NBA Playoff Predictions

Not that anyone cares, but here are my predictions for the first round of the NBA Playoffs. Before getting into it, I'd like to restate that the NBA's playoff seeding rules (division winners hold 3 of top 4 seeds, regardless of record) is the third-worst system international sports. First is the BCS. Second is European soccer tournaments settling ties in two-game series by who scored the most away goals.

-#1 Detroit vs #8 Orlando - I hate Detroit with an unhealthy amount of intensity. I hate everything about the team. They're dirty. They instigate fights. They complain. They talk trash non-stop. They get away with more, as a team, than anyone in the NBA. It seems like refs are afraid of them. They have the perennial leader in techs in Rasheed Wallace. And Richard Hamilton was number two this year. He has become more of a bitch every year since he left the Wizards. Once again, I hate them with every ounce of my being.

I love Grant Hill. If not for the eight straight years of injuries, he would be one of the top 20 guys to ever play. Because of the injuries, he's just "very good." Dwight Howard is a monster. Turkoglu has been playing great. The rest of the team is on its way. However, at this point they're way to young to have even a remote chance in this series.

Prediction: Detroit should sweep. But they're too cocky and will play one half-ass game, most likely Game 4, and blow it. Detroit 4-1.

-#2 Cleveland vs #7 Washington - If Arenas and Butler were healthy, this would go seven games, and probably go to the Wizards. As long as Lebron's ankle is okay, this will be a five game series.

Now the Wizards know how it feels to be in the playoffs without their two most important players. This happened with the Bulls when they faced, and lost to the Wizards two years ago. The Bulls were missing Eddy Curry and Luol Deng. After that series, they acted as if they played a full-strength Chicago team, and talked trash as if it were the case. The Wizards had this series coming.

Prediction: Cleveland 4-1. Immediately following the final game, Brenden Haywood will make an idiotic statement about why they lost. Then he will go to a locker room full of people who hate him.

-#3 Toronto vs #6 New Jersey - Toronto is the better team by far. They're much better rounded, and better equipped to be a good team for years to come. But they're way too young. They'll go out in the first round this year and probably next, before competing for the conference title for the next few years.

New Jersey has too much experience to lose this. Jason Kidd is playing perfectly, aside from the fact that he couldn't win a middle-school three-point contest. Somehow, he's one of the worst shooters I've ever seen, but still a top 3 point guard.. He does everything else so well that people don't even talk about his shooting very often. Richard Jefferson is playing as well as ever. Vince Carter is still on contract with Satan. That's the only way I can explain him going a full year without an injury.

Prediction: New Jersey 4-3

-#4 Miami vs #5 Chicago - All the "Never underestimate Shaq," and "Don't count out the defending champs" talk has to stop. It will in a week. Everyone is picking this series to go seven games. I've watched 79 Chicago games this year and around 25 Miami games. With that said, Miami doesn't stand a chance. Last year was a special year in which everything clicked. It will not happen again. Shaq is in his best shape of the past 8 years. But he's a year older than last year. And he's up against Ben Wallace. Dwayne Wade is great, but he's not at 100%. He's also being guarded by Hinrich, who has guarded him better than anyone in the NBA. Wade can't consistently shoot over 40% against Hinrich. If Hinrich is in foul trouble, Thabo Sefelosha guarded Kobe Bryant as well as anyone this year. I'm sure he can step in on Wade. Antoine Walker is a cancer to the team. He'll have one or two good games, which will give him the confidence to shoot every time he touches the ball for the rest of the series. That's not good for the Heat. The main reason Chicago will prevail isn't due to Miami's deficiencies as it is due to Chicago's qualities, which are Luol Deng, Ben Gordon and Kirk Hinrich. Luol Deng just turned 22 last week and is incredible. He will torch Miami in EVERY game. He will be a top-5 NBA player in two years. Ben Gordon scores at will. No one in the league can check him. Hinrich's defense, shooting and playmaking will make it tough for any team in the East to beat the Bulls. Also, Tyrus Thomas and Andres Nocioni will change games with their energy. Nocioni is the hardest worker in the league. Thomas is the most athletic player I've ever seen. That's all he is now, but it's enough. He can block shots, rebound and dunk on people from anywhere.

Prediction: Chicago 4-1. Miami will pick up game 3. That's it. They can't win in Chicago. Riley will complain about the officiating once Miami is down two games.

#1 Dallas vs #8 Golden State - This should be an easy one, with Dallas strolling through the regular season and Golden State just getting in the playoffs on the last day of the season. However, they were swept by Golden State, 3-0. It's a dream match-up for the Warriors. They would lose to Phoenix, who plays the same type of ball, except better. San Antonio can shut them down completely. For some reason, Dallas has a hard time with them. Golden State plays extremely fast, and tries to get as many possessions in the game as possible. They don't like the half-court game, which Dallas has mastered. If Dallas can slow the tempo and keep the games under 105, which they can and will do, they'll win. It won't be easy though.

Prediction: Dallas 4-3. I think this series will go back and forth, ending in a game seven that Dallas dominates. It's also possible that Dallas will win the next four games. This is a tough series to pick.

#2 Phoenix vs #7 LA Lakers - Kobe is the most talented player in the NBA by far. If he trusted his teammates, as he did when they were winning at the beginning of the season, they could win the series. He doesn't, and they won't.

Game one came to a close with Kobe taking six horrible fourth quarter shots with wide open teammates looking on. If he does start passing, getting Odom more involved in the offense(15-18ppg won't cut it), and if Luke Walton averages 10ppg, they could win the series. I don't think all three of those things could happen, unless Kobe has a James Joyce style epiphany this week. Phoenix is too good on offense for LA to get a big lead. Whenever the game is close, or if LA is behind, Kobe will not pass the ball. This will kill them. Lakers fans should hope Kobe starts listening to Phil Jackson and gets his teammates involved.

Prediction: Phoenix 4-2. LA will win games 2 and 5.

#3 San Antonio vs #6 Denver - San Antonio is too good for Denver. Their defense is perfect. Their half-court offense is perfect. Denver is a great offensive team with one great defender, in Camby. Other than that, they couldn't guard a team of chairs. If you look at point differential during the regular season, and total blowouts, San Antonio is impressive in both categories. This means they don't just win, they dominate. Denver will probably pick up two games, simply by having great offensive games. They can't do that four times in seven games though.

Prediction: San Antonio 4-2

#4Utah vs #5 Houston - Kirilenko is one of the most talented big men in the NBA. However, this season he has been absolutely awful. I don't know if Putin has been intimidating him for helping the American economy and entertaining Americans, or what. Something is up with him. If he plays well in the series, it can go seven games. Boozer will be great every night. The rest of the team is too young. They're like Toronto will be next year... one year away from realizing their potential.

Houston is too good. They, like San Antonio, Chicago and Detroit, are built for the playoffs. They're solid at every position, have two superstars, and play an active defense that forces turnovers and forces bad shots. They can run on offense,but their half-court game is top-notch. They're quick enough to keep teams from running on them. And they had the best half-court defense in the NBA this year. I think whoever wins the second round matchup between Houston and San Antonio will win it all. This will most-likely be the Spurs.

Prediction: Houston 4-1