Finally...
Everyone is talking about it. It's that time of year again. I've put off the email requests as long as I could and now it's time to make it official. I now present to you my 2006 Deodorant Power Rankings and buying guide.
1. Speed Stick 24/7 Cool Fusion – After spending a few years as a has-been in the hygiene world, Speed Stick has made a Keifer Sutherland-esque return to the top. No deodorant comes close to Speed Stick 24/7 in effectiveness or scent. It also will never stain a shirt, whether you use the blue stick or the white stick.
2. Old Spice Red Zone – Red Zone is far above the rest of the pack in all areas. It lasts as long as Speed Stick 24/7 and has competetive scents. My only complaint is that it has stained a gym shirt or two. Also, Brian Urlacher endorses this product. I like that a lot.
3. Old Spice High Endurance – This is a great deodorant as well, but I don't understand why they continue to make it. It is essentially Red Zone Jr. This is the deodorant for you, if you don't want to fork over the extra 8 cents for Red Zone.
4.Mitchum Gel – For years, I noticed Mitchum on the shelves, but never gave it a try. However, recently I noticed that their slogan is “So effective you can skip a day.” I figured that you can't just go around making that claim if you can't back it up. So, I bought the gel, which is unscented. I naturally smell like jelly beans, so that didn't bother me.
After using Mitchum for about a month, I can attest that their slogan is true. I've done it twice. So, why isn't Mitchum higher up on the list? Because it's so effective that it scares me. It has triple the active ingredient of its competitors. That just sounds dangerous. I noticed yesterday that it bleached the armpits of one of my shirts. If they back off a little bit on the effectiveness, they're at the top of the list. In the meantime, the fear of it causing me to get armpit cancer, will keep it at number four.
5. Axe – Worked well and smelled good. Negatives: The stick is short and it crumbled all over Andy Kline's bathroom floor when I had about an inch left. Don't try to make that last sentence sound gay.
6. Mitchum Roll-On – I had to try the roll-on after using the gel. I had never used a roll-on prior to this because I don't have a vagina, so it was a new experience. Surprisingly, the roller doesn't pull hair. So, that's a plus. The downsides are that it is wet. With a roll-on, you are putting a liquid on to prevent future liquids, and I don't like that one bit.
7. Degree – I've never used Degree, but my research team has sent me a thorough report. It smells good and works well, but it stains shirts.
8. Brut- Brut is great deodorant to wear to a Barry Manilow concert.
9. Arrid – I've never tried this one due to it looking like welfare deodorant.
10.Arm and Hammer – An awesome deodorant if you want to smell like mothballs.
11. Adidas – When Adi Dassler founded Adidas, I don't think he ever envisioned that they would ever enter the hygiene market..There's a time and a place for Adidas to make deodorant. They are neither 2006 nor Earth.
12. Right Guard – Awful. Just awful. Doesn't work. Smells weird. Stains cloths. If you buy Right Guard gel, your penis should be confiscated at the check-out counter.
1. Speed Stick 24/7 Cool Fusion – After spending a few years as a has-been in the hygiene world, Speed Stick has made a Keifer Sutherland-esque return to the top. No deodorant comes close to Speed Stick 24/7 in effectiveness or scent. It also will never stain a shirt, whether you use the blue stick or the white stick.
2. Old Spice Red Zone – Red Zone is far above the rest of the pack in all areas. It lasts as long as Speed Stick 24/7 and has competetive scents. My only complaint is that it has stained a gym shirt or two. Also, Brian Urlacher endorses this product. I like that a lot.
3. Old Spice High Endurance – This is a great deodorant as well, but I don't understand why they continue to make it. It is essentially Red Zone Jr. This is the deodorant for you, if you don't want to fork over the extra 8 cents for Red Zone.
4.Mitchum Gel – For years, I noticed Mitchum on the shelves, but never gave it a try. However, recently I noticed that their slogan is “So effective you can skip a day.” I figured that you can't just go around making that claim if you can't back it up. So, I bought the gel, which is unscented. I naturally smell like jelly beans, so that didn't bother me.
After using Mitchum for about a month, I can attest that their slogan is true. I've done it twice. So, why isn't Mitchum higher up on the list? Because it's so effective that it scares me. It has triple the active ingredient of its competitors. That just sounds dangerous. I noticed yesterday that it bleached the armpits of one of my shirts. If they back off a little bit on the effectiveness, they're at the top of the list. In the meantime, the fear of it causing me to get armpit cancer, will keep it at number four.
5. Axe – Worked well and smelled good. Negatives: The stick is short and it crumbled all over Andy Kline's bathroom floor when I had about an inch left. Don't try to make that last sentence sound gay.
6. Mitchum Roll-On – I had to try the roll-on after using the gel. I had never used a roll-on prior to this because I don't have a vagina, so it was a new experience. Surprisingly, the roller doesn't pull hair. So, that's a plus. The downsides are that it is wet. With a roll-on, you are putting a liquid on to prevent future liquids, and I don't like that one bit.
7. Degree – I've never used Degree, but my research team has sent me a thorough report. It smells good and works well, but it stains shirts.
8. Brut- Brut is great deodorant to wear to a Barry Manilow concert.
9. Arrid – I've never tried this one due to it looking like welfare deodorant.
10.Arm and Hammer – An awesome deodorant if you want to smell like mothballs.
11. Adidas – When Adi Dassler founded Adidas, I don't think he ever envisioned that they would ever enter the hygiene market..There's a time and a place for Adidas to make deodorant. They are neither 2006 nor Earth.
12. Right Guard – Awful. Just awful. Doesn't work. Smells weird. Stains cloths. If you buy Right Guard gel, your penis should be confiscated at the check-out counter.
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 3:20 PM
1 Comments:
Addendum: My bathroom floor oozed sex appeal for at least 12 hours after the axe incident. Random women from around town stopped by periodically to rub their faces on it. But, on the down side, some of the tiles are now discolored.
Mitchum is like the George Mason of these rankings. Sure, it made the final four this time around, but by next year, nobody will be talking about it.
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