Do not eat at this place.

Next time you're on vacation in Jersey City, do not eat Chinese food at the Chinese place on Central Avenue, between Bowers and South. Why? Because they're dicks. I'm involved in maybe 0-4 verbal altercations per year. They're usually with a soccer ref about a bad call. And they usually end after about 5 seconds with both of us deciding it doesn't matter. Yesterday's spat will not go away as easily. They are complete dicks. I can't stress that enough.

Backstory: I'm not opposed to cooking. But I hate going to the grocery store. Therefore, unless someone goes to the grocery store for me, I usually buy food from restaurants. Why not go to a grocery store instead of a restaurant? Because when I go to a restaurant, if I want a burger and fries, I tell them and they give it to me. If I go to a grocery store, I have to get 10 different things from 10 different locations. I hate it. Put it all together. Put the ground beef, cheese, ketchup, mustard and buns together. Why do I have to go to different sides of the grocery store to get milk and chocolate syrup. What else are people using chocolate syrup for? Put it with the milk.

I got sidetracked. That wasn't the backstory at all. The correct backstory: I have very few restaurant choices in my neighborhood, due to my neighborhood sucking. I used to live a two miles away in Hoboken and could find any type of food I could think of by walking for 5 minutes. Two miles away, in the same city atmosphere, my only options are two pizza places, Burger King, Blimpie, Subway, and a Chinese place run by complete dicks. I can't eat pizza every day. I try not to eat fast food. And I don't like Blimpie and Subway. About once per week, that leaves me with the only option of Chinese food, served by a dick.

Before last night, every time I've been there, they've charged me a different price for sesame chicken with brown rice. But whenever I told them it wasn't the price on the menu, they came up with different reasons for overcharging me. My favorites are: Fryer Surcharge and 50 cents credit card surcharge. The fryer surcharge was so ballsy that I had to respect it. It's like when McCain put out the "Obama wants to teach your children about sex before they can read" ad. So ballsy. Although it's not honest, you have to just think, "Whoa, balls. Respect. Kind of." 

Last night, Quincy and I went there. Quincy ordered Beef Chow Fun, "no sprouts." When he said this, the cashier gave him a look like she was offended and shot back, "Sprouts? No sprouts? Why you say 'no sprouts'?"

"Because I don't want sprouts."

With a look of utter disgust, she replied, "We don't put sprouts."

They do normally put sprouts in it. That's why he said it. He replied, "Okay. That's fine. As long as there are no sprouts."

"So why you say no sprouts then?"

"Just make it the way you make it."

"No sprouts... I don't know why you say that."

It was my turn. I ordered the same thing I order EVERY time, since I learned the first time that they put red peppers in sesame chicken.

"Sesame chicken, no peppers, and brown rice."

"No peppers?"

"Right."

"We don't use peppers."

"Okay."

"But we don't use peppers."

I can't let this go. "Well you did in the past, so that's why I ordered it like that."

"Maybe somewhere else. Maybe you eat somewhere else."

"No. It was here. Look, I just want sesame chicken and brown rice."

"But why you say 'no peppers'? Look at picture on menu. No peppers."

"Please just give me sesame chicken and brown rice."

"Look at picture. We don't put peppers."

Then Quincy ordered a Snapple. She didn't add anything up. Instead she just said, "$12." I didn't want to argue. I have no idea of how she came up with such a round number. It should have been just over $10. I didn't care though. I hated her so much, I just wanted to pay, get the food and leave.

A few minutes later, we got our food. I wanted to check my rice before leaving. Sure enough, they gave me white rice. When I was opening it, the cashier said, "What you look at your food for?"

"This is white rice. I ordered brown rice." I handed the white rice to her.

"You don't get brown rice."

"But I ordered brown rice."

"You can't have brown rice."

"I always get brown rice here."

"No. You want brown rice, you pay $1 more."

"No. I've never had to pay more. Look at the menu. It says I can get white or brown rice."

"I don't give to you if you don't give me $1."

"Are you serious?"

"$1."

"What is wrong with... never mind. Give me back my white rice. I'm never coming back here. You suck."

I admit that's a pretty pathetic closing statement. But I think she got the point that I hate her. Next time you're vacationing in Jersey City, don't go to this place.