature Cannibalism. This way we
can get access to the cover of Tiger Beat.
AS”
That reminded me that one night in college, my friends and I were talking about what magazine we’d most likely be on the cover of. We couldn’t have input on our own magazine though. My friend Mike was given “American Cinematographer.” Craig was given “Black Entrepreneur,” mainly because we had just discovered the existence of that magazine. Al was give “The Economist” or something like that. Glen was given a tech magazine. Me? Without hesitation, all of my friends said, “Tiger Beat… yeah, for sure… definitely Tiger Beat.”
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2006/08/30/ustab.xml
It’s about a girl getting stabbed in the eye at school in England because she’s an AC/DC fan. Although it’s sad, imagine how much better the world would be if it was legal to stab every Blink 182 fan in the eye, or LFO fan in the throat, or castrate everyone who bought the Paris Hilton collection of sounds on CD (I refuse to call it music.) What you’re imagining is called heaven.
-My friend Al and I constantly come up with band names, and pretend we’re in every band that we invent. We even talk in detail about our imaginary shows sometimes. Neither of us have day jobs.
The most recent band we’ve added to our army is Curmudgeon Stank. They play politically driven punk music. They aren’t very good though.
Others include:
-The Lunchbuckets – Fun, poppy, danceable music. Their 2003 hit, “Bologna Sandwiches Again?” is still popular in some villages in Serbia.
-From an email to Al:
“I hope you don't mind, but I just signed an all girl punk-pop group
behind your back. They’re a cross between The Donnas and Dream. They're
called The Canteloupe Divas. I think you'll find their music
empowering, yet gentle.”
-His response:
“RC-
Well, as long as we get the lead singer to start sleeping with the lead
singer of our new industrial Goth band, Premature Cannibalism. This way we
can get access to the cover of Tiger Beat.
AS”
-The Drugs – Our first band, inspired by The Clash.
-Hot Cooter – Our follow-up R+B act, inspired by a Dukes of Hazzard character, and the movie, “Heat”.
-State Sponsored Sodomy – Bad version of Franz Ferdinand, but more militant. Has a female bass player. Pitchfork Media loves this band. Not because they’re good, but because no one has heard of them and because they record on equipment from the 70s.
-Shit Fisted Aids or Fisted Shit Aids (can’t decide on the word order)- once we have the band name, we’ll decide on the type of music
-The Karen McDougal Sweepstakes – Either you get it or you don’t.
-Hasidic Piss – My favorite.
-Thunderhole – If Poison was formed now, they’d call themselves Thunderhole.
-Crevase – Solo R+B artist whose music is a little too sexual. Whores love it. Everyone else finds him creepy.
-Turbine Overload – It’s hard to define their style.
-HAZE Code – the new Rage Against the Machine (play on Hayes Code)
-Medicated Plastics – Prog-Rock
-Collect Call to Satan – Techno. They struck gold with their 2004 hit, “Press 1 to accept the charges. Press 2 to dance, dance, dance…”
-Ghierri Fjord Clinic – The Drugs cover band.
If you have band names, feel free to leave them as comments.
-This is a brutal tackle from an English soccer game.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCDPellzU_w
-Check out this myspace profile. I got a friend request from her a few days ago. It’s a 10-year-old comic from LA. Why is a 10-year-old doing comedy? Is comedy the new beauty pageant? http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=83957086
-I know several people with tribal band tattoos and have seen thousands of them. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that they are the shittiest kind of tattoo, not only because of the trend-factor, but because people act like they really have something to do with an actual tribe somewhere.
I know they’re just abstract designs, but so that people learn their lesson about them, I hope someone accidentally picks a random pattern that ends up being an actual tribal band. Then one day he’s somewhere along the Nile or Amazon, and stumbles upon the village of his tribe’s enemies… Everyone sees the tattoo and starts freaking out… “Is that an M’Buku? Who let the M’Bukus back in town?” Then he does some research and finds out that he got a tribal band of the notorious M’Buku tribe. A tribe well known for molesting tortoises and eating a diet that consists solely of Kool-Aid, made with urine and carrots. And he’s allergic to carrots. Now he’s got a conundrum on his hands. And if he has a tribal band tattoo, he probably doesn’t know what a conundrum is. So, now he’s really screwed.
-When writing about the bands above, I referenced this email from Al:
“RC-
Well, as long as we get the lead singer to start sleeping with the lead
singer of our new industrial Goth band, Premature Cannibalism. This way we
can get access to the cover of Tiger Beat.
AS”
That reminded me that one night in college, my friends and I were talking about what magazine we’d most likely be on the cover of. We couldn’t have input on our own magazine though. My friend Mike was given “American Cinematographer.” Craig was given “Black Entrepreneur,” mainly because we had just discovered the existence of that magazine. Al was give “The Economist” or something like that. Glen was given a tech magazine. Me? Without hesitation, all of my friends said, “Tiger Beat… yeah, for sure… definitely Tiger Beat.”
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 5:21 PM
3 Comments:
My folk supergroup is called "And Sometimes Why." I also am part of a heavy metal foursome called "Church of the Brethren."
What about "The Milkies".
mine was always "innocuous rhino" and my b-f's was "gibbous moon." the first one was alternative pop, like green day, but they never made it out of the garage. gibbous was playing classic/folk stuff at empty bars and opened in not-well-attended clubs a few times. not superstars like your peeps.
Post a Comment
<< Home