Get LOST in my blog... heyo
-This is hilarious. I read a website called politicalwire.com . They post a Quote of the Day. This was yesterday's.
"Anybody who looks at the two cases will see there is an enormous difference between the two of them."
-- Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), quoted by the New Orleans Times-Picayune, on why his prostitution scandal is not the same as that of New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer (D).
The only difference is their political parties, and Spitzer brought a New York City hooker(keeping money in the community) to DC, whereas Vitter utilized some homegrown D.C. talent. Oh yeah, and Vitter refused to step down, claiming God forgave him and said it's okay. That is the "enormous difference" in the two cases. One had God's blessing. "As long as they're good Christian whores..."
-Last night, I was checking the news while at a show. I saw a headline that the new NY Governor has admitted to an affair, "Just hours after being sworn in." I opened the story and this is the picture that came up.
My natural reaction to seeing such a picture was to turn to the comic next to me, show it to him and ask, "Does the new governor have Downs Syndrome?" I said it because of the blank look on his face, the crazy eyes, and the fact that he's facing the wrong direction.
It turns out that not only was that a stupid question, but also what the streets like to call "a dickmove." The comic responded, "Oh yeah, isn't he blind?"
Hmm... That would explain the crazy eyes. Shouldn't journalists have to state that he's blind in every article? Just to tip people off. I know we're a p.c. society, who frowns on acknowledging differences. But the guy is blind. Just start every story with, "Governor Patterson, who can't see things...," "Blind Governor Patterson...," or, "Governor Patterson was in Albany today, although he wouldn't have known if he were anywhere else..."
Same thing with Heather Mills McCartney. Just tell people up front that she only has one leg. Then people won't make jokes about the fact that she has a horse face and just happens to appear to trot, instead of walk like a normal human.
-Last night, a tall person, with whom I'm acquainted, started talking to me. But it was weird. The talking wasn't weird. While talking to me, he kept reaching out to shake my hand. When our hands would make contact, he would pull away. Then he would put it out there again, all while telling me a story. This handshake attempt faltered four times before I realized that he wasn't trying to shake my hand at all. He's just way taller than me and that's where his hands happen to be at all times. So, to him, it looked like I was trying to hold his hand over and over and over.
-There are two reasons that I hadn't written any comedy blogs for two weeks. The first reason is the issue with my brother, which I wrote about during that period. The other reason is LOST. If you haven't seen it, do it. Don't watch the new ones though. Start with the first episode and work forward. You don't even have to buy the DVDs. They're all free on the ABC website.
My girlfriend recommended the show to me months ago. I didn't get around to watching it for a while, because Oz is the only TV drama that I've ever liked. I didn't give the show a chance. Then I watched two episodes and was hooked. My friend, Matt, let me borrow the first three seasons (72 episodes, and 54 hours). I watched them in 10 days. That's with two down days. One day, I watched 13 episodes. My roommate did the same. Anyone who has seen the show will attest that it is incredible.
The problem is that during the course of those 10 days, it ruled my life. I stayed up until 5am to watch and woke up at 9am to watch more. I accomplished nothing else. Not only has it taken over my time, but also my mind. Evidence...
-I was watching an episode at 3am last week. It was a freaky episode. Then I heard something fall, coinciding with something in the show. I yelled at my roommate, who had been sleeping for hours, "Quincy! Quincy! What the hell was that? Quincy! What just happened?" I ran out of the room I was watching in, turned on all the lights and examined the apartment for trouble. Found nothing. I went back to the room I was watching in to discover the "trouble." Quincy's coat fell off the couch.
-I thought a sleeping guy on the bus was dead, because he wasn't waking up easily. My thought process was, "Why do I keep finding all the dead people? Now I have to explain this to Jack. He'll think I had something to do with it."
-Just after watching an episode in which a character is playing "Wonderwall" over and over, on the island, and in London's Underground, I went to the Subway. As soon as I walked in, there was a guy singing "Wonderwall." I realize it's a coincidence, because it's a very easy song to play. It still freaked me out a little.
-I've had LOST dreams every night since then. All but one time, I've been a survivor in another great episode. Except for two nights ago when I dreamed that I was watching the show. Re-read that sentence. Least proactive dream ever.
-Two things I've noticed about the show. 1) By now, almost all of the characters would have died of brain damage from all of the concussions they suffer. Most of the lead characters have been knocked out at least 10 times. The brain can't take that. 2) Whenever there is a disagreement, almost all of the characters underestimate the power of reason. They don't even bother presenting their arguments. Instead, they just knock the other person out. That will gain the other person's trust.
"Anybody who looks at the two cases will see there is an enormous difference between the two of them."
-- Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), quoted by the New Orleans Times-Picayune, on why his prostitution scandal is not the same as that of New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer (D).
The only difference is their political parties, and Spitzer brought a New York City hooker(keeping money in the community) to DC, whereas Vitter utilized some homegrown D.C. talent. Oh yeah, and Vitter refused to step down, claiming God forgave him and said it's okay. That is the "enormous difference" in the two cases. One had God's blessing. "As long as they're good Christian whores..."
-Last night, I was checking the news while at a show. I saw a headline that the new NY Governor has admitted to an affair, "Just hours after being sworn in." I opened the story and this is the picture that came up.
My natural reaction to seeing such a picture was to turn to the comic next to me, show it to him and ask, "Does the new governor have Downs Syndrome?" I said it because of the blank look on his face, the crazy eyes, and the fact that he's facing the wrong direction.
It turns out that not only was that a stupid question, but also what the streets like to call "a dickmove." The comic responded, "Oh yeah, isn't he blind?"
Hmm... That would explain the crazy eyes. Shouldn't journalists have to state that he's blind in every article? Just to tip people off. I know we're a p.c. society, who frowns on acknowledging differences. But the guy is blind. Just start every story with, "Governor Patterson, who can't see things...," "Blind Governor Patterson...," or, "Governor Patterson was in Albany today, although he wouldn't have known if he were anywhere else..."
Same thing with Heather Mills McCartney. Just tell people up front that she only has one leg. Then people won't make jokes about the fact that she has a horse face and just happens to appear to trot, instead of walk like a normal human.
-Last night, a tall person, with whom I'm acquainted, started talking to me. But it was weird. The talking wasn't weird. While talking to me, he kept reaching out to shake my hand. When our hands would make contact, he would pull away. Then he would put it out there again, all while telling me a story. This handshake attempt faltered four times before I realized that he wasn't trying to shake my hand at all. He's just way taller than me and that's where his hands happen to be at all times. So, to him, it looked like I was trying to hold his hand over and over and over.
-There are two reasons that I hadn't written any comedy blogs for two weeks. The first reason is the issue with my brother, which I wrote about during that period. The other reason is LOST. If you haven't seen it, do it. Don't watch the new ones though. Start with the first episode and work forward. You don't even have to buy the DVDs. They're all free on the ABC website.
My girlfriend recommended the show to me months ago. I didn't get around to watching it for a while, because Oz is the only TV drama that I've ever liked. I didn't give the show a chance. Then I watched two episodes and was hooked. My friend, Matt, let me borrow the first three seasons (72 episodes, and 54 hours). I watched them in 10 days. That's with two down days. One day, I watched 13 episodes. My roommate did the same. Anyone who has seen the show will attest that it is incredible.
The problem is that during the course of those 10 days, it ruled my life. I stayed up until 5am to watch and woke up at 9am to watch more. I accomplished nothing else. Not only has it taken over my time, but also my mind. Evidence...
-I was watching an episode at 3am last week. It was a freaky episode. Then I heard something fall, coinciding with something in the show. I yelled at my roommate, who had been sleeping for hours, "Quincy! Quincy! What the hell was that? Quincy! What just happened?" I ran out of the room I was watching in, turned on all the lights and examined the apartment for trouble. Found nothing. I went back to the room I was watching in to discover the "trouble." Quincy's coat fell off the couch.
-I thought a sleeping guy on the bus was dead, because he wasn't waking up easily. My thought process was, "Why do I keep finding all the dead people? Now I have to explain this to Jack. He'll think I had something to do with it."
-Just after watching an episode in which a character is playing "Wonderwall" over and over, on the island, and in London's Underground, I went to the Subway. As soon as I walked in, there was a guy singing "Wonderwall." I realize it's a coincidence, because it's a very easy song to play. It still freaked me out a little.
-I've had LOST dreams every night since then. All but one time, I've been a survivor in another great episode. Except for two nights ago when I dreamed that I was watching the show. Re-read that sentence. Least proactive dream ever.
-Two things I've noticed about the show. 1) By now, almost all of the characters would have died of brain damage from all of the concussions they suffer. Most of the lead characters have been knocked out at least 10 times. The brain can't take that. 2) Whenever there is a disagreement, almost all of the characters underestimate the power of reason. They don't even bother presenting their arguments. Instead, they just knock the other person out. That will gain the other person's trust.
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 11:56 AM
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