Blog

-Correction: I referenced Adam Smith in a blog two weeks ago. I should have said Joseph Smith. My bad.
-I saw a truck that had a picture of Calvin, of Calvin and the Hobbes, peeing on Senator Barrack Obama. I'm thinking the owner of the truck had the senator mixed up with someone else. Maybe he got Obama and Osama mixed up. I have no idea.
I also saw a bumper sticker that said, “Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat.” I'm not even going to get into the obvious flaws in the analogy. I just don't understand why of all the fat people in the world, he singled out Rosie O'Donnell. It could have just said “fat people,” but they decided to make it personal.
-Kojo Mante and I had breakfast with Jay Hastings a few days ago, and Jay pitched what may go down as the worst idea in the history of clothing. “Someone should make winter jeans, with some type of warm, but soft insulation, like velvet.” Kojo and I told him that would be too hot. Jay said, “Well, make it breathable. And the outside, instead of being regular denim, should be like a hard plastic or rubbery material.”
Someone get on a prototype, now.
-I was recently reminded of my favorite Mike Tyson quote of all time, and maybe my all-time favorite quote from anyone. “I'm gonna fuck you 'til you love me, faggot.”
-How about that Michael Richards? Pretty funny stuff, huh? Edgy.
-I got searched at the Ft. Myers airport for having hand sanitizer in my carry-on. Who, what, when, where, why and how could hand sanitizer be used as a weapon.
There was an announcement over the intercom, and I'm spelling this phonetically “Twoshop Rodwaller Potbell, please return to your car immediately.” I will bet every dime that I make for the rest of my life that's not even close to the correct pronunciation. Also, usually when you hear someone mispronounce a name, you can make a guess as to what they were trying to say, or at least guess what language it is. Twoshop Rodwaller Potbell could be any language and no languages at the same time.
Then, in a summation of Germans and Florida, I went to a grocery store the day before Thanksgiving. While walking in, a German family was walking out and with no prompt, said, “The Germans bought the turkey.” I don't know what response they wanted. But I think we just nodded like they were kids bragging for not eating glue.
I wanted to buy a deck of playing cards, but the grocery store only had Bridge cards. Come on Florida, get some younger people in your state.
-I walked into a public restroom at the same time as another guy. We walked up to adjacent urinals. A few seconds later, I could hear the guy start peeing at the exact same time as me, which was weird. But it got weirder. We stopped at the exact same moment too. It was kind of cool. I think that was the male equivalent of being on the same cycle as another woman.
-In one of the most awkward moments in my life, I was walking out of a bar while reading the shirt of the guy in front of me. It said something like, “Deathtrap Tattoos,” or something equally as scary. As we were walking through the door, he held it for me, and while still reading his shirt, I put my hand on the door to take over the door holding responsibilities. But there was a problem. Instead of putting my hand on the door, I put my hand on his hand, as if I was trying to hold it. Then I froze up and said “Thank you,” and ran to the car.”
-There's a track on The Doors' box set called Adolph Hitler. The entire track goes like this:
“Adolf Hitler is still alive
I slept with her last night
Come out from behind
that false mustache, Adolf”
What the hell does that mean?