McDonald's Presents... An Evening in Dauchau

-While walking through Hoboken last night, I saw a girl wearing a shirt that read, "Wish You Always Maybe." The girl is part of a human sub-species known as "Jersey Girls." They're extremely rare throughout the world, however heavily concentrated in New Jersey. They can be spotted from hundreds of yards away by the glow of their numerous pieces of gold jewelery and the sheen of their freshly gelled hair.

-Saturday night marked the first live performance by Crucial Element, a fake rap group, consisting of myself and Quincy Ledbetter. We're in the middle of a big project with Crucial Element that I can't reveal just yet. The show went perfectly. The joke is that Crucial Element is horrible. The music and the lyrics absolutely suck. The goal is for people to think we're real and either A) Love us, or B) Hate us. Either way, it's funny. Everyone at the show thought we were real. Most people got visibly annoyed the first time we chanted "We Don't Need No School," and began having conversations. However, some people loved it. A fan, who knows we're not serious, showed up in a Crucial Element shirt that she had printed. A UFC fighter was in attendance as well. He loved us. That's all I can reveal now.

-Boston Market signed a bad contract. They used to play normal music. I went to two different Boston Markets over the weekend, and they were playing covers of Bill Withers' "Ain't No Sunshine," and Nirvana's "Come As You Are." Normally, I don't think people notice music in fast-food places, but people appeared disturbed by what they were hearing. "Ain't No Sunshine" sounded like a middle school band. "Come As You Are," sounded like it was by a deaf woman. These songs are pretty gloomy for a fast-food restaurant too. Pretty soon, McDonald's is going to be showing amateur Holocaust films in the playground.

-I feel bad for the guy who created Calvin and the Hobbes. Now the national sign of a redneck not liking something is a decal of Calvin peeing on whatever it is that he doesn't like. The most recent one that I saw was Calvin, wearing a USA hat, and peeing on the word "Iraq." It's a little ambiguous. Is he saying that our war has ruined their country, or is he saying he doesn't like Iraq? Either way, the Calvin and the Hobbes guy is losing.

-If you get a chance, watch the documentary, "Who Killed the Electric Car." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Who_Killed_the_Electric_Car%3F