Is she dumb or misrepresented?

Well, Palin seems to think that the media is puts the First Ammendment at risk. So, dumb or misrepresented?

A list of humors

- I heard a song called, "Dropkick Me, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life." That's low expectations. If you've got Jesus on your side, why are you going for the field goal? Go for six, loser. I don't care if it's 4th and long. It's Jesus. First, he's probably going to get you an extra five yards with a hard snap count. Then you've got 4th and 9 from the 20. Nobody throws a fade route better than Jesus. Get to your spot and get your hands ready. Field goal? Come on.

-I saw a guy on the PATH train having business conversations at around midnight. There are a few flaws with that sentence. Business at midnight? Calls, not a call? And talking on the phone on the train? You know what this means? He was faking conversations to look important. It was hilarious. During a 10-minute ride, he took about 10 phone calls. Examples...

"Yes, this is me. Are you in the office? Good. Stay there. I'll see you tomorrow."

"You have the documents? Great. You'll have to leave them with my secretary."

"Okay, well I don't think we have a choice. Sell! Sell! Sell!"

Quincy and I gave about three seconds of thought to the question of whether it was funny or sad. We went with funny.

-Yesteray was my last day of working at a day job. High-five, America! Over the past week, they were advertising an upcoming fire drill. I didn't know that such events required or benefited from advertising. Apparently they do. There were huge signs everywhere that said, "Fire! Practice! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?"

What happens next is everyone goes back inside and thinks, "I'm an adult. Tell me where the stairs are and I'll go outside if there's a fire." I'm going to go ahead and say that the fire drill may be more pointless than the post-9/11 airport security. There's no common sense involved in either. You know how when you turn about 10, you stop eating apple sauce? I think that when people graduate from apple sauce, they should also graduate from fire drills. It's like a double-major for elementary school.

-I drove by a town called Gaylordsville. Was there ever a time in which that wasn't a funny name? 

-Poland Spring has a new water bottle called "AquaPOD." But I think they need a new font, because it actually takes a couple seconds to realize the bottle doesn't say "AquaPOO." AquaPOO is not appetizing.

Durrty

Five more days and I can stop writing about politics in my blog. I can't wait. I have a lot of other stuff to write about, but can't focus due to the fact that every time I start writing something else, I go to PoliticalWire or an Atlantic blog and see that 23% of Texans think Obama is Muslim, and 64% of people who go to Palin rallies think that Muslim, Arab and Terrorist are synonyms.

There's a new ad for a Minnesota house race (3rd District) that is so offensive, it's almost funny in its absurdity. The race is between Erik Paulson (R) and Ashwin Madia (D). Madia is the son of Indian immigrants, therefore his skin is the same color as relatively all Indians. In the ad, they portray his ideas as menacing, and to further illustrate the point, they darkened his skin to make him look black, in a district where less than 4% of the population is black. It's obvious race-baiting, trying to play to people's fear. However, Minnesotans are too smart, and too open-minded to fall for this crap. It's a dumb, desperate ad, made by dumb, desperate people.

The pictures are here on HuffingtonPost.

Some people aren't built for karate

Monster-Truck Jesus

I'm not going to go into the ignorance of this video. I'm posting it because the narrator talks about Jesus like he's a monster-truck rally. It's pretty funny. Every time the guy says "Jesus," pretend he's saying, "Grave Digger." And if he mentions the bible, pretend he's talking about the Charlotte Civic Colosseum.

President: The Musical

Palin has gone from Joe the Plumber, to _____ (don't remember the second one), to Tito the Builder, and now.... Joe the Chocolate Maker and Edmond the Sandwich Artist. I'm not making this up. My roommate and I decided that McCain/Palin plan on their administration being a musical, and they're introducing us to the cast.

Also...

Overheard in office

I've heard people say, "If ______ wins the election, I'm moving to Canada/England." I have a new one. I heard someone say, "If Palin becomes president, I'm gonna become a terrorist." I don't know what logic led him to that, but I would like to see it in a flow-chart.

Assassination Plot Thwarted

The ATF has broken up an assassination attempt already. Certain people need to put an end to the slander that gives these nuts more confidence to attempt this.

McCain endorsing Obama's tax plan in 2000.

For Serious?

Today in New Hampshire, Sarah Palin called herself a redneck.

From Yahoo! News:

Palin was exuberant before the crowd, demanding an autograph from warm-up singer Gretchen Wilson, famed for her song, "Redneck Woman."
Palin joked: "Someone called me a `redneck woman' once. You know what I said back? `Thank-you very much.'"

True

Congressman Robin Hayes of NC: Sarah Palin will "get her done." Not only that, but she already, "got her did." He said that. Also he said "liberals hate real Americans who work and achieve..."

OM-effing-G

Palin is running for VP and STILL doesn't know what the job entails. Look at this:

Q: Brandon Garcia wants to know, “What does the Vice President do?”

PALIN: That’s something that Piper would ask me! … [T]hey’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.


This is incredible. She thinks the VP runs the Senate and legislates.

Insanity

I don't know how someone can be so dim, and defend their prejudice by citing Jesus. I really can't understand how someone can be this dumb. Did they not have schools or books in her town?

Desperation

This is one of the most desperate ads you'll ever see. 

The drivers' licenses for illegal immigrants issue: Illegal immigrants are in the country and will drive whether they have a license or not. They have to get to work somehow. They have families to feed, just like everyone else. It's logical to allow them to get licenses because it ensures that they know traffic laws, and provides them with a valid id. If you want integration, keeping illegal immigrants faceless to the state is the wrong policy.

The ad brings up Mohammed Atta. His license provided means for the state to identify him. Otherwise, he would be Anonymous Terrorist #1.

More logic from Colin Powell

Colin Powell

During his endorsement of Obama on Meet the Press, Colin Powell mentioned the dirty tactic of many GOP officials and supporters calling Obama a terrorist, Arab and Muslim. Only one of those three should be taken as an insult. But Arab and Muslim have been hurled as insults. The one time that McCain has come to Obama's defense against a posse that he and Palin rounded up in Minnesota, a woman said that she heard Obama is an Arab. McCain took the microphone from her and told her, "No... he's a decent family man." As if Arab men aren't decent family men. I don't think that was McCain's intention at all. He knew where she was going with the question, and didn't want her to say "terrorist". He knew that she thought Arab, Muslim and terrorist are synonyms. But I think many people in attendance, as they booed McCain for defending Obama, thought McCain, like them didn't believe that you can be both Arab and decent.

Several journalists have addressed this, but there has been an absence of defence of Islam and Arabs from politicians. Until Colin Powell's Meet the Press appearance. This could not have been said any better.

"Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country? The answer is no. That's not America. Is there something wrong with a seven-year-old Muslim-American kid believing he or she could be president? Yet I have heard senior members of my own party drop the suggestion that he is a Muslim and might have an association with terrorists. This is not the way we should be doing it in America.

I feel particularly strong about this because of a picture I saw in a magazine. It was a photo essay about troops who were serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. And one picture at the tail end of this photo essay, was of a mother at Arlington Cemetery and she had her head on the headstone of her son's grave. And as the picture focused in, you could see the writing on the headstone, and it gave his awards - Purple Heart, Bronze Star - showed that he died in Iraq, gave his date of birth, date of death, he was 20 years old. And then at the very top of the head stone, it didn't have a Christian cross. It didn't have a Star of David. It has a crescent and star of the Islamic faith.

And his name was Kareem Rashad Sultan Khan. And he was an American. He was born in New Jersey. He was fourteen years old at the time of 9/11, and he waited until he could serve his country and he gave his life."

Jesus Tap-dancing Christ

Greg Oden

Greg Oden might end up being the most entertaining person in the NBA for the next decade, unless he's Sam Bowie reincarnated, in which case he would be entertaining for about three years, and then get another job.

Here he is singing N'Sync.



And here he is in one of my favorite commercials.

Come on, YouTube Community

I work hard at stand-up. I put videos on YouTube. Some are stand-up, others are sketches, Crucial Element, and McCain attack ads. My stuff doesn't have a lot of views, but for a comic without TV credits, it's respectable. Not enough, but still respectable.

Now, I realize that I will never have a video that gets more views than a video of a farting baby, a kid falling off of a bike, or a guy getting hit in the balls by anything, but yesterday things got ridiculous. I got an email from my girlfriend that said something along the lines of, "Check this out. I'm a star. 30,000 views." I didn't even know she had a video on YouTube. Why would she?

I clicked on the link. She and I saw Obama speak in Philadelphia last weekend. He started talking about the Phillies. She recorded him talking about them, I guess to show her friends who are Phillies fans. She put it on YouTube, so she could send it to them. Now it's on Yahoo Sports, and every Phillies related thing in the world. Double you tee eff? It's now well over 30,000 views. And the comments are CRAZY. People are trying to bring him down for it, when he was clearly joking around. So, my girlfriend has destroyed my self-esteem and appears to be trying to bring down Obama in one fell swoop. We're going to have to have a talk.

My only consolation is that I can be heard clapping in the video when he says, "I'm a White Sox fan," because I'm a White Sox fan too. So, that video that I'm in has over 30,000 views. But the Crucial Element teaser... under 2,000.

Come on, YouTube community. Get with the program. Also, don't forget to holla at your boy (I've never said that. Wanted to give it a shot. Overrated.).

Debate Summary

Haha. Lol. HaLOLOLOL

Fox News headline: Hip-Hop-Dancing Colin Powell Fuels Speculation He'll Endorse Obama

If you read the article, they make it pretty clear that Colin Powell's tendency to occasionally dance and hang out with Africans contributes to his liklihood of endorsing Obama. I wonder why they didn't address his Kool-Aid intake, or the fact that he doesn't swim well. Or, "Colin Powell, notorious for eating watermelon, set to endorse Barack Obama." Fox News is to news as the WWF is to sports.

Last night's debate...

The polls speak for themselves. The only thing I would add is that Obama could have hands-down won the debate about thirty minutes in, when they were talking about campaign tactics, if he had said, "Look, I didn't state my case for the presidency for the past 20 months only to come here and debate the campaign. I'm here to debate the issues. There are many important issues that are affecting millions of Americans every day, none of which are campaign strategies." He didn't say that, but his rebuttals to the McCain attacks were clear and well-said.

This is why I'm worried for Obama's safety.

This is from eastern Ohio, in October, 2008. If you just read these comments, you would think it was from 1860.

From the Official Sacramento Republican Party's Website

Most offensive thing ever, or just in years?

British video from 70s designed to scare kids

The Team That Does Not Exist

Every few years a pro sports team moves to another city. Usually people can get used to it because the team will keep their name, have cool uniforms, or not move to a hell-hole.

Past examples:

Minneapolis Lakers move to L.A. - This pissed off the entire mid-west. Not only did they move, but they kept the Lakers name, even though the closest lake to L.A. is probably in Utah. However, the majority couldn't get mad because they kept their name and moved to L.A.

New Orleans Jazz move to Utah - This was a WTF move. They kept the name, even though I'm pretty sure know one in Utah realized that jazz is a type of music. They thought it was the sound the Adam West Batman made when he hit someone. Time passed and people got over it.

Vancouver Grizzlies to Memphis - I know, we'll take a team out of a city where they're losing money and send them to a city where they'll lose even more money. Business 101. The only good thing with this move is that they kept their name. Even though there are no grizzlies within a few thousand miles of Memphis, they had to keep the name. They had to because Vancouver was an expansion team. It takes me, and I think most people, about five years to acknowledge that an expansion team exists. If they changed their name to the Memphis BBQs or something, they would be forgotten.

Charlotte Hornets to New Orleans - I applaud this.

Cleveland Browns to Baltimore - This was brutal. Cleveland has some of the best fans. And their team was stolen, moved to Baltimore, name changed to Ravens, and they won a Super Bowl. Cleveland residents were able to add another item to the list of reasons why god hates Cleveland. But they got another disappointing team a few years later. Fixed.

Sometimes franchise moves are okay, and even great. Other times it sucks and takes time to adjust to. We're going to have to create a new category now.

The Seattle Supersonics moved to Oklahoma City, and changed their name to the Thunder. What the hell is that? It sounds like a made up franchise for a Disney basketball movie. "This evening, we have an exciting match-up between the Los Angeles Turbos and the Oklahoma City Thunders." They took away one of the oldest franchises, moved them to Oklahoma City. I've never been there, but I've heard it's like Jacksonville, only hotter. Why not move them to Greenville, SC? They don't have a team either. On top of that, they got rid of the awesome name, uniforms and logo. And named them Thunder. That is absolutely terrible. Most team names have to do with that city's industry or history: Supersonics, Bulls, Pistons, N.O. Jazz, Spurs, Rockets. But Oklahoma City? They had nothing. "Well, we get storms sometimes. Thunder and what-not. Can we call 'em the Thunder and What-nots?"

As you can see, I'm pissed about this. I just saw highlights from one of their games, and pretended it didn't happen. I will never acknowledge this team's existence. After publishing this, the Oklahoma City Thunder will be removed from my vocabulary. I watch every Bulls game every year. I will skip the games against the Thunder, and remove those games from the Bulls' win-loss record. Danny Rouhier is with me on this. I'm not crazy.

To be fair, there are worse team names in basketball. But none have the bad name/bad location/bad uniform combo down like the Thunder.

Worse names:

Orlando Magic: For serious? Go back and change it to something else.

Washington Wizards: Let's see, they're located in the capital. The city has 200 years of history. Sticking with Bullets would have been better. It was an earned name. But instead, they pretended that Washington is the city of wizardry. This still blows my mind every time I see their name in print. Sometimes I still call them the Bullets. It's like how I refuse to call the WWF by their new name. I have never done it. Not once.

New Jersey Nets: Come on, NJ. The name for your basketball team is the name of part of a basketball court. Terrible. That's like a football team called the New York Endzones. People from New Jersey always claim their state doesn't suck as badly as everyone thinks. Then they're given the responsibility to name a basketball team and can't think of anything about the state that is better than a fucking net.

New York Knickerbockers: It's better than coolots and leg-warmers, but still god-awful.

Miami Heat/Phoenix Suns: Warmth? That's all you've got?

Oklahoma City Thunder

Hitchens on the Economy

Christopher Hitchens has written a great article for Vanity Fair about the financial meltdown and ensuing bailout, called America the Banana Republic.

Ignorance in Bethlehem, PA and Strongville, OH

A sampling of the below videos from McCain's October 8 rally in PA and another in Strongville, OH. I don't understand how he can accept the support of people with these opinions. So far, John Edwards is still the only one with enough integrity to tell people that if they're voting for him because they don't approve of Obama's skin color, then he didn't want their vote or support. Step up, McCain. Denounce the bigotry that's following you.

"A one man terror cell."
"Terrorist."
"Has the bloodlines... Look at his name... Look at the connections."
"Commie faggot."
"Definitely a terrorist."
"There have been more personal interviews with Sarah than Barack."
"He's a lawyer."
"Obama is a Muslim. He's a terrorist."
"Socialist swine."
"European socialist."
"[Rape victims] should die if they can't afford health care."
"[Rape victims] should pay double [for health care]."
"[ACORN] and Obama have single-handedly brought this financial catastrophe on this country."
And they yelled at protestors, instructing them to "Get a job!" Um, I think you took the day off too.

You don't see this kind of ignorance at an Obama rally. The most offensive thing you might here is someone saying that McCain is Bush part 2.

Privacy

This is why I've written many times about unwarranted wire-taps and public video surveillance. Abuse is unavoidable, and the rules for implementing them are maleable. 

There's an employee at the ol' temp job named Immaculate. I would refuse to call her that. "Pick another name. Or another adjective. I'm not calling you Immaculate." If you had a name like that, wouldn't you side with a nickname by the age of about 10? Like Imma, or Mac or something. Even Culate is better.

Crazy Sprinkler Lady

Awesome.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Dear John McCain and Sarah Palin,

This is why you don't inject race, Hussein, and implications that Obama is a terrorist sympathizer, into the campaign. 

There are millions of people like this, who have been waiting for someone with authority to second their opinions. Now the McCain-Palin campaign has done so. These lunatics now have reason to believe that McCain-Palin are in favor of their cause. In their minds, their ignorance has been validated. Until John Mccain and Sarah Palin denounce the racist resentment that they are fueling, they are a national disgrace.

For more on this, see the blog I wrote earlier in the day about racism in the campaign.

Thanks to Andrew Sullivan for sharing the video.

This might be a bigger issue than serving on an education board with Bill Ayers

Racism is Not Good

Political campaigns are and have always been littered with dishonesty. Some statements are exaggerations, while others are outright lies. There is a broad line between these kinds of statements and those which provoke hatred. The latter is dangerous and has no place in politics.

I thought Senator McCain was above injecting racism into the election, but the rhetoric of his campaign over the past few days has proven me wrong. I am in disbelief. McCain is not racist. I don't think Governor Palin is either. But their campaign has no problem with catering to people's racism.

Usually, politicians will play to national security fears, with race only playing a part in southern elections. The Willie Horton ad in 1988 is the only time I can think of it being a prominent issue in a national campaign. And although incendiary, the attack didn't teeter on personal danger for Michael Dukakis. The same goes for the 2006 ad attacking Harold Ford, a black candidate for the U.S. Senate in Tennessee. There were vague racist remarks against him, the most brutal being an ad that played into a southern fear that black men will take their white women. While racist and full of resentment, it was not something that would incite hatred.

The past few days of McCain-Palin attacks are nothing short of an attempt to incite hatred. Their campaign must realize that there are racist people who have been waiting for a national mouthpiece for their cause. The McCain-Palin campaign is becoming that mouthpiece. I don't think they realize how serious this is. There are thousands of people who will want to assassinate any non-white president. Playing to that hate would only embolden them to act on their ignorance. I'm genuinely afraid for Obama now.

A few months ago, David Duke, the former KKK leader, said that he would like to see Obama elected, because it would "set off the race war." There are people who are serious about this. And the McCain-Palin campaign is giving them words to rally around, whether it is intentional or not.

Over the past two days, audience members at McCain-Palin rallies have shouted, loudly, "Terrorist," "Traitor," and "Kill him." And McCain's and Palin's response? Nothing. Anyone with any trace of self-respect would repudiate such comments. But McCain grimaced and, said nothing. He clearly doesn't approve, but to be silent is to condone. Palin, on the other hand, kept her fake, beauty-pageant smile. I'm surprised she didn't wink. Their inaction is dangerous. In all fairness, it is unclear whether the shout of "Kill him" was in reference to Obama or Ayers. And while no one is responsible for the opinions of others, politicians who are in the race for leader of the free world have a responsibility to step up and counter ignorance with enlightenment. That is a basic human virtue.

Another instance, which their spokesperson actually condemned, was a Sheriff referring to Obama at a Palin rally as "Barack HUSSEIN Obama," and getting massive cheers in return. The Sherriff refuses to apologize, because that is in fact Barack Obama's middle name. But the obvious reason that it was invoked is Islam-ophobia. There is a reason people don't say, "John SIDNEY McCain." People aren't afraid of Australia.

Although Palin's spokesperson condemned the use of Hussein, she has said worse and she has never rescinded her statements. She continues to campaign on the notion that Obama "is not one of us." She claims that she is not trying to stoke racist fears, but "Not one of us" is a phrase and mentality that has been used by racists since the onset of racism and phrases. It implies that blacks and whites are different. This is a Plessy vs Ferguson era phrase (Plessy vs Ferguson was a Supreme Court case whose decision I disagree with). It was the phrase of segregation. How can she say it doesn't contain racial undertones?

The phrase that has been getting all of the media attention has been Palin's claim that Obama is known to "Pal around with terrorists who targeted our country." (Before getting into the racial fear, let's acknowledge that she said, "Pal around..." She's running for VP and she said, "Pal around.") She's referring to Obama serving on a non-profit board with Bill Ayers, a man who founded an anti-Vietnam war group about 40 years ago. Ayers did and said some very awful things. There's no excuse for his words or actions. However, these things happened decades ago and have absolutely nothing to do with Obama. The issue was investigated during the primaries and dismissed.

Bringing up Ayers at this point is a move of desperation. The aspect that makes it more despicable is the fact that Palin doesn't mention Ayers by name in the attack. She only says that Obama pals around with “terrorists who targeted our country." Notice, not terrorist, but terrorists. It is a thinly veiled attempt to associate Barack HUSSEIN Obama with 9-11 and Al Qaeda. And to plant the seed that just maybe Obama is a terrorist, and just maybe he approves of their actions and beliefs.

I never thought that any politician could stoop this low. It has been left to the candidate who winks during a debate to do so. Her candidacy is a farce. We've known that from the beginning. Injecting racism only makes it more apparent. Their campaign's claim that these comments aren't racial makes one wonder if they are even more ignorant than Palin herself has appeared in interviews.

It is now up to John McCain to speak out against all of this talk, and acknowledge Obama as an esteemed U.S. Senator who is as patriotic as any American, and whose skin color and name are irrelevant to his ideas and character. For some reason, I doubt this will happen.

In response to a couple congressmen calling out their campaign on these statements, a McCain spokesperson replied,“It is disappointing that Barack Obama and his supporters continue to play the race card from the bottom of the deck..." Unbelievable.

Gotta be Dapper Dan

I just discovered that my roommate hasn't seen O Brother Where Art Thou? I'm dissappointed, because he has seen Underworld 2. I'm a huge Cohen Brothers fan. This movie has two of my favorite lines in movie history. "He's bona fide," and "It's gotta be Dapper Dan." Anyway, I brought it up to him, and he said he hadn't seen it. So I sent him the clip of them going to the radio station to record I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow, which also has a great line - "I'm not here to make a record, ya dumb cracker."

Then I stumbled onto this video of the people who are actually performing the music in the movie. The performance is great, but that's not why I'm posting this. I'm posting it because at the 1:41 mark, they cut to a guy who is clapping in a way that man has not seen. It's like he's putting his whole body into it. Watch and enjoy.

Debate Notes

-McCain:"We can attack health care and the economy at the same time." Yeah, but we can't handle the economy and a debate at theh same time?

-McCain: "Obama's tax proposals are like nailing Jell-O to a wall. There's been so many versions of them, you don't know what they are anymore."

That is an awful joke. I can't even guess the logic he was going for. That's the equivalent of, Yo' mama so tall, she can't read.

-McCain just said fixing Social Security is easy. "We just need to sit down at a table." Medicare is just as easy. We need to "bring people together to come up with solutions."

The specificity is almost boring.

-McCain was wandering around the stage, aimlessly, as Obama was talking. Was he lost? What the hell was going on there?

-In the context of Iran attacking Israel, McCain suggested we spurn the UN and form a "league of democracies." What? Does he not know what the UN is? I realize the Russia-China issue there. What about NATO. He was trying to come up with a new idea when the standards in place are sufficient. 

Judas H. Priest

"Say it ain't so, Joe, there you go again pointing backwards again. You preferenced [sic] your whole comment with the Bush administration. Now doggone it, let's look ahead and tell Americans what we have to plan to do for them in the future. You mentioned education and I'm glad you did. I know education you are passionate about with your wife being a teacher for 30 years, and god bless her. Her reward is in heaven, right? I say, too, with education, America needs to be putting a lot more focus on that and our schools have got to be really ramped up in terms of the funding that they are deserving. Teachers needed to be paid more. I come from a house full of school teachers. My grandma was, my dad who is in the audience today, he's a schoolteacher, had been for many years. My brother, who I think is the best schoolteacher in the year, and here's a shout-out to all those third graders at Gladys Wood Elementary School, you get extra credit for watching the debate,"

- Sarah Palin on her plans for education policy last night.

-Excerpted from Andrew Sullivan.

She beat the expectations...

However, the expectations were set so low that she could have blew spit-bubbles for 90 minutes and it would have been hailed as a "brave performance." She did prove that she can read from note cards and wink, just like Jefferson and Teddy Roosevelt used to do.

AFL-CIO's Richard Trumka

He's talking about the racism against Obama. Very good speech.

What an embarrassment

Highlights of Palin's incompetence. If it was a sketch, it would be phenomenal.

My favorite more subtle quotes:

"...Um, scary thing..."

During the Fox News interview, "Breaking News: Palin: Real Reform is Tough, and You Do Ruffle Some Feathers".

This campaign doesn't seem to understand that the days of winning elections on the basis of "I love flags and Jesus," are over.

Is it really split?

I

Do not eat at this place.

Next time you're on vacation in Jersey City, do not eat Chinese food at the Chinese place on Central Avenue, between Bowers and South. Why? Because they're dicks. I'm involved in maybe 0-4 verbal altercations per year. They're usually with a soccer ref about a bad call. And they usually end after about 5 seconds with both of us deciding it doesn't matter. Yesterday's spat will not go away as easily. They are complete dicks. I can't stress that enough.

Backstory: I'm not opposed to cooking. But I hate going to the grocery store. Therefore, unless someone goes to the grocery store for me, I usually buy food from restaurants. Why not go to a grocery store instead of a restaurant? Because when I go to a restaurant, if I want a burger and fries, I tell them and they give it to me. If I go to a grocery store, I have to get 10 different things from 10 different locations. I hate it. Put it all together. Put the ground beef, cheese, ketchup, mustard and buns together. Why do I have to go to different sides of the grocery store to get milk and chocolate syrup. What else are people using chocolate syrup for? Put it with the milk.

I got sidetracked. That wasn't the backstory at all. The correct backstory: I have very few restaurant choices in my neighborhood, due to my neighborhood sucking. I used to live a two miles away in Hoboken and could find any type of food I could think of by walking for 5 minutes. Two miles away, in the same city atmosphere, my only options are two pizza places, Burger King, Blimpie, Subway, and a Chinese place run by complete dicks. I can't eat pizza every day. I try not to eat fast food. And I don't like Blimpie and Subway. About once per week, that leaves me with the only option of Chinese food, served by a dick.

Before last night, every time I've been there, they've charged me a different price for sesame chicken with brown rice. But whenever I told them it wasn't the price on the menu, they came up with different reasons for overcharging me. My favorites are: Fryer Surcharge and 50 cents credit card surcharge. The fryer surcharge was so ballsy that I had to respect it. It's like when McCain put out the "Obama wants to teach your children about sex before they can read" ad. So ballsy. Although it's not honest, you have to just think, "Whoa, balls. Respect. Kind of." 

Last night, Quincy and I went there. Quincy ordered Beef Chow Fun, "no sprouts." When he said this, the cashier gave him a look like she was offended and shot back, "Sprouts? No sprouts? Why you say 'no sprouts'?"

"Because I don't want sprouts."

With a look of utter disgust, she replied, "We don't put sprouts."

They do normally put sprouts in it. That's why he said it. He replied, "Okay. That's fine. As long as there are no sprouts."

"So why you say no sprouts then?"

"Just make it the way you make it."

"No sprouts... I don't know why you say that."

It was my turn. I ordered the same thing I order EVERY time, since I learned the first time that they put red peppers in sesame chicken.

"Sesame chicken, no peppers, and brown rice."

"No peppers?"

"Right."

"We don't use peppers."

"Okay."

"But we don't use peppers."

I can't let this go. "Well you did in the past, so that's why I ordered it like that."

"Maybe somewhere else. Maybe you eat somewhere else."

"No. It was here. Look, I just want sesame chicken and brown rice."

"But why you say 'no peppers'? Look at picture on menu. No peppers."

"Please just give me sesame chicken and brown rice."

"Look at picture. We don't put peppers."

Then Quincy ordered a Snapple. She didn't add anything up. Instead she just said, "$12." I didn't want to argue. I have no idea of how she came up with such a round number. It should have been just over $10. I didn't care though. I hated her so much, I just wanted to pay, get the food and leave.

A few minutes later, we got our food. I wanted to check my rice before leaving. Sure enough, they gave me white rice. When I was opening it, the cashier said, "What you look at your food for?"

"This is white rice. I ordered brown rice." I handed the white rice to her.

"You don't get brown rice."

"But I ordered brown rice."

"You can't have brown rice."

"I always get brown rice here."

"No. You want brown rice, you pay $1 more."

"No. I've never had to pay more. Look at the menu. It says I can get white or brown rice."

"I don't give to you if you don't give me $1."

"Are you serious?"

"$1."

"What is wrong with... never mind. Give me back my white rice. I'm never coming back here. You suck."

I admit that's a pretty pathetic closing statement. But I think she got the point that I hate her. Next time you're vacationing in Jersey City, don't go to this place.

Too funny

Alaska's senior Senator Ted Stevens is under federal indictment for seven charges. Very corrupt. Also vain. He has a charity called The Ted Stevens Foundation. Their goal is to  "assist in educating and informing the public about the career of Senator Ted Stevens.(Wikipedia)."

Following suit, Don Young, equally as corrupt, and their lone Congressman, has made up an award called "Hero of the Taxpayer," and claims the watchdog Taxpayers for Common Sense gave it to him. They've given him one award in their history. It was the opposite kind of award, given for the Bridge to Nowhere.

Doesn't make any sense...

Palin has long been a global warming "critic." I put it in quotes because she uses no facts to back up her claims. McCain, on the other hand, understands and cedes to scientists on issues of science. As a result, Palin has had to halfway embrace that it could be man-made. In her only two legit interviews, she has stated that man's activities may have contributed to warming to some extent, but not entirely. And natural warming cycles are just as responsible. After making these two "points," she states that regardless of whether it's man-made or natural, we have to do something about it. Guess what, dumbass? If it's natural, we can't do anything about it. You want to change the sun? Sure. Go for it. And if she thinks that dinosaurs lived with people 6,000 years ago, then she definitely isn't referring to geoengineering. She's just making a blind rhetorical statement. I don't know why Couric and Gibson didn't call her out on this obvious contradiction.

For the record, the last 11-year solar cycle has been essentially dormant when compared to recent cycles. The solar flares that Senator Inhoffe likes to bring up as being responsible for increased temperatures are fabricated. I guess he has an inside source at the sun, who is getting better data than NASA. He's been claiming for years that this is the case. Then why are the temperatures increasing at a much higher rate at the poles where there is no vegetation to absorb the CO2? Oh, because of campaign donations. That's right.

The simplest way to dispel this solar activity myth is to look at the temperature variance between the troposphere and stratosphere. The troposphere is the lowest level of atmosphere, with the stratosphere being next. The temperatures of the two should increase and decrease at the same rate. However, as greenhouse gases have trapped heat, the troposphere is comparatively warmer than it should be in accordance to the temperature of the stratosphere.

This is a little nerdy for a comedy blog. My bad. I just hate it when people try to discredit science.