He is going to procreate, and there is nothing we can do about it.
-I talked to a friend last night. He started the conversation by asking, "How gay is it to spend your Saturday at a pinata-making class?" I didn't even know how to answer that. My instant reaction was, on a scale of 1-10, I guess it's probably an eight, if 10 is an all-male orgy. But after thinking about it, it's more weird than gay. More than I think, "That's gay," I think, "He must be active on Craigslist." How do you find out about a pinata class? That's the baffling part. And slightly more shocking is the fact that there is a pinata-making teacher. Do you need a certification to teach a pinata class? I don't know. Where would you get such a license? Color me baffled. When you discover the class on Craigslist, do you immediately say, "I'm in!" Or is there a process that goes from, "Seriously?" to "No way!" to "What the hell is this?" to "I like candy," to "I really like candy," to "Candy is best when it falls from an animal-shaped container," to "Pinatas are so expensive in stores," to "It's about time I did something for myself for a change." After making fun of him for a couple minutes, he defended himself by saying, "The class was free, and I'm trying to save money." This is ridiculous because it implies that there's some kind of mandate stating that he has to learn how to make pinatas, and all the other classes are muy caro. You don't have to go to free classes to save money. That's my point. You can stay home. You can go to a park.
-I went to a bachelor party in the Outer Banks from Thursday until Sunday. I will soon have a long blog to write about this, as I have for every a few other bachelor parties. Before I can do that, I have to decide what I should and shouldn't write. In the meantime, here is a preview of a few things that my friend, John Luoma, the bachelor, said:
"This may be a stupid question, but where is Saddam Hussein now?"
Shocked silence set in the rental van. All six of us were absolutely stunned. We asked, "Are you serious?" a few times. He insisted that he was. Someone blurted out, "He's dead!"
John got defensive, and shot back, "I know. I know he's dead."
I said, "No you didn't."
Lundy asked, "How did he die?"
John, as if he had just written a paper on the subject, but somehow forgot when he asked the initial question, defensively replied, "He died of a heart attack. It was like three years ago. I don't know how I forgot."
Everyone was dying laughing. The only words that could be said were, "It wasn't a heart attack."
"Oh, not a heart attack. But it was natural causes. Liver failure or something," John corrected himself.
We then told him about the execution. He had no idea. After telling him that he clinched his place as our dumbest friend, he claimed that most people don't know that Saddam was executed. At this point, everyone called the stupidest person in their phone book, not to see if John is stupid, but to see if he's the stupidest person that any of us know. Most of us weren't able to get in touch with the person we considered to be the stupidest person in our phones, so we called other friends, girlfriends, and anyone whom John thought wouldn't know the news. We took the calls on speaker-phone. All but two people mocked him pretty heavily, and many were offended that he thought they wouldn't know.
The next day, we had a Polish server. John knew that she didn't know. We asked her. She made fun of him.
At this meal, someone brought up the importance of the peanut to the American economy. We are nerds. Everyone but John. Because of his Saddam blunder, we decided to ask him who came up with over 50 uses for the peanut (George Washington Carver), thus changing the country in many ways. He shot back, as if he was asked his own name, "J. Edgar Hoover." Laughter ensued.
In the final case of mistaken identity, we passed a store called "The Cotton Gin." I asked John who invented the cotton gin. The inventor was Eli Whitney. It's not something that everyone knows. But I thought that if he didn't know, he could just say that. However, he responded, "I'm not sure. I want to say Lee Harvey Oswald, but that can't be right." I like that he knew it wasn't right, but still wanted to throw it out there just in case.
With the Saddam Hussein mix-up, J. Edgar Hoover, and Lee Harvey Oswald, two things are certain. John does not watch the news. John recently watched "JFK".
-I'll write more about the bachelor party later in the week. Very funny stuff.
-I went to a bachelor party in the Outer Banks from Thursday until Sunday. I will soon have a long blog to write about this, as I have for every a few other bachelor parties. Before I can do that, I have to decide what I should and shouldn't write. In the meantime, here is a preview of a few things that my friend, John Luoma, the bachelor, said:
"This may be a stupid question, but where is Saddam Hussein now?"
Shocked silence set in the rental van. All six of us were absolutely stunned. We asked, "Are you serious?" a few times. He insisted that he was. Someone blurted out, "He's dead!"
John got defensive, and shot back, "I know. I know he's dead."
I said, "No you didn't."
Lundy asked, "How did he die?"
John, as if he had just written a paper on the subject, but somehow forgot when he asked the initial question, defensively replied, "He died of a heart attack. It was like three years ago. I don't know how I forgot."
Everyone was dying laughing. The only words that could be said were, "It wasn't a heart attack."
"Oh, not a heart attack. But it was natural causes. Liver failure or something," John corrected himself.
We then told him about the execution. He had no idea. After telling him that he clinched his place as our dumbest friend, he claimed that most people don't know that Saddam was executed. At this point, everyone called the stupidest person in their phone book, not to see if John is stupid, but to see if he's the stupidest person that any of us know. Most of us weren't able to get in touch with the person we considered to be the stupidest person in our phones, so we called other friends, girlfriends, and anyone whom John thought wouldn't know the news. We took the calls on speaker-phone. All but two people mocked him pretty heavily, and many were offended that he thought they wouldn't know.
The next day, we had a Polish server. John knew that she didn't know. We asked her. She made fun of him.
At this meal, someone brought up the importance of the peanut to the American economy. We are nerds. Everyone but John. Because of his Saddam blunder, we decided to ask him who came up with over 50 uses for the peanut (George Washington Carver), thus changing the country in many ways. He shot back, as if he was asked his own name, "J. Edgar Hoover." Laughter ensued.
In the final case of mistaken identity, we passed a store called "The Cotton Gin." I asked John who invented the cotton gin. The inventor was Eli Whitney. It's not something that everyone knows. But I thought that if he didn't know, he could just say that. However, he responded, "I'm not sure. I want to say Lee Harvey Oswald, but that can't be right." I like that he knew it wasn't right, but still wanted to throw it out there just in case.
With the Saddam Hussein mix-up, J. Edgar Hoover, and Lee Harvey Oswald, two things are certain. John does not watch the news. John recently watched "JFK".
-I'll write more about the bachelor party later in the week. Very funny stuff.
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 10:24 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home