Why don't we do it in the road?

Here's another Mississippi story that I somehow forgot.

On the Gulf Coast, it's not really stereotypical Deep South. I'd say only about 10%. And the stereotype I'm referencing isn't that of the Southern gentleman who sits on his porch all day, drinking mint juleps, until his buddies come over for an evening dandy, which may or may not feature a game of Canasta. I'm talking about people who say Skoal is for pussies. They go straight for the Red Man. They also wouldn't be caught dead in city-folk clothes like Carhartt. Instead, they wear some brand whose name I can't remember, but comes with a free caliper.

My friend, Jesse, lives across the street from two guys who are like what I just described. The house belongs to Brian and his fiance. Brian's brother, Larry, rents a bedroom from them. Last Wednesday, Brian and Larry went out to a bar that was having a "ladies' night," whatever that means(Ladies get drink specials or lesbian night? It's never clear). A woman was going around selling nipple pasties for $25. Apparently she made them. In times of recession, it's good to be innovative.

Larry bought a pair of custom pasties, went to the bathroom, whipped out his pocket knife, and cut circles out of his shirt around his nipples. He then affixed said pasties. It was time to party.

As the night wore on, Larry started chatting up the pasty vendor. They hit it off as well as a man with nipple pasties and a woman who makes nipple pasties can. Eventually, Brian went home to his fiance, leaving Larry with the pasty vendor. The two of them eventually made it back to Larry's/Brian's/Brian's fiance's place. But it was late, around 4am. Before things started to happen, Larry asked, "Are you loud?" Affirmative. Larry was planning to bring his A-Game, so in his mind, she would be yelling like never before(Kind of makes me think that if she said she's not loud, he would have responded, "You will be with way I do it."). Larry had to come up with a plan B. He couldn't wake up his brother and future sister-in-law. Then it hit him. He knew exactly what he should do.

Around 5am, with the sun rising, Jesse went outside because he hear yelling. He looked across the street to see the most disturbing sight he had ever seen. The door of Larry's truck was open. Pasty girl was naked and bent over the seat, her feet planted a couple feet apart on the driveway. Larry was behind her, pants around his ankles, going to town as only Larry can visit a town. The sun was up, and they were outside. Larry looked over to see Jesse, and unashamed he yelled, "Good morning," while waving with one hand and never breaking stride. That's the whole story, but what makes it even better is that Larry is on permanent crutches, like Jimmy from South Park. So when he was having sex with this girl, he was actually pivoting back and forth on the crutches. And when he waved to Jesse, he waved a crutch at him.