Pathetic

Palin makes Bush look like Churchill. It seems like a bad movie. Here's the thing: Bush is smart. He is. He is a bad speaker who makes brash decisions. But he is smart. He has the intellectual capacity to be president, but lacks the judgment. He has degrees from Harvard and Yale. No matter who your father is, that's still a feat. But we make fun of Bush. People say he's dumb because he isn't as charismatic as Clinton, Reagan and JFK. But we know he isn't actually dumb like someone who listens to Creed is dumb.

With that said, in comparison to the below interview with Katie Couric, Palin makes Bush's, "Is our children learning?" look like Churchill and Lincoln. "Is our children learning?" is closer to Churchill's "Never have so few given so much for many," and Lincoln's, "It is to these honored dead that we give increased devotion to the cause for which they gave their last full measure of devotion," than it is to Palin's absolute drivel. It appears that she might be certifiably dumb. Not only does she know less about every issue than the people who are interviewing her, but she knows less than the average American.

It's now easy to see which parent her baby takes after. And don't get offended. I'm not insulting the baby. It's actually a compliment. When was the last time someone said a Down Syndrome baby could be Vice President?

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday who is a "Military Republican." He was saying that there is no way he can possibly vote for McCain. He said the only way he could do it is if one day before the election, McCain had a nationally televised physical at which the doctor said, "I guarantee that John McCain will live for at least four more years." That's what it would take. Although I'm not thrilled with the prospect of a McCain presidency, it would be a step in the right direction from where we are now. But if McCain so much as catches a cold, I'm applying for a work VISA for the UK seconds after the first sneeze. Before he can even pick up a tissue, my application will be filed.





There are now reports that CBS didn't air two interview questions because their responses were "too embarrassing." The McCain-Palin campaign has admitted that one of the questions was about Supreme Court nominations. Couric asked Palin to discuss any Supreme Court cases, other than Roe vs Wade, that were important to her. According to CBS News and the campaign, she gave a blank stare and said nothing.

Don't blink or think.

-Yesterday at the ol' temp job (4 weeks left), I had to oversee a murder mystery show. I'm serious. They pay me to do this.

Alright, now I can't say that it was a good or bad murder mystery show, because I have no basis for comparison. No one ever died on Scooby-Doo, and I've never seen Clue. I will just say that as far as entertainment goes... not so great. Most of the new hires, who were participating loved it though. I guess it was a good tool to get to know new people. Quincy (I got my roommate to come) and I were not so into it though. This was a joke from the show:

Man: Mr. X is sleeping with the fishes.
Man 2: He's in Miami?

That's what we were dealing with.

Everyone split into teams, and had to come up with team names. Quincy and I decided to remain spectators. They made everyone else play, but not us. In case they made us play, I had three team names on the ready. Choice 1: Thunder Hole. If they thought that was inappropriate, the back-up was Pussy Maniacs. If they didn't approve of that, choice three was Maniacal Pussy. Unfortunately, we never had a chance to announce our team name.

They did trivia games. The winners got clues to solve the murder. One trivia game was TV theme songs. Ten people, one from each team, stood in a line, like a firing squad. Except instead of holding guns in their hands, they held noisemakers in their mouths. The ones that you blow and the paper rolls out. These would be their buzzers. First person to get three themes wins. A guy from one of the teams got three straight. Not only did he know them, but he noisemade faster than everyone. We will call this guy Harold.

At the end of the show, there was a three-way tie, because three teams correctly guessed the murderer. The tie-break went to the first person to get two TV themes. That's how they do it in the real world too. I think. Harold represented his team again. He got the first one, which was The Nanny. Who the hell knows the theme from The Nanny? A loser, that's who. I forgot that show ever existed. The clincher was Third Rock From the Sun. He got that one too. When he realized he won, he yelled, "Yeah!!!" and pumped his fist in the air, like he just threw a touchdown in the Super Bowl. Then, and I swear this happened, he SPIKED the noise-maker. He was serious. He slammed it to the ground and yelled more. I like that he thought he was making new friends, but eliminated all potential friends in the process.

Advice: If you know the theme song from The Nanny, don't let people know that.
Advice Part II: Never spike a noise-maker. Ever.

-I did a college in PA last week. They took me to a restaurant prior to the show. Outside the front door, a mother was pointing and yelling at her 2-3-year-old daughter, "No one wants to hear you yell. Do you understand me?" Like, seriously yelling. Hypocrite alert. I would have paid $10,000 for the mother's mother to walk up, and yell the same to her.

- Palin repeatedly has said "You can't blink," in reference to everything. In reality, you probably should do a little more than blink. Maybe you should even think. After watching her latest interactions with the press, I believe she "didn't blink" when McCain asked her to be VP. I think she answered that question in the same way you or I would be at a bar and answer someone asking, "Do you have a lighter?" Or, "Hey, do you want to play soccer?"
"Sure, I'd love to play soccer." And then she shows up at the field, is wearing a dress and doesn't know any of the rules. Then we find out that she doesn't really want to play. But she's a good sport and just wanted to have fun. If you doubt me, watch the video below. I don't think she wants to be running for VP. Every clip I've seen from the Couric interview has been painful.

Watch CBS Videos Online

- My most-hated word for the past few months has been "maverick." Every time I hear it, my left ball aches a little. I don't know why. It just does. I don't know why they're using it. We don't want a maverick president. After the last eight years, the last thing we need is a president with a go-it-alone approach. That's also called arrogance. Now, I don't think McCain is like that. It's just a bad label that they're applying to themselves. Same goes for them attacking Democrats for being "elitists" for the past century. It's good to be elite. That means you're the best. Since when is it bad to be elite? It's like mocking someone for being smart. I know what they're trying to say though: arrogant. That's what they're trying to say. But arrogant and elite are even similar.

That's So Clayken

-Under the shroud of the current economic meltdown, Clay Aiken has announced that he's gay. Oh boy, was my gaydar off or what? For years, my friends have referenced Clayken as the benchmark for butt-wrangling. It's always, "I'm no Clayken, but I'm still pretty popular with women," or "That pimp thinks he's a Clayken. But he'll never be Clayken," or "I was snatching up butt like Clayken at a church luncheon."

Look at the guy. How is he gay? He's hugging Tyra Banks. She's a woman.

And look at this. Is there something gay about being stylish and suave?

I have a question. If he's gay, then what does that make me? And what about Ruben Studdard? Poor Ruben Studdard.

I just can't believe that Clayken is actually gay. He must be faking it in order to take advantage of all of the civil liberties that are only allowed for gay people, such as not being allowed to get married, not being able to openly serve in the military, and being called a "faggot" by Ann Coulter. 

If he's gay, then how did he just have a baby with a woman? Huh? Riddle me that. He had a baby with a woman. Sure they didn't have sex. He was probably tired. Or stressed out from work. But it was HIS sperm. His sperm. In a vagina. Come on, what's more straight that? I don't even do that. That must make me super-gay. Hey Clayken, want a condom? "Nope. Condoms are for fags. I'm putting my sperm in a vagina. Yipee!" Whoa Clayken, you aren't gay. You can't use that word. Wait, now you are gay? Then what's with the sperm in the woman, the badass poses, and most of all... the turtlenecks?

Okay, no more sarcasm. I'm trying to think of where this ranks in the list of people who came out of the closet publicly even though the public didn't realize the closet existed. There was another recent outing whom I can't remember. If you can think of it, leave it in the comments.  As of now, the rankings are:

1. The Village People - One of the funniest things ever in the universe is the fact that they were in the closet for years, and people just thought they were cool. Nope. Maybe they were cool. But that's not why they dressed the way they did and had sex with other men. They started a new genre of cool: Gay-Cool. I don't even know what I'm talking about now.

2. Elton John - He used to perform in white suits or covered in glitter, depending on the moon. He also wore star-shaped glasses. Huge gayface. People had no idea he was gay until he told them.  This explains why so many people think President Bush was behind 9/11 and we faked the moon landing.

3. One of my brothers - One Christmas, my niece came over to my mom's house. She and my brother were wearing the same boots. He still wasn't out of the closet. He also wore women's clothes for about a year before coming out. He is now in a gay dance troupe (aren't all dance troupes gay?) called Crayola.

4. Boy George - Come on.

5. Clayken - See above.

6. Lance Bass - I really can't believe anyone was surprised by this or the guy from New Kids on the Block. Never be surprised if a member of a boy band ends up being gay. Always assume they are.

-I was just sent a casting notice for someone who can "roller-blade while holding a casket." I would submit for it, but you have to own roller-blades. Here's the thing: How do you find out if you can roller-blade while holding a casket? When has that funeral ever happened, unless there was a funeral on Pacific Blue?

Obama wants our taxes!

A McCain attack ad made by Quincy and I.

This is not good.

Palin's foreign policy experience is being Russia's ("formerly the Soviet Union," as she pointed out) neighbor.
McCain has recently referred to Putin as the President of Russia. He hasn't been for some time now. He confuses Sunni and Shi'a regularly. That's a big no-no. That's like getting the north and south mixed up in our civil war. And he spoke of Czeckoslovakia, a country which hasn't existed in over a decade. His latest slip was in regards to Spain. I thought the media was blowing it out of proportion. He has to know they are a close ally. He has to know who their prime minister is. He's running for president. But here he is in an interview, talking about Prime Minister Zapatero as if he's never heard of him, and as if he's Chavez. The interviewer does mistakenly refer to Zapatero as the president, but I don't think that's what threw him off. There's no excuse for this. The 2004 Spanish election was huge because Zapatero ran on the promise of withdrawing from Iraq, against Aznar, who was committed to staying. It was the peak of international backlash against the war. Anyone in or running for office has to know this.

Kosher

-Kosher cake is awesome. Never pass up an opportunity to eat some.

-Worst campaign music choices:
Obama/Democrats: That country song that now plays at the end of every Obama appearance. It's terrible. I'm guessing the first time Obama heard it, his reaction was, "What the fuck is this? Make it stop." Then he was told that it has to play because it reminds racist people that his mother is white and he knows other white people. And it contains a line about a kid growing up to be president. You used to be a kid. Now you may be president. It's a sign.
The other bad song from the Democrats was John Edwards being introduced to John Cougar Melloncamp's "Small Town" at every event in 2004 and 2008. He was in a rough position though because Melloncamp was a vocal supporter and has a song about growing up in a "Small Town." It's like someone giving you a ride to work every day. Then you mention that you need to buy some new shirts. They tell you that they're a fashion designer on the side and offer you some shirts. The shirts are horrible, but you need that ride to work. It's just like that. I'm sure you can relate.
McCain/Republicans: Giuliani used "Born in the USA" during the primaries. It's about a Vietnam vet being mistreated when he returns home. Oops.
Cindy McCain was introduced at the convention to Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'." I'm on record stating that this is one of the worst songs to ever be popular. But I accept that people like it. Same goes for mushrooms. The problem wasn't that this was her intro music, it was that they played the entire song, while cutting to hundreds of senior citizens in the crowd who looked confused or like they were having a heart attack. Once the song was over, she walked out. Longest intro ever. During the whole song, I was looking all over the arena, thinking she was going to do a surprise WWF entrance, like Mankind being under the ring, Sting and Owen Hart (except that one time) coming out of the rafters, or she could have come through the crowd like the 1-2-3 Kid. If she came down from the rafters or rolled out from under the stage, with brass-knuckles on, McCain would have my unconditional vote.
The most awkward convention music possible, short of Me So Horny and Darling Nicky, goes to the Republicans for playing "Shook Me All Night Long." Think about what that had to do to the comfort level. I don't know if you noticed the demographics at this convention, but it was 70% old white people, 29% young white people that I would never hang out with, and five black guys who I'm convinced were performing an experiment. Picture that group of people listening to these lyrics:

She wanted no applause
Just another course
Made a meal out of me and came back for more
Had to cool me down
To take another round
Now I'm back in the ring to take another swing

It's a song about marathon sex. I don't even feel comfortable listening to it with my girlfriend. I don't know how the senior citizens and the pink sweater and pearls combo lasted. I'm sure a lot of prayer was involved.

By the way, Sarah Palin's theme song should be Ace of Base's "All That She Wants." Although it's about a girl being a slut, trying to get pregnant and run off on her own, it contains the line, "I've made up my mind. I'm keeping my baby." That would rile up the base. "Aww, she's keeping the baby! That's so admirable to not get an abortion for the sole reason that he's retarded. Let's make her president!"

Ricky Gervais is a genius.

Watch Erin Jackson on Ellen

My friend Erin will be on Ellen on Tuesday, today or tomorrow or yesterday or a few days ago, depending on when you're reading this. 9/16. Check your local listings.

Crazy

-What's the average age at which people stop playing drinking games? I'm always guessing it's right around the corner, and I'm always wrong. I've never played a drinking game in my life, except for card games and quarters(into an empty cup - beer in different cup), because I don't understand the point. It's people who want to get drunk who play. But the loser of the game has to drink. The reward system is backwards. Where's the logic? If you want to get drunk, shouldn't the winners be rewarded with more drinks? This was a system devised by losers. Smart losers. If you're good at the game, you stay sober.

The games are either boring or nasty. Beer-Pong makes me question people every time I see it played. One of my friends has an official Beer-Pong table. It was made for Beer-Pong. Not a kitchen table that occasionally hosts the game. People gather around it. Dozens... and here's the thing. I'm so competitive that I annoy myself, but I can't play this game. I can't even guest toss for anyone, because I don't want to contribute to the bad idea. It's disgusting. The balls hit the pavement, dirt, grass, kitchen floor where 30 people have been working. Then they pick up the ball, rinse it off in a cup of water that rinsed the ball off after every other errant throw, and still contains all of the bacteria from the previous rinses. Then they throw the ball into a cup of beer and drink it. That is fucking disgusting. I want to know where I can buy a Petri dish, so I can check the bacteria on the ball. And conducting a science experiment at a party will surely enhance my image as a party animal.

I'm going to start writing monthly letters to the surgeon general, urging him to condemn this game. I'm sure we'll see some movement from the government on this. "Surgeon General's Warning: Beer-Pong increases the magnitude of beer-shits fivefold. Just drink the beer."

Flip-Cup is the other 'tardo game. I just don't understand this game. It's like that Howie Mandel game show with the boxes or briefcases. I've seen it plenty of times, and still have no idea of what's going on. You drink beer, then flip a cup. Why?

-I went out to dinner with some friends on Friday to celebrate a friend's birthday. I was sitting with Quincy, my friend Matt, and his girlfriend, Sarah, who is also my friend. It was there that my life changed. I don't remember how it came up. Wait, now I do, but I'm not going to tell you why. I'm also not going to delete the previous three sentences. Hamburger.

Alright. I was convinced, and had been for about 7 years that every girl I dated for about 2 years was crazy. My friends always said that I'm "picky." I thought yeah, I'm picky in that I don't like shitty people. So, I started telling a story about one of the crazies. Here's the reason: my roommate is talking to a Persian girl. He mentioned that I briefly dated a Persian girl in college, but I broke it off because she was annoying. I had forgotten the exact reason though. Quincy started laughing really hard and asked if I remember why I stopped talking to her. Then he said, "You stopped talking to her because she said 'That's crazy!' too much." I defended the decision with the argument that she said it about things that aren't by any means crazy. It's warm outside. "That's crazy." No it isn't. It's the summer. I'm thirsty. "That's crazy." No it's not. I'm an animal. That was it. I actually cut the date off halfway into it because I couldn't take it. She said that things were crazy at least once per 2-3 minutes. Matt and Sarah found this funny. We all agreed that this girl was crazy.

I then said that every girl I had anything to do with for a couple years was like this. Quincy started laughing again. He said, "Fantastic." I had forgotten about that. I was talking to a girl at a party, and she said "Fantastic" in a way that was just, it was horrible. Like "Fan-taaaastic!" So I told her I had to go to the bathroom. Instead of going to the bathroom, I left the party. She was clearly a psychopath.

Wow, this wasn't even part of the Friday conversation, but I just remembered it. At a college party, around the same time, a girl wanted me to dance with her. I don't dance. Not now. Not ever. I stopped talking to her because she was too forceful in trying to get me to dance with her. In other words, she was a lunatic.

Back to the actual list. I mentioned a girl, whom I met at my gym. We had a brief conversation in the gym. When I left, I found a note on my windshield that she had left. This creeped me out a little. How did she know which car was mine? I'm still slightly creeped out. But I ran into her the next night. We talked for a little while, swapped numbers and were supposed to hang out that weekend. It never happened, because she called me the next day and told me a story about absolutely nothing for 45 minutes. Finally, I had to tell her that I was at Outback, my table was ready, and I would call her right back. I didn't call back and changed my gym schedule. The girl was insane. I wouldn't be surprised if she ate boogers in kindergarten.

Then there was the girl whose name I forgot but was way too interested in something. I don't remember what it was, but it was off-putting. So, I started making up stories about being a porn addict to completely derail everything. I had no choice, she was a basket-case.

Once I told that story, Sarah cut me off and as if she had just solved a riddle, said, "Wait, I think the problem is you." I laughed for about one second, until my face straightened up and I had no choice but to agree. "Shit. You're right. Oh my god. For years, I thought all of these girls were crazy..."

She cut me off, "But it was you. You cut people off after they annoyed you once. It's all little stuff too. But one strike. That's tough."

"Fuck." My world was crumbling. It was all 100% my fault. I was the crazy one. I just realized that me leaving after going to a football game, and before dinner because a girl called too many things "crazy" is my fault. Fuck. Maybe she wasn't crazy.

Sarah asked if these all happened in relatively the same time period. "No," I said. "One was in November. Another was December through February. Another was October... Shit. Yes."

Then I set out to defend my record, somewhat successfully, and somewhat more damningly.
I said, well some girls broke things off with me, and although they didn't specifically cite this, it was because they thought I was weird. And they were always the really hot ones. One used to date the lead singer of a popular band, and soon after we broke up, she became a stripper. And the girls who thought I was weird were all kind of dumb. And I gave them a break on that, because they were really... Shit. That's even worse. Fuck. Now I'm crazy and superficial. And that was the way I described them.

The only case which was a proper defense of my record was, and don't judge me for this, a girl whom I "dated" for two and half months during my senior year of college. I say "dated" because I never once saw her during daylight hours, or outside of her house, and I never knew her last name. I "broke up" with her because she was an avid reader. But she only read J.D. Salinger, over and over. Every novel, on a loop. In three months, she read Franny and Zooey twice. That's fucking crazy. You can read nothing but Hemingway, Joyce, Fitzgerald, Shakespeare, countless others. But if you strictly read Salinger, you are unbalanced. But she looked like Joaquin Phoenix's sister in Gladiator, so I let it slide.

Later, I saw a stack of boxes in her closet. I asked why she kept her shoes in boxes. She said they aren't shoes, but costume wigs. No more than five minutes later, a girl I had never seen came to her room, knocked, and without prompting asked, "Is this your boyfriend?" You can't really use that word for someone who doesn't know your last name. So, I broke things off a few minutes later. Not because of the b-word, but because of the Salinger-Wig-b-word combo.

Everyone agreed that was deserved.

She was still cool, overall (aside from what I mentioned above). It was February 13th, and I didn't want to leave things on bad terms. The next night, Valentine's Day, I came by with flowers (friendship flowers) and Godiva truffles. I walked to her bedroom door. Her male roommate (she lived in a big house with 6 people) said she was in her room with one of her friends (female), drinking vodka, and "doing their wig thing." I listened through the door for a second to see what this "wig thing" could be. It's what you're guessing. There will soon be a Constitutional Amendment proposed to ban Wig Things. Now, if you're a woman reading this, you're thinking, "Good thing you broke up with her. She's a hussy." And if you're a guy, you're thinking, "You're a fucking moron. You better have knocked on the door." Hindsight tells me I should have knocked on the door, because I'm not gay. But if you could only imagine the sensory overload that goes into that situation, you would understand why I shuffled back to my car, and sat in silence for about 48 hours. No one can accept that situation if they don't even remotely see it coming. You just can't do anything about it. It's like if someone surprised you with a million dollars and gave you 10 seconds to spend it. After about 48 hours, I received a call from her, asking me to come over and "Talk things over." I told her I couldn't go, and promptly deleted her number. Detracting more from my straight-case is the fact that when she called, I was eating ice-cream with my mom. In retrospect, this was a dumb, principled thing to do. Very dumb. Extremely dumb. Just stupid. I'm an idiot.

It was at this point in telling the story that I regained the respect of Sarah and lost the respect of Quincy and Matt, and I'm guessing everyone who will read this, especially guys and women who have penises.

My friend John ran into her about a year later. He called me at the end of the night to tell me I wouldn't believe who he just ran into. He told me and said, "She's really hot." I know she's hot. "She told me to tell you to call her." Fuck yes. Because after a year, you forget about wigs and J.D. Salinger. And it takes roughly three months for those things to push you to your threshold of acceptible craziness anyway. Hell yes I'll call her. What's her number? "What?" I'll call her. What's her number? "I didn't get her number?" What do you mean you didn't get her number? "She tried to give it to me, but I figured you already had it." You idiot. What's her last name? "I don't know. I think it starts with a T or an L. I think it's Italian. She was your girlfriend. You don't know her last name?"

And that's it. I discovered that I used to be crazy.

Answers

In case you're skeptical of the claims that McCain's ads have been full of lies, here is video evidence.



Also, Andrew Sullivan writes about McCain's integrity.

New Video

Quincy and I just made an ad that is the logical progression for the McCain campaign.

20 Questions

The press has been forbidden from talking to Sarah Palin for the first 13 days of her candidacy, a sure sign that she's qualified. She's doing her first interview tonight on ABC, with Charlie Gibson. Gibson was the moderator of a Democratic debate this year in which he spent the first 48 minutes talking about faux-scandals, such as Jeremiah Wright. The candidates were confused as to why there was zero substance. He actually got booed in the end. A debate moderator got booed. That's bad.
I've been wondering what kind of questions he'll ask. I doubt he'll ask any of the ones I'm listing below, but he should. It's a list compiled by Foreign Policy Magazine.

1. In a broad and long-term sense, would you have responded differently to the attacks of 9/11?
2. Is Iraq a democracy?
3. What’s the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite?
4. What is your preferred plan for peace between Israel and Palestine? A two state solution? What about Jerusalem?
5. How do you feel about French President Nicolas Sarkozy's recent visit to Syria? Do you believe the United States should negotiate with leaders like President Bashar al-Assad?
6. Nearly 40 percent of the world's population lives in China and India. Who are those countries' leaders?
7. Do you support the U.S.-India Civil Nuclear Agreement, which would lift restrictions on sales of nuclear technology and fuel to India, a country which hasn’t signed the Non-Proliferation Treaty?
8. Other than more drilling, what steps do you suggest the U.S. take in order to move toward energy independence? Do you believe more investment is needed in alternative energy research? If so, how would you recommend this funding be allocated?
9. How would you balance concerns over human rights and freedom in China with the United States' growing economic interdependence with that country?
10. What's more important: securing Russia's cooperation on nuclear proliferation and Iran, or supporting Georgia's NATO bid? If Vladimir Putin called you on the phone and said, "It's one or the other," what would you tell him?
11. Critique the foreign policy of the last administration. Name its single greatest success, and its most critical failure.
12. What do you think will be the most defining foreign-policy issue in the next five years?
13. What role should the United States play in the global effort to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS? Should it support contraception, or abstinence only?
14. You've said that the federal government spends too much money. What, in your view, is the appropriate level of spending as a percentage of GDP?
15. You're an advocate of reducing environmental restrictions on drilling. How much oil needs to be found in the United States before the country achieves energy independence?
16. What are your picks for the three most enlightening books written on foreign policy in the last five years?
17. Who among the world's leaders can be listed as the top three friends of the United States and why?
18. In your opinion, which U.S. president was the most successful world leader and why?
19. Which U.S. political thinkers, writers, and politicians would you enlist to advise you on matters of foreign policy and why?
20. Who is the first world leader you'd like to meet with and why?

Lipstick...

People are trying to say Obama called Palin a pig. Get real. It's a common expression, one that McCain used to describe Hillary Clinton's health care plan last year. Read this for an account of the events and responses.

These guys are hilarious.

Those silly Russians...

A group in Russia wants to ban South Park. And they may be in a country where it could happen. Here's the funny part. The objectionable content is Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo, a talking and singing piece of poop that spreads holiday cheer. "In Russia, poopy no talk."

-There's a story on CNN now that says 88% of DC's 8th-graders are illiterate. Hamburger.

-Hypocrite alert. The same campaign that is accusing people of being sexist in response to comments that aren't remotely sexist, has passed out signs at campaign events that say "Hottest mayor from the coldest state." Maybe they don't know what "sexist" means.

And they're claiming that living near Russia is foreign policy experience. In that case, everyone who lives near a border is a foreign policy expert. Also, having a layover in Dublin somehow counts. I've been to 14 countries. I must be a foreign policy genius.

Let's see if Fox News covers this.

Remember how Jeremiah Wright consumed every ounce of their programming for about a month? Let's see if Palin's minister will get the same coverage. Considering Hagee only got a brief mention in the new, I doubt it will happen.

Good for him.

Although there were parts of the speech that were false (such as his claims on tax policies), for the most part McCain returned to his Senatorial self that we saw until about 18 months ago. Before the presidential ambition set in, he was an honest pragmatist. One who acknowledged differences with others, but didn't denigrate them for their differences. Ambition has blinded him, and regardless of the outcome of the election, hopefully he'll return to his former self in Novemeber. If Obama wins, McCain will be a good partner in the Senate.

I noticed that the crowd was half-asleep for his and Bill Frist's speeches. Everyone was talking while Frist was speaking of the importance of giving medical aid to the poor in developing countries - the first positive message of the week. During the speech, they cut to Henry Kissinger, who appeared to be massaging a man's forearm (After reading Hitchens' The Trial of Henry Kissinger, I like to think that punishment for his war crimes is to give a forearm massage to a strange man each day). The entire crowd was genuinly disinterested in hearing about humanitarian causes. They wanted the political blood that Palin and Giuliani provided. I know conventions are silly circle-jerks, but this disinterest revealed the path of the Republican party. It's sad, because I know McCain is a humanitarian, just as Frist and most people in Congress are. They're probably more bothered by this than I am. But their base has been taken over by a bunch of whakos. 

When are rogue protesters who show up at speeches yelling like buffoons going to realize that they're hurting their cause infinitely more than they're helping? They end up looking like the starfuckers who run onto a football field during a game.

Last political thing... 

There are a lot of valid points to be made against Sarah Palin. I'm not even going to start with them. Just read the news. They'll be coming out one-by-one. When lefty bloggers stretch the truth and slander, it diminishes the effect of the truth. Asking if her baby is really hers will dampen the effect of a couple valid criticisms. Now it's known - there is email documentation, and public account - of her asking if she can ban certain books 3x, while mayor of Wasilla. And we know she fired the librarian who refused to do so, only to re-hire her after a wave of public outrage. That's enough. That's the story. Can't get any worse in terms of free-speech, free-thought and education. However, now there's an email going around, and many extreme left blogs are citing a list of books that she wants to ban. Problem is, there's no way the list is accurate. The bloggers couldn't be satisfied without a list though. It's pretty much a list of everyone's favorite books, including many that couldn't be deemed offensive by anyone. There are the usual book-burner favorites, like The Catcher in the Rye, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (Maya Angelou's memoir that is actually banned in many school systems. It's a great book, and I'm glad it was suggested reading for my ninth grade English class.), A Clockwork Orange, Lord of the Flies... you get the picture.  But most of the list set off a red flag: A Wrinkle in Time, Brave New World, a few Harry Potter books that were written after the supposed request, As I Lay Dying, To Kill a Mockingbird, Leaves of Grass, One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich, Twelfth Night, and most-ridiculously, A Bridge to Teribithia. 

There's no need for slander or libel. Let facts speak for themselves. And for those who slander and distort, let truth be their ruin. In other words, people like this will destroy themselves. You don't have to help them.

Fox strikes again

Unbelievable. Obama is on O'Reilly tonight. I wonder if he addresses these.

Yes, it is a coincidence.



They must be getting well into double-digits when it comes to calling a presidential candidate "Bin Laden." Two points for when Lizz Trotta suggested we "kill both of them," referring to Obama and Bin Laden.

Clarifying another lie...

Also in last night's speech was the claim that Obama has written two memoirs, yet hasn't passed one peice of "major" legislation. It's an outright lie on two accounts. He's written one memoir. And he has authored or sponsored over 1300 bills in the Illinois State Senate and the US Senate. 

For any doubters, here's a list and description of some of the major bills.

Is family on or off-limits?

I say it's off, unless there's something so obsene it can't be ignored. But you can't have it both ways, which is what McCain/Palin are trying to do. You can't say that your family is off-limits, then use the first 13 minutes of your speech to speak exclusively about your family in a way that Quincy described as "sounding like she's introducing herself to a 5th grade class." Then the baby... They passed the baby to six different people during the speech, clearly to draw attention to it. It was so obvious that they're using their baby. Maybe their arms got tired after 5 minutes? Okay, bullshit, but okay. Why was a baby in the audience at a political convention in the first place? He's four months old. Then the mention of him in the speech, not only as her baby, but as her "special needs child," should be offensive to any family in the same situation. You don't talk about them as if they are different. My family has three "special needs" members, and we are all bothered by this. Then when she claimed that Republicans will look out for special needs kids (implying Democrats wouldn't), I thought there's no way the country is going to buy this. We'll see.

And another mention of family found it's way into speech later. Family is off-limits? Then why this: "They loved their country in good times and bad, and they are always proud of America," Palin said an obvious dig at Michelle Obama, during her remarks about her small-town roots (courtesy of Chicago Sun Times). So, you can't attack one family by taking something out of context, but you can attack the other. My favorite blogger, Andrew Sullivan (who is conservative), has been the most critical of this. The mainstream media seems to have ignored this hypocrisy.

The Republican convention had an opportunity to show people why they should support them. Instead, they've only made a slanderous case for why you shouldn't like their opponents. I think this is going to be the first time in a while that this strategy will not work.

Why the change of heart?

Do they think we're stupid?

McCain and Palin did their first joint interview with People Magazine. A tabloid. I'm sorry, but that's unacceptable. If you want to lead the country, you talk to serious journalists and do tough interviews. If you've already spoken to the serious journalists on all the relavent issues, then you can talk to People about your sleep habits. McCain withdrew from Larry King because Campbell Brown asked his spokesman for a specific example of Palin making a foreign policy decision. He lied and said she was involved in National Guard troop deployments in Iraq. Not true. Governors don't do that. They have nothing to do with national security. After the fact, they said it was an unfair question.

Here's why I'm really annoyed. They're still attacking Obama on experience. Obama and Palin have the same amount of time in office - 12 years. The differences is small-town city council for four years, where she was mayor for six years and small state governor for 20 months, versus state assembly in a large state for eight years, and four years in the US Senate (and a seat on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee), representing a large state. It's the same amount of time. Experience is off the table. Ideas matter. But here's the thing: the McCain - Palin campaign is claiming that she has 16 years of elected office under her belt. Four of those are as a member of the PTA. Are they fucking serious?

Read it here.

It's possible that Philip Gourevitch's "We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families," an account of the Rwandan genocide, is my favorite book. He's written an article for the New Yorker called "Palin on Obama." She made some comments about him very recently. It can be read here.

*Note: Obama and Biden did an interview with People as well. The difference is they haven't ducked other media.

I am officially offended.

I'm watching the Republican Convention. There was a video montage of influential American figures.

The following received thunderous applause: Barbara Bush, George H.W. Bush, George Bush, Ronald Reagan x 2.

The following were met with absolute silence: Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King Jr, Thomas Jefferson, Teddy Roosevelt and Rosa Parks.

It's not like they just weren't applauding during the Lincoln, King, Jefferson, Parks part of the video because they weren't paying attention. The audience stopped applauding when these images appeared. I don't know what I would do if I were in a room where Barbara Bush was more popular than Lincoln and King. I realize this isn't the majority Republican opinion. Maybe they should have filled in the empty 2/3 of the arena with mainstream Republicans.

How is this sexist?

This is from CNN.
This is the McCain campaign's response:

“Because of Hillary Clinton's historic run for the Presidency and the treatment she received, American women are more highly tuned than ever to recognize and decry sexism in all its forms. They will not tolerate sexist treatment of Governor Palin.”

This is what they were responding to.

“Well, my understanding is that Governor Palin's town of Wasilla has I think 50 employees,” he said. “We've got 2,500 in this campaign. I think their budget is maybe $12 million a year. You know, we have a budget of about three times that just for the month. So I think that our ability to manage large systems and to execute I think has been made clear over the last couple of years.”

Very sexist. This is incredible. 2+2=5.

Clarification

The best jokes are the ones that have to be explained to people while they say, "Okay, I think I get it. I guess that's funny." Pick and Roll is a reference to John Stockton and Karl Malone.

Let's get ready to... Vote.

Nothing political here. I'm only following up on the nicknames for the candidates. A collaboration between myself, and my friends Al and Quincy, has yielded pretty good WWF names for the candidates.
Last week, we unveiled Obama as Black Gold, and McCain as Dusty Roberts aka Mr. Cheeks. Now we have similarly fitting names for Senator Biden and Governor Palin.
Biden first.

Because Joe Biden and his wife, Jill, look like they would be featured on an episode of Real Sex, as a suburban couple who is into things that you wouldn't expect them to be into, his name is The B-Spot aka Chaps. His wife would go by Lady Jill.


Onto Governor Palin...

Because she was the mayor of a town that's smaller than my freshman dorms were, she only met McCain once before being asked to be his running mate, and because she's rather MILFy, her name will be Casual Encounters. No more of this "Sarah Palin" garbage. She is now Casual Encounters.

And finally, we gave them team names as well. America, world, get ready for this November's match-up of:


MISSED CONNECTIONS





PICK and ROLL

Um, really?

-I'm annoyed that people keep talking about Governor Palin's daughter's pregnancy. Give the girl some privacy. The media is out of control. Last night, on the NYC Fox affiliate, they showed Obama stating that families are off-limits, and that the media should not involve them. Then the anchor immediately said, "Okay, now let's see what people are saying about the pregnacy." Then they cut to people on the streets of Hoboken. I thought this issue would hurt her in an unfair way. The people they talked to said they'll vote for McCain because of this. One because she got pregnant when she was young. Another because it reminded her of Britney Spears' sister. And the other - I swear I'm not making this up - because Juno was a good movie. What the eff?

-Another thing about Palin. While she's not even remotely qualified, it has nothing to do with her family. I feel bad about people talking about her baby. On the hard-left, there are people saying it's really her daughter's child. So what if it is? It doesn't matter. That's like "accusing" someone of adoption. On the other hand, the hard-right has been saying it shows how great of a person she is for not having an abortion. Really? You're not supposed to have an abortion because you've found out that your child will be retarded. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that someone who does that is a bad person. That's like saying someone is a great person because they fed someone who was starving. You're supposed to feed people who are starving.

"Before, they were excited about her, with the Downs syndrome baby. But now with this, they are over the moon. It reinforces the fact that this family lives its pro-life values."
-Grover Norquist

-Al and I, with Al's lead, have been talking about Palin since February. I wrote a blog about her back then, when I was in Alaska. Once she was announced he sent me an email that said nothing but, "The cougar has come down from the mountain."

-Tony Graczyk/Larry Poon had a great joke. He asked how we can trust her judgment when she named a child with Downs' Syndrome Trig Van Palin (a nod to Van Halen)? He said the kid's life will already be tough enough. Name him Steven or something.

-From Andrew Sullivan:

Palin On The Pledge

01 Sep 2008 06:16 pm

From an Eagle Forum Candidate Questionnaire:

Q: Are you offended by the phrase "Under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance? Why or why not?

PALIN: Not on your life. If it was good enough for the founding fathers, its good enough for me and I’ll fight in defense of our Pledge of Allegiance.

The phrase was added in 1954.

That may not be common knowledge, but I knew it. A fundamental rule for voting is that the person I'm voting for must know much more than me about politics and American history. Usually, that's not a tall order for a politician. Every story thus far indicates that she's in the dark on practically everything except Jesus.

Her own mother-in-law isn't even supportive. She said "I'm not sure what she brings to the ticket other than she's a woman and a conservative. Well, she's a better speaker than McCain..."

-With the number of skeletons in her closet, and her scheduled debate with Joe Biden, I wouldn't be surprised if she is withdrawn. This whole thing is absolutely crazy.