Bad Names and Strategy
My mom works at a middle school where a lot of kids have crazy names. Whenever she comes across a new name, she adds it to her Crazy Name List. Creative names can be cool. My roommate's mom is named Sidalia. I think it's the coolest sounding name I've heard. But sometimes a person tries to come up with a Sidalia and ends up with a Denquasha. That's one of the names on my mom's list. It looks bad on paper. Now say it out loud. Yeah, worst name ever. Denquasha. Her name has doomed her. You will never hear, "Are you going to Denquasha's book signing?" "Oh man, did you see the ass on Denquasha? Oh wait, her name is Denquasha. Never mind." There couldn't be a less sexy name. If you're choosing between doctors and you've narrowed it down to Dr. Erin Jackson, or Dr. Denquasha Jackson, I think we know which one you're going with. It sounds like it could be Swahili for crushing insects or something. That, or the name of a martial arts video game.
Another name: QaMariah ShaQueen Shabazz [last name deleted]
So, four names. We'll start from the back. Shabazz is a normal name, but as far as I know it's as masculine of a name as Steve, and as far as we know she isn't Muslim. I could be wrong though. ShaQueen: That's just funny. They just wanted to name the girl Queen and picked a random prefix. But the first name... unpronounceable. Try to say it. You can't. The English language can't process that word. Q and A don't go next to each other. Apparently the English teacher can't say the name either, and there are only two weeks of school left. The girl pronounces it "Ka-myra," but you and I know that's not what it says. Now, get this, the girl is failing English and writes, "Dat," "Dem," and "Dees" in her papers. I know, what a surprise. Come on parents, get on yo' shit.
Then again, the only reason names like John, Sean and Kyle sound normal is because they've been used for so long. Maybe in a few generations Denquasha will become the new Alan. If that happens, for some reason, I think that would be awesome.
-Strategy: Sometimes when I sit at home all day I get lazy do no work. I've developed a new strategy recently though. You can try this at home. Bike several miles to a coffee shop to write. Then you're guaranteed to work for a long time. The only alternative to working is biking several more miles immediately.
Another name: QaMariah ShaQueen Shabazz [last name deleted]
So, four names. We'll start from the back. Shabazz is a normal name, but as far as I know it's as masculine of a name as Steve, and as far as we know she isn't Muslim. I could be wrong though. ShaQueen: That's just funny. They just wanted to name the girl Queen and picked a random prefix. But the first name... unpronounceable. Try to say it. You can't. The English language can't process that word. Q and A don't go next to each other. Apparently the English teacher can't say the name either, and there are only two weeks of school left. The girl pronounces it "Ka-myra," but you and I know that's not what it says. Now, get this, the girl is failing English and writes, "Dat," "Dem," and "Dees" in her papers. I know, what a surprise. Come on parents, get on yo' shit.
Then again, the only reason names like John, Sean and Kyle sound normal is because they've been used for so long. Maybe in a few generations Denquasha will become the new Alan. If that happens, for some reason, I think that would be awesome.
-Strategy: Sometimes when I sit at home all day I get lazy do no work. I've developed a new strategy recently though. You can try this at home. Bike several miles to a coffee shop to write. Then you're guaranteed to work for a long time. The only alternative to working is biking several more miles immediately.
posted by ryanconnercomedy at 1:32 PM
1 Comments:
Alan says:
You're right Ryan, pity poor QaMariah. We've seen this before: have we ever settled on how to say Qatar?
Will Denquasha ever match the prestige of Alan? Probably not. (And were you mocking me?) But maybe I can save the poor girl by lending her my last name: Denquasha Skontra (can't wait to put a Google news alert out for that one). Certainly that's an improvement. So see, I told you everything goes with Skontra.
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