Power Rankings and Dick Bavetta

-Before we get into the blog, I have to mention something about NBA All-Star Weekend. I love just about every event of the weekend, and haven't missed one since 1990, when I was nine-years-old. I think the most compelling event, since Vince Carter was in the dunk contest, is this year's race between Charles Barkley and 67-year-old ref Dick Bavetta. What makes it better is that for three days I thought they were boxing instead of racing. So, I thought Barkley was going to literally kill someone on TNT. I was confused as to why society would let it happen. Because of the NBA-TNT-Roadhouse connection, I was also excited for the headline, "Barkley Used to Fuck Guys Like Dick Bavetta in Prison." Now that I know they're racing, it makes more sense.

-Notes from All-Star Saturday Night:

Shaq just described Dominique Wilkins as having “a lot of sexy force.”

Bill Laimbeer got booed by everyone at the Shooting Stars Competition. Do you know how much you have to hate someone to boo them at a fun, trivial event, 13 years after they retired? A lot. The atmosphere was carnival-like. Skeletor wouldn't even get that reaction if he walked into Castle Gray Skull today.

-This is a Top 10 NBA game dunk of all time. It gets overlooked in most of the countdowns. It was in one of the most heated, physical playoff series of all-time. You can't see it in this video, but as Ewing was on his back, Pippen stood over him, pointed at him and yelled, “Get up!” Watch it. http://youtube.com/watch?v=SLkzLgZ5wdY

-Time for another Power Rankings. I'm writing this because I watched the NBA All-Star Weekend Celebrity Game last night. It was horrific.

10 Most Pointless Things Involving Celebrities and Athletes on TV Power Rankings.

10. Rock 'n' Jock Softball Game – The Rock 'n' Jock basketball game was great. They made up for the poor play with things like the 25-point basket. The softball game had nothing like that. Also, it's softball. It's not even that fun to play. No one wants to watch it.

9. Old VH-1 Show – I don't remember the name of it, but there was a show where celebrities sat on couches and talked about their favorite songs. There was no contest aspect at all. One person would say, “I really love 'Hungry Like the Wolf.'” And everyone else would say, “Me too.” That happened on TV for thirty minutes at a time

8. Celebrity Poker on TV – What's worse than watching celebrities play sports? Watching celebrities play cards. As I'm writing this, I can't believe this is a show. Are we that obsessed with celebrities? I'm going to E! tomorrow to pitch Celebrity Barbecue and Celebrity CD Alphabetizing.

7. Certain Olympic Events – Sports should be required to have a minimum amount of participants worldwide in order to be in the Olympics. Some events have such a small pool of talent to pull from that it's the equivalent of making a high school basketball team. The average U.S. high school has about 1,400 students (I'm making all the numbers up.) About 300 of those play basketball. Twelve will make the team. There's no way there are more than 300 lugers, boblsedders, winter biathletes or curlers in the entire country. Get rid of these events.

6. MTV Movie Awards/ Best of the MTV Movie Awards – I know MTV doesn't take this show seriously, but its audience does, which is annoying. In 1999, the best picture award went to There's Something About Mary. It beat Saving Private Ryan and Truman Show. Last year's nominees were 40-Year Old Virgin, Batman Begins, King Kong, Sin City and Wedding Crashers. The thing that annoys me the most is that most of the nominees are films by MTV films and Paramount (same company). At the same time, you can tell the MTV people are funny and get it, because they'll air shows like “Best Moments from The Best of The MTV Movie Awards Pre-Show.” I think the people at MTV are just pushing it to see what people will watch. To that, I tip my invisible hat. I also enjoy My Super Sweet 16.

5. Monday Night Football's New “Interview a Celebrity” Segment – Monday Night Football used to be something I could never miss. I still never miss it, but I mute the TV during the third quarter. That's because this season, they started bringing in a celebrity for “guest analysis” during the third. During Week 1, they had Jamie Foxx. I thought it was somewhat acceptable, because he was in Any Given Sunday. But no one else, over the next 16 weeks, had anything to do with football. Pointless and annoying.

4. Madden Challenge on ESPN – This is worse than celebrity poker. It's a show in which we watch regular guys play a video game that we all own, and could be playing instead of watching them play. Sometimes they'll have an NFL player or an actor on the show. I don't know how this is only number four. I'm probably understating how bad this is.

3. NBA All-Star Game Fan Balloting – I love the NBA All-Star Game, but fan balloting cheapens the game. Twenty-four people make the All-Star Game. Ten of those are selected by the fans. Usually, two to four of those guys don't deserve to be in the game, which forces out guys who deserve to be All-Stars. This causes the annual all-star snub debates. Elton Brand didn't make it. Carmelo Anthony didn't make it until he filled in for someone's injury. I could go on for days about this. Also, Ben Gordon didn't make it, and Chauncey Billups did. I will never forgive anyone who was a part of making this happen.

2. NBA All-Star Celebrity Game – My nephew's and my brother's middle school teams could have beat either team. And my nephew's AAU team would have crushed them. My nephew is 12. The problem wasn't that shitty guys were playing basketball. That happens all the time, just not on TV. I know I could turn it off, but I kept thinking someone was going to be decent. It's like Comedy Central airing an amateur open-mic. You're watching, thinking, “I can't turn it off. There has to be a reason for this. They wouldn't bring out the cameras if they're all going to suck.” But there was no reason. Only Tony Potts had any type of skill. And I'm not sure how he's a celebrity. Who is Tony Potts? Google doesn't even know.

I don't really care about being famous, but I'd like to be famous enough to play in this game, so I could score 50 points on national TV.

1. Grammy Awards – This show is more irrelevant than The Proud Family. Why? Nelly has won more Grammys than The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Jimi Henrix and The Grateful Dead combined.