How many times do I have to repeat this joke?

-There's a new Truth, anti-smoking commercial. It shows a fat kid playing with his fat stomach. Then it says that smoking causes you to get fat. Whatever happened to cancer? Did smoking stop causing cancer, and now we can focus on it making people fat? Also, doesn't smoking suppress your appetite? I've never smoked a cigarette, but I'm guessing smokers put cancer and stomach fat in the same order as non-smokers.

-A friend of mine said, "WTF." That abbreviation contains more syllables than the words themselves. Inefficiency.

-Last weekend was the 11th Semi-Annual Keg Race in Fairfax. Some of you might remember that my team won last year. I was the Christian Laettner on my teams' Dream Team. That's the third time I've made that joke on my blog. I'm just making sure everyone gets it.

Anyway, a friend of mine, whose name I won't mention, was talking to a girl, with whom he had nothing in common. He described her as a crazier version of Ann Coulter. But he was going along with everything she said, because he had been drinking a lot of beer and saw some possibilities. Then she wanted to do a keg stand. I've never done that, and would never consider doing a keg stand. I won't do one now, because I'm older than 19. I never did one in the past because I wasn't in a fraternity. I never saw any reason to combine gymnastics and beer. Actually, any sport and beer. And I don't see how it could taste different when you're upside down. I'm pretty sure it's just a way of letting everyone else know that you're a tool. Having your feet 10-feet in the air, like a flag ensures a wider audience will know you're a tool. So, it was fitting that this girl wanted to do one. My friend who was talking to her, definitely agrees with all of my points on keg stands. However, she asked him to hold her up. Apparently, you're supposed to hold from the knees or thighs. It makes sense when you think about it. But he'd never done it and figured he could do anything the pledges of Theta Chi can do, without thinking through the logistics. Wrong. He held her by the ankles. She was up for about 4 seconds, then BAM! straight to the ground. Every conversation stopped, and pretended to continue as we averted our eyes to watch the aftermath of the fall, while keeping our heads pointed toward our conversations. I was sure she'd yell at him. I was wrong. She wanted to try again. They used the same ankle grabbing technique. Four seconds later, BAM! face on the keg, then a tumble to the ground. When she came up, her pants were slightly open, as her top button was a keg stand casualty. Lesson: Don't do keg stands.

Also at the keg race, Jay Hastings fell asleep (passed out) on the steps of the townhouse. When a friend woke him up and told him to find a couch, he got up and walked away. About an hour and half later, we realized that Jay had been missing. My friend Kelly, and I, went looking for him. about 10 minutes later, we found him sleeping IN bushes in the back yard. Actually, it was a pile of brush, between bushes. Still... Lesson: Jay Hastings knows how to have a good time! [cue Motley Crue].

-I don't have time now, but hopefully tomorrow I'll write about how to get arrested in Hoboken, NJ. It's easier and harder than you'd think.