Grimlock Hungry
Erin Conroy – Someone typed “Erin Conroy American Gladiator” into a search engine and it directed them to my site. I thought you'd want to know that.
Due to the popularity of my Deodorant Power Rankings, I'm going to start writing more power rankings for other products and events. This one was going to be about lip balm, but upon further consideration, I realized it would come off more gay than funny. So, in honor of my trip to Denver, these are the November 1, 2006, Dinosaur Power Rankings.
Editor's Note: Ryan Conner doesn't plan on doing any research for this, so it's possible that there will be some fictitious content, including spelling.
1.Tyrannosaurus Rex – Sure, having the T-Rex at number one is like being a Yankees fan, but I used to draw this dinosaur on a daily basis in elementary school. That alone makes it good enough for first place. I also watched a Discovery Science special on them two days ago entitled, T-Rex: Warriors or Wimps? I think we all know the answer wasn't “wimps.” Besides, Grimlock is hungry.
2.Triceratops – Easily number two. Being a herbivore is not cool in dinosaur world, however, I believe it could still control a Polar Bear, which is the most fierce land animal on the planet today. Also, the coolest Dinobot was a triceratops. In my opinion, a dinosaur is the only acceptable thing for a robot to transform into. Cars? Nope. Guns? Nope. Dinosaurs? Hells yes. That's called a “lateral move.”
Side note: My 13-year-old brother, Joaquim, thinks he can take a Polar Bear in a fight.
3. Pterodactyl – It's number three for two reasons. 1) It's the number one referenced dinosaur among comedians. It's impossible to come up with a funnier sounding word. Try it. You can't. 2) There are four important categories to consider when determining if an animal is awesome. 1. Can it rip apart other animals? 2. Can it fly or climb trees? 3. Is it a dinosaur? 4. Is it a monkey or monkey-like?
Two out of four isn't bad. For future reference, if the answer to number 4 is “yes”, then the other categories are null and void. There's no such thing as a not-awesome monkey.
4. Brontosaurus – This is a complete bitch of a dinosaur. However, it's the second most-referenced dinosaur among comedians, and the most-referenced among people who live in Bedrock.
5. Larry King – Come on people, am I right? hahahha, lol, brb, topical, wtf, hgn, fag! {|;-)
6.Velociraptor – They are the Cretaceous equivalent to a rabid midget. Sure, you could take one rabid midget, but they travel in packs, just like midgets, and they will fuck you up. They stood only about 3 feet tall, but could take on much larger animals. They are also the dinosaur most-likely to kick you in the balls in a bar fight. I can't stress enough that you should not trust this dinosaur.
My friend, Glen, thinks he could win a fight against 50 midgets, if they aren't rabid and he starts in the middle of a football field and 25 midgets start in each end zone. I don't think it's possible. I think his strategy is to pick one up, and swing him at the other midgets, like a mace. My friends and I have about 50 similar ongoing arguments.
7. Brachiosaurus – Warning: WWF Analogy Ahead:
This dinosaur was the El Gigante of dinosaur world. Sure, it's huge, but it has no skill. If you get it off its feet, everyone's the same height on the mat. Even El Gigante wasn't immune to The Sharpshooter. No one was. That's all I'm saying about that.
8. Megalosaurus – The name of this Jurassic beast is Greek for “Great Lizard,” which is much better than its original name, “Scrotum Humanum.” I'm serious. That was its original name when it was discovered in the 17th century. It was the biggest predator of all. And, just a reminder, its former name was Greek for “Man Balls.”
9. Stegosaurus – The precursor to the porcupine. The only reason people talk about the stegosaurus is because it looked retarded. If “Mask” was made 150 million years ago, it would have been about a stegosaurus. With plates sticking out of its back, and spikes out of its tail, it did indeed look disfigured. But if a predator tried to bite its back, it would come up with a mouth full of plate, then receive a spleen full of spike. It was the dinosaur version of last year's Bears. No offense, but amazing defense.
10. Funasaurus – The future name of the first dinosaur discovered by Ryan Conner.
Honorable Mention:
Diplodocus – The longest dinosaur ever. We put up signs in the hallway in second grade marking its length. For the record, it was slightly longer than the 2nd grade hallway. And it was usually green, if I had anything to say about it.
Due to the popularity of my Deodorant Power Rankings, I'm going to start writing more power rankings for other products and events. This one was going to be about lip balm, but upon further consideration, I realized it would come off more gay than funny. So, in honor of my trip to Denver, these are the November 1, 2006, Dinosaur Power Rankings.
Editor's Note: Ryan Conner doesn't plan on doing any research for this, so it's possible that there will be some fictitious content, including spelling.
1.Tyrannosaurus Rex – Sure, having the T-Rex at number one is like being a Yankees fan, but I used to draw this dinosaur on a daily basis in elementary school. That alone makes it good enough for first place. I also watched a Discovery Science special on them two days ago entitled, T-Rex: Warriors or Wimps? I think we all know the answer wasn't “wimps.” Besides, Grimlock is hungry.
2.Triceratops – Easily number two. Being a herbivore is not cool in dinosaur world, however, I believe it could still control a Polar Bear, which is the most fierce land animal on the planet today. Also, the coolest Dinobot was a triceratops. In my opinion, a dinosaur is the only acceptable thing for a robot to transform into. Cars? Nope. Guns? Nope. Dinosaurs? Hells yes. That's called a “lateral move.”
Side note: My 13-year-old brother, Joaquim, thinks he can take a Polar Bear in a fight.
3. Pterodactyl – It's number three for two reasons. 1) It's the number one referenced dinosaur among comedians. It's impossible to come up with a funnier sounding word. Try it. You can't. 2) There are four important categories to consider when determining if an animal is awesome. 1. Can it rip apart other animals? 2. Can it fly or climb trees? 3. Is it a dinosaur? 4. Is it a monkey or monkey-like?
Two out of four isn't bad. For future reference, if the answer to number 4 is “yes”, then the other categories are null and void. There's no such thing as a not-awesome monkey.
4. Brontosaurus – This is a complete bitch of a dinosaur. However, it's the second most-referenced dinosaur among comedians, and the most-referenced among people who live in Bedrock.
5. Larry King – Come on people, am I right? hahahha, lol, brb, topical, wtf, hgn, fag! {|;-)
6.Velociraptor – They are the Cretaceous equivalent to a rabid midget. Sure, you could take one rabid midget, but they travel in packs, just like midgets, and they will fuck you up. They stood only about 3 feet tall, but could take on much larger animals. They are also the dinosaur most-likely to kick you in the balls in a bar fight. I can't stress enough that you should not trust this dinosaur.
My friend, Glen, thinks he could win a fight against 50 midgets, if they aren't rabid and he starts in the middle of a football field and 25 midgets start in each end zone. I don't think it's possible. I think his strategy is to pick one up, and swing him at the other midgets, like a mace. My friends and I have about 50 similar ongoing arguments.
7. Brachiosaurus – Warning: WWF Analogy Ahead:
This dinosaur was the El Gigante of dinosaur world. Sure, it's huge, but it has no skill. If you get it off its feet, everyone's the same height on the mat. Even El Gigante wasn't immune to The Sharpshooter. No one was. That's all I'm saying about that.
8. Megalosaurus – The name of this Jurassic beast is Greek for “Great Lizard,” which is much better than its original name, “Scrotum Humanum.” I'm serious. That was its original name when it was discovered in the 17th century. It was the biggest predator of all. And, just a reminder, its former name was Greek for “Man Balls.”
9. Stegosaurus – The precursor to the porcupine. The only reason people talk about the stegosaurus is because it looked retarded. If “Mask” was made 150 million years ago, it would have been about a stegosaurus. With plates sticking out of its back, and spikes out of its tail, it did indeed look disfigured. But if a predator tried to bite its back, it would come up with a mouth full of plate, then receive a spleen full of spike. It was the dinosaur version of last year's Bears. No offense, but amazing defense.
10. Funasaurus – The future name of the first dinosaur discovered by Ryan Conner.
Honorable Mention:
Diplodocus – The longest dinosaur ever. We put up signs in the hallway in second grade marking its length. For the record, it was slightly longer than the 2nd grade hallway. And it was usually green, if I had anything to say about it.
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 11:12 AM
1 Comments:
That's amazing.
I wish EVERYONE associated me with that show. All the time.
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