Some Blogs Make Their Own Gravy

A friend turned me on to his former co-worker's blog. It is phenomenal. The guy is a lunatic. Background info from my friend: The guy "cries a lot... his friends call him Columbine." His friends call him that. I've taken excerpts of my favorite blog of his pasted them below. It's going to seem sad at first, but stick with it. It's pathetic, not sad. I hope you enjoy how much of a douche this guy is.

My 5 year relationship with Dani is over.

In short: she lied to me, abused me, stole from me, and finally cheated on me and left.

Of course there is a longer story and I'm sure I'll write about it more some other time. I just feel compelled to mention it now since it has been so long since I have blogged. And while I am not perfect and certainly gave her reasons to be angry the consensus from anyone in the know and even my own deep consideration is that nothing I could've possibly done could justify her attitudes and behaviors in a manner that made it ok for her to cheat and act the way she does.

That was the intro. Now we're getting to the meat.

Dani's position was that I mistreated her and didn't appreciate her.

Mistreat her? I doubt it. Let's hear some examples.

She would be upset if I told her I thought she was stupid, or that she wasn't sanitary, or if she was being rude.

I can kind of see where she was coming from. What do you think she did to deserve being called stupid  and dirty?

Dani would stay up very late and into the morning most nights, including work nights. We're talking 3 or 4 am. What was she doing? Playing the game that ran her life: Final Fantasy XI. And while people get addicted to games all of the time, it wasn't about the game for her. It was about the attention she would recieve from the boys she met on the game.

Now, you said "boys." As in kids? You're both 30. And how do they give you attention on a video game? There's no interaction other than, "I'll kill Gorlack. You wait here."

I was never comfortable with her staying up so late. I didn't care about the game so much. But I knew her history with people on that game. She once tried to move up to New Hampshire for some people she had met on the game! More about that later.

That's called a cliffhanger, folks. I can't to hear more about that later.

So anyways, young boys would text her even when we were out on dates or running errands. And when it got to the point that it bothered me and I let her know, she kept in touch with them off of the game anyways. Massive red flags were popping up everywhere. And it all came to a head about February.

Now he's explicitly saying "young boys." I'm really starting to think these are children. I don't think it's illegal to text a child, but if you aren't related to them, it should be. What good is going to come out of that? "I just need to know how to defeat King Mootron."

A "mutual" friend of ours flew out to visit Maryland from Los Angeles to hang out with Dani and myself. It was a novelty at first. Dani shrugged him off as nice but unattractive, irresponsible, and annoying. But then, before this guy flew back to LA, Dani spent some time with him alone while I was at work. I knew something was up, because she was so dissmissive of him earlier in his visit but now so eager to see him to the point she went out of her way.

Get ready for it. You're about to read the best paragraph that the Internet has ever seen.

Not even two weeks later, Dani told me she had to fly out to a special work function in LA. It struck me as very odd that they would have a secretary fly cross country for a meeting, but Dani got insanely defensive when I asked about it, going so far as to produce a memo from work and pushing me to call her boss, knowing that I would not embarrass her. I knew very well that she creates memos for a living but ignored that. So she flew out there for 5 days, swearing she wouldn't contact this guy. Her bill told me she was texting him 30-1 compared to me! WOW did she get defensive when I brought it up and changed the password to her online cell bill.

Okay. So she writes the memos. Big deal. It was obvious that she was lying. But the cell bill thing... Holy shit. It doesn't sound like they have a joint account. So this is illegal. And he counted the texts. Unbelievable. And what did she have to do in order for him to change the password back? Oh, maybe we'll find out in the next paragraph, which is actually the best paragraph in Internet history, which I warned you about earlier.

When she came back she was totally withdrawn. And I knew what had happened. My fears were confirmed the very first time we had sex. She totally felt different. She was stetched out and the very moment I entered her, she let out a very loud and embarrassing queef. She was almost going through the motions and I suspect she even faked her orgasms. I knew she had cheated. 

Read that paragraph again. "She was stretched out and the very moment I entered her, she let out a very loud and embarrassing queef." There's an annual award for the worst sex writing. This has to win this year. I'm nominating it.

She was offered a new job out in LA and she wanted to move there.

No shit.

And finally, moving day came.

The night before, I asked her very clearly not to take the nice camera I had bought. I just pictured her using it to record new sex movies with her disgusting new boyfriend. I told her to take the functional Sony camera instead and she didn't put up a fight.

Cameras are also used for other things.

But the next day I noticed my camera was missing. I asked her and she matter of factly told me she had packed it. But this wasn't until we were at the airport and she was running late for her flight. It was pretty strategic because I couldn't possibly make her miss her flight over a camera.
...

Of course she went out of her way to pick at me. I tried keeping things in email but she made things personal when I asked her not to and went out of her way to throw her new life in my face. She would post pictures of her and her disgusting new boyfriend on her My Space. I stopped looking but of course my mother would let me hear it. Or she agreed to send me money and would later recant. OR she would tell me what a horrible person I was to her and how her new man appreciated her. I am talking some real high school shit. Anything to get a rise out of me, to the point that she would make passing comments about dates I went on or my new job with T-Mobile. Total immaturity.

She's throwing her new life in his face by putting pictures on Myspace? He must have one of those new computers that requires him to look at her Myspace page every time he checks his email. They're really nice. And I like that his mother is getting involved. Other questions: Why would she send you money? You're mocking her for "some real high school shit"?

There is so much more to write and so much more to tell. 5 years is a long time. And there were good times too. But all I have to remember Dani by is her selfishness and hypocracy. She hated my brother Steve for sleeping with all of my girlfriends but in the end she was no better then he was. In fact in a final defiance and refusal to take responsibility, she told me that something was wrong with ME to make all of these girls cheat on me.

Whoa, you're brother sleeps with your girlfriends? Where is that blog?

She actually said that.

Well, yeah.

So she is now banging this scumbag from LA that she dismissed as being digusting for being a pothead. I remember him telling us the stories about how his wife(!!!) would harrass the women he was seeing on the side because of the son(!!!) they were raising. And all I could hope is that she finds out about Dani. But at least she didn't bring scabies(!!!) to him like she did when she brought them to me from the dirtbag she was doing in New Hampshire. 

More some other time on the dirty whore.

No comment. The last paragraph makes its own gravy.