I'm not a public urinator

-I got a letter in the mail today informing me that I have been pre-approved for a WNBA Discover card. Could there be a more appropriate credit card sponsor? I don’t think so. I’ve considered accepting it, just to see the look on people’s faces when I whip out a card bearing the WNBA logo. Then when the place tells me they don’t accept Discover, I think we could all have a laugh together.
Why would anyone have a credit card that can only be used at about 20% of the time? I’ve never understood that. Is it for the WNBA discounts?
-I stopped at a Cracker Barrell yesterday when driving from NYC to DC. They sell “Cinnamon Broomsticks.” The WNBA should sponsor these too, because they’re as useless as a Discover card. What is the point of having a cinnamon scented broomstick? “Oh, that smells good. Did you make cinnamon rolls?” Nope. That’s just my broomsticks.
Why make anything smell edible if it’s not. I think that’s poor decision-making.
-According to a fake study, about once every four years, someone will listen to a song, while witnessing what the song is about. Yesterday, while listening to Karma Police, I saw a tow-truck towing another tow-truck. Then I reached out my window and gave God a high-five. It was solid too. It felt like it had been rehearsed.
-Eat organic eggs. I don’t know why, but they taste much better.
-Larry Poon, Jim Luoma and I were in Hoboken, NJ last week. We were looking for a place to get a quick meal before going into the city. We spotted a place called Buskers Bar and Grill. It looked like a standard bar on the outside; the type of place where you order Buffalo Wings and nothing else, because anything else might kill you. But we entered and they had white tablecloths and leather menus. The average meal was around $25-$30, and featured lamb chops, filet mignon, and things like that. We decided to stay eat food meals of chicken wraps. After a few minutes, I noticed yet another curveball thrown by Buskers. They were playing Huey Lewis and Boz Scaggs and other crap. There’s a place for that kind of music, but The Lido Shuffle doesn’t go well with lamb chops. Tesla and Chicken Marsala don’t complement each other. Come on Buskers. Come on.
-Monday night, I was leaving NYC for Hoboken, and stopped to get a slice. I asked the guy if they had a bathroom. Of course they didn’t. If New York had public restrooms, I would concede that it might be the greatest city on earth. But this is enough to knock them down to the same level as Greensboro, NC and Boise, ID. I asked if he knew where I could find a bathroom and he mumbled something. So, I said, “What’s the name of the place, again?” He repeated it. It was McDonald’s. I didn’t want him to think he didn’t speak English well, so I acted like it was my fault that I didn’t understand him the first time, and said, “McDonald’s? Is that a local sandwich shop or something?” I don’t know if he thought I’d never heard of McDonald’s, but that’s definitely what I was going for.
I went to McDonald’s and bought something, so they couldn’t tell me restrooms are for customers only. Then I asked where the bathroom was. She told me the men’s room was closed. I asked if I could use the women’s room. She looked at me like I was a witch. I asked what she recommended that I do. “Go outside. You’re a guy. Go in the street.” I reminded her that we were in Times Square, and that might not be a good idea.
So I headed back to Hoboken, trying to hold it. When I got there, Hoboken snookered me once more. All of the bars were closed, and I couldn’t wait any longer, so I peed on a building on a well-lit street. Then, I turned the corner, and ten feet away stood 5 port-a-johns.
-A list of the ten stupidest members of congress can be found here. It's really funny. I recommend clicking on the internal links as well.