Gameplayerstrionics
Three quick things, then a full-length blog tomorrow...
-I was listening to an interview with Donovan McNabb on ESPN radio on Sunday. He's always struck me as a smart guy. Then he said, "We'll do well this year, because we're a team that values teammanship."
What???? My friend, Jim, and I looked at each other, like, "What did he say?" Then there was a 10 second pause as we were trying to figure out what he could have possibly meant. Then Jim said, "Ohh... I think he meant teamwork." That would make sense, but where did he get teammanship. It's impossible to accidentally say that. It's not like he got two words mixed up and it came out wrong. That can't be the case, because none of those three words, team, man, and ship, go together. Never. Teamman? No. Manship? No, but I think they should. Teamship? No. I guess shipman works, but that has nothing to do with football.
Going back to the NBA draft, I think the announcers would have said, "He is not good with testing... does not do well on tests."
-My friend Al now drinks chickens. He has always had a strange diet. It consists solely of burgers, steaks, chicken breasts, French bread, baked potatoes, fries, Tastee Cakes and cheese pizza. It is devoid of all condiments. And Cajun Seasoning is the only acceptable flavor for his meat. He has never eaten fruit, ketchup, or anything like that.
While we were hanging out last Friday, around 4AM, he went into the kitchen to get a drink. He came back with something that I assumed was herbal tea. So, I said something like, "Wow, you're drinking herbal tea, that's a big step." He replied, "No, it's chicken broth." He was drinking it like Kool-Aid. He now drinks it every day now with dinner and considers it a legitimate beverage (as if it's chicken flavored Kool-Aid), not liquid meat, which it actually is. He washes his burger and fries dinners down with liquid chicken, then has another cup before bed.
So, to the parents and future parents reading this, this is why you let your kids cut the grass when they're growing up. If you don't, one day, they'll drink chickens, and that's gross. Come on, Al. Stop it.
-People reference movies and TV shows that I've never seen quite frequently. Last night, I realized why I'm never up to date on pop-culture. While the rest of America was watching Project Runway or whatever was on last night, I was watching a show on The History Channel about Shovels, which you can buy on DVD here:
http://store.aetv.com/html/product/index.jhtml?id=76076
I thought one particular rice shovel looked really cool. It had sharp teeth and a long ergonomic handle. I started to pick up my phone to call a friend to tell him about it. It was at that exact moment that I realized I'm probably not a lot of fun to hang out with.
-I was listening to an interview with Donovan McNabb on ESPN radio on Sunday. He's always struck me as a smart guy. Then he said, "We'll do well this year, because we're a team that values teammanship."
What???? My friend, Jim, and I looked at each other, like, "What did he say?" Then there was a 10 second pause as we were trying to figure out what he could have possibly meant. Then Jim said, "Ohh... I think he meant teamwork." That would make sense, but where did he get teammanship. It's impossible to accidentally say that. It's not like he got two words mixed up and it came out wrong. That can't be the case, because none of those three words, team, man, and ship, go together. Never. Teamman? No. Manship? No, but I think they should. Teamship? No. I guess shipman works, but that has nothing to do with football.
Going back to the NBA draft, I think the announcers would have said, "He is not good with testing... does not do well on tests."
-My friend Al now drinks chickens. He has always had a strange diet. It consists solely of burgers, steaks, chicken breasts, French bread, baked potatoes, fries, Tastee Cakes and cheese pizza. It is devoid of all condiments. And Cajun Seasoning is the only acceptable flavor for his meat. He has never eaten fruit, ketchup, or anything like that.
While we were hanging out last Friday, around 4AM, he went into the kitchen to get a drink. He came back with something that I assumed was herbal tea. So, I said something like, "Wow, you're drinking herbal tea, that's a big step." He replied, "No, it's chicken broth." He was drinking it like Kool-Aid. He now drinks it every day now with dinner and considers it a legitimate beverage (as if it's chicken flavored Kool-Aid), not liquid meat, which it actually is. He washes his burger and fries dinners down with liquid chicken, then has another cup before bed.
So, to the parents and future parents reading this, this is why you let your kids cut the grass when they're growing up. If you don't, one day, they'll drink chickens, and that's gross. Come on, Al. Stop it.
-People reference movies and TV shows that I've never seen quite frequently. Last night, I realized why I'm never up to date on pop-culture. While the rest of America was watching Project Runway or whatever was on last night, I was watching a show on The History Channel about Shovels, which you can buy on DVD here:
http://store.aetv.com/html/product/index.jhtml?id=76076
I thought one particular rice shovel looked really cool. It had sharp teeth and a long ergonomic handle. I started to pick up my phone to call a friend to tell him about it. It was at that exact moment that I realized I'm probably not a lot of fun to hang out with.
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 5:44 PM
2 Comments:
For the record, I do not drink the chicken broth with meals, only as a hot, soup-like beverage to keep warm just before bedtime.
Between this anecdote and the mention of me last week as the guy who coined the phrases Hasidic Piss and State Sponsored Sodomy, I realize now that I'm never going to come even close to sleeping with anyone who reads your blog. You think I'm being facetious, I'm actually a little sad. Thanks for slamming that door on me Ryan. Great teammanship on your part.
teammanship=teamwork+sportsmanship
maybe...
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