Notes
-My brother Sam, who is in the 6th grade, still believes in Santa Claus. I was out late on Christmas Eve and he told me to say "Hi" to Santa if I got home when he was there. I said, "Okay," dismissively.
Then he got excited and said, "Oh, and you better tell Rudolph I said hi too."
Sure that he was joking, I played dumb, pretending that I'd never heard of Rudolph. But Sam persisted, telling me all about him. Then I made him do earmuffs, paused my game of Madden, and I asked my brother Joaquim, "Is Sam serious?" Joaquim turned his head, stared and studied Sam for about 3 seconds, then turned back and said, as if he was diagnosing an illness, "Yeah, he's serious."
A couple days earlier, Joaquim asked, "Where is my shoes at?" Then he realized the grammatical error and corrected himself. "Where are my shoes at?" No one bothered to explain the article rule. If you get "is" and "are" mixed up, you aren't ready for the article rule.
-My brothers got a PS3 and buttload of games for Christmas. One of the games was Guitar Hero. I don't know if these songs were on the game or not, but Sam was running around the house, with the fake guitar around his neck, yelling. "Rock this way! Rock this way!" He meant "Walk this way..."
Another song was, "I love rock 'n' roll. Pada don dang dinga doo-bop baby."
Oh yeah, and "War, huh, duh gah pa. What it it is it duh guh? Amstalamly... NOTHING!" There's a section of that song in which three out of four words is "it." I didn't know that was possible.
-This happened several years ago, but I just remembered it. When my nephew, Alex, was about 5 or 6, he said, "Do you know Santa Claus' real name?" We said no. He said, "Frank Nicholas."
We asked, "Frank Nicholas?"
"Yep. Frank is going to bring me presents."
Cosby was right. Kids sure do say the darndest things.
-I was at my grandparents' house on Christmas Eve, in Boones Mill, VA. Look it up if you want. I'm not sure if Google knows about Boones Mill yet.
One thing was said that was really funny. One thing happened that was really funny.
Said:
There was about 25-30 kinds of food available. One of my brothers, Jasper, is vegan. He couldn't eat anything. Nothing at all. Not even vegetables because of how they were prepared. I don't know who gets hurt in the production of butter, but he insists that cows hate butter. My uncle, Jacob, was asking, "Why can't you eat broccoli," etc... Jasper kept giving him reasons. Finally, Jacob gave up and said, "You want to go outside and graze in the front yard for a while?"
Funny event:
We usually play football on Christmas Eve. There's always a football shortage though. Everyone assumes that someone else will have a ball, and we end up having to play with a NERF ball or something.
The family is huge (about 40-50 people), so we draw names for presents. Brent (brother) drew the name of a 6-year-old cousin. He figured that the cousin probably likes football. If he got him a football, he would probably like it, and we'd have a football on the ready for the annual game. Smart and selfish thinking. Whatever.
Just after he opened it, everyone started asking, "Are you ready to play football? Can we borrow that football?" Then we found out that the cousin and his dad, also my cousin, had to leave in 15 minutes. So, Brent asked if we could borrow the football. That's a ballsy-move. One could argue it is also a dick-move. It's an all-out-male-genitalia-move. The cousins decided to stay a little longer, so we could play football.
We went outside and tossed it back and forth a couple times. Then competitiveness sank in. I decided to try to throw it about 40 yards without the ball ever going over five-feet in the air(to avoid a tree). That is impossible. It hit the ground after about 25 yards. Then Brent decided that he should show off his arm strength (This was about three minutes after we came outside). He told me to back up, behind a row of 70ft pine trees. He was going to throw the ball roughly 50 yards, and over the trees. He launched it. If trees weren't there, the ball would have easily gone 60-65 yards. However, the trees were there, as previously stated. The ball got stuck in the tree about 50 feet up. So, my cousin never got to throw his new football even once. And the game never happened. All because Brent wanted people to know how strong his arms are. At first he tried to climb the tree to retrieve the ball. He got about 10 feet up, and I made him get down. Death would have happened if he kept climbing. Then the reached in his pocket, pulled out a twenty and gave it to my cousin. Brent told him, "Sorry about that. You can get another football with this." My cousin's eyes lit up as he said, "That's okay, I'll get something else." Then he ran to his dad's car to leave before Brent changed his mind. Then Brent yelled to the car, "If the ball falls out of the tree, it's mine." The spirit of giving was alive in Boones Mill, VA that day.
Then he got excited and said, "Oh, and you better tell Rudolph I said hi too."
Sure that he was joking, I played dumb, pretending that I'd never heard of Rudolph. But Sam persisted, telling me all about him. Then I made him do earmuffs, paused my game of Madden, and I asked my brother Joaquim, "Is Sam serious?" Joaquim turned his head, stared and studied Sam for about 3 seconds, then turned back and said, as if he was diagnosing an illness, "Yeah, he's serious."
A couple days earlier, Joaquim asked, "Where is my shoes at?" Then he realized the grammatical error and corrected himself. "Where are my shoes at?" No one bothered to explain the article rule. If you get "is" and "are" mixed up, you aren't ready for the article rule.
-My brothers got a PS3 and buttload of games for Christmas. One of the games was Guitar Hero. I don't know if these songs were on the game or not, but Sam was running around the house, with the fake guitar around his neck, yelling. "Rock this way! Rock this way!" He meant "Walk this way..."
Another song was, "I love rock 'n' roll. Pada don dang dinga doo-bop baby."
Oh yeah, and "War, huh, duh gah pa. What it it is it duh guh? Amstalamly... NOTHING!" There's a section of that song in which three out of four words is "it." I didn't know that was possible.
-This happened several years ago, but I just remembered it. When my nephew, Alex, was about 5 or 6, he said, "Do you know Santa Claus' real name?" We said no. He said, "Frank Nicholas."
We asked, "Frank Nicholas?"
"Yep. Frank is going to bring me presents."
Cosby was right. Kids sure do say the darndest things.
-I was at my grandparents' house on Christmas Eve, in Boones Mill, VA. Look it up if you want. I'm not sure if Google knows about Boones Mill yet.
One thing was said that was really funny. One thing happened that was really funny.
Said:
There was about 25-30 kinds of food available. One of my brothers, Jasper, is vegan. He couldn't eat anything. Nothing at all. Not even vegetables because of how they were prepared. I don't know who gets hurt in the production of butter, but he insists that cows hate butter. My uncle, Jacob, was asking, "Why can't you eat broccoli," etc... Jasper kept giving him reasons. Finally, Jacob gave up and said, "You want to go outside and graze in the front yard for a while?"
Funny event:
We usually play football on Christmas Eve. There's always a football shortage though. Everyone assumes that someone else will have a ball, and we end up having to play with a NERF ball or something.
The family is huge (about 40-50 people), so we draw names for presents. Brent (brother) drew the name of a 6-year-old cousin. He figured that the cousin probably likes football. If he got him a football, he would probably like it, and we'd have a football on the ready for the annual game. Smart and selfish thinking. Whatever.
Just after he opened it, everyone started asking, "Are you ready to play football? Can we borrow that football?" Then we found out that the cousin and his dad, also my cousin, had to leave in 15 minutes. So, Brent asked if we could borrow the football. That's a ballsy-move. One could argue it is also a dick-move. It's an all-out-male-genitalia-move. The cousins decided to stay a little longer, so we could play football.
We went outside and tossed it back and forth a couple times. Then competitiveness sank in. I decided to try to throw it about 40 yards without the ball ever going over five-feet in the air(to avoid a tree). That is impossible. It hit the ground after about 25 yards. Then Brent decided that he should show off his arm strength (This was about three minutes after we came outside). He told me to back up, behind a row of 70ft pine trees. He was going to throw the ball roughly 50 yards, and over the trees. He launched it. If trees weren't there, the ball would have easily gone 60-65 yards. However, the trees were there, as previously stated. The ball got stuck in the tree about 50 feet up. So, my cousin never got to throw his new football even once. And the game never happened. All because Brent wanted people to know how strong his arms are. At first he tried to climb the tree to retrieve the ball. He got about 10 feet up, and I made him get down. Death would have happened if he kept climbing. Then the reached in his pocket, pulled out a twenty and gave it to my cousin. Brent told him, "Sorry about that. You can get another football with this." My cousin's eyes lit up as he said, "That's okay, I'll get something else." Then he ran to his dad's car to leave before Brent changed his mind. Then Brent yelled to the car, "If the ball falls out of the tree, it's mine." The spirit of giving was alive in Boones Mill, VA that day.
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 1:11 PM
1 Comments:
You're a dick.
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