Adventures in Shanghai Volume 1: Greetings from Tomorrow

I tried to blog and Twitter updates from China, however, China has blocked Blogger.com, Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, and several news sites that I rely on. They block anything that encourages people to get together. American Idol has been banned because it encourages voting. Andrew Sullivan's blog has been blocked because he posts updates on the Green Revolution in Iran. Because I couldn't blog from China, I sent email updates to a few friends. I'll post them here, one per day for the next several days.

Dear Friends,

I would be writing this on my blog, but Blogger.com, Facebook, YouTube and all forms of Internet fun are blocked in China. Also, I was notified that local authorities are monitoring my email. So, China #1 super fun happy okay!

I'm wrapping up my first day in Shanghai. Even though I was awake for about 27 straight hours, I had trouble sleeping last night. The fact that it's tomorrow here is fucking me up. I flew west, so for several hours the time was going backwards. Then, all of a sudden, it was tomorrow. How does that work? I think the Olympics are still going on.

I woke up at 4:30 AM and tried to go back to sleep, until I gave up at 6AM. At that time, I went to the gym. The gym here is very nice, and the gym staff works very hard, I think. A manager walked in with a member of the cleaning staff, angrily pointed at an invisible fingerprint on a mirror, and made the girl scrub it. There is a fire hose in the gym. There is also a translation error on the fire hose. It is labeled "Fire Cock." (Check Facebook for that picture in the next couple days.)

I got back to my room and ordered room service. I figured that food in China is cheap enough that I could afford room service this morning. My meal was $15. If I wanted to tack orange juice onto the bill, that would have been an additional $9. Once again, how does that work?

After talking to my girlfriend for a while on the Google Voice, I took a short nap, after which I decided to explore the city. Although the country is cheap, there's a Ferrari dealership in my hotel (JW Marriott), so my district is a little pricey. I walked around for a few minutes and was hassled about once per 30 seconds by people trying to sell watches and DVDs. I don't know why everyone thinks Americans are thirsting for bootleg movies and the time. There's a huge clock tower where people are selling the watches. The tower is a constant reminder that I don't need a clock on my wrist as well.

Moments later, I stumbled across blocks and blocks of small food stands. They were great. I got two sticks of grilled beef (I hope), four dumplings and a custard thing for under $3. I felt like a fucking beast. I thought I was taking over China. Then I walked around a little more, until I got slightly lost. Then I heard, "Hey... hey... I speak English..." After a while, I ignored people because they were all trying to sell me shitty watches, but this voice sounded friendly, so I turned and said hi. It was a Mongolian art student named Jennifer. Jennifer is a very common name in Mongolia and Richard is a very common name in China. I swear. Jennifer was in Shanghai for an art exhibition for her school. She spoke perfect English, which destroyed my image of Mongolia. The country has 11 roads, but somehow Jennifer has learned perfect English. Anyway, she brought me to her art exhibition. It was pretty cool stuff, and reasonably priced after I negotiated, I think. I've never priced Mongolian and Northern Chinese art before. I bought a couple things to bring back as gifts. Jennifer is a con artist. I had been duped. I bought quality paintings, but I later found out that even after I negotiated, I still paid double the market price.

In my mind, all of my gift spending was finished for the trip. I just needed to buy something for my girlfriend and my mom. That's it. It was time to go back to the hotel and take a short nap before the show. I decided to cut through the park in front of my hotel to make the walk back more scenic. Then I heard, "Hey, where are you from?" I turned and it was three female Chinese students. I told them I'm from New York (They haven't heard of Jersey City Heights). One remarked that my English is very good. I thought that was funny, so I talked to them for a few minutes, asking what I should do and see while in Shanghai. They listed a bunch of stuff that I would never do even if I lived in Shanghai. Then they said they were going to a tea ceremony, and invited me come along.. Apparently there's a tea festival or something every three years, and I'm in luck. I told them that I didn't have time, but appreciated the invite. Then they moved in for the sell and said, "It's only five minutes away and the ceremony takes about 20 minutes. It's a Chinese tradition that you should experience." I decided I should do it for the experience. During the walk over, I learned that one of them is named whatever is Chinese for Pig, one was Zhu-Zhu, and the other was Linda. I wondered if Linda meant pig in Chinese. You probably have to see her to get that.

The tea ceremony was in a little room in an office building looking place (not specifically an office building). It was the four of us and teamaster, or whatever that person is called. We were to have tiny cups of six kinds of tea. There were ceremonial aspects, such as pouring the first cup over the head of a brass frog/fish, then touching the colored beads on its back for luck, and spinning the coin in its mouth to bring us money in the future. We had our sips of tea. Then we were asked if we would like to buy any. I bought a small can of a kind whose name I don't remember and whose purchase I now regret. All was good. The ceremony was fun, but it was time to go back to the hotel. But first, the bill. I was expecting my portion to be about $15 after buying the can of tea. I was off by quite a bit. How much money do you think you spend on tea per month or year? I figured that I probably spend about $20-30 per year on tea. That might even be on the high end. So I was a little surprised when I saw that my quarter of the bill was $160. Actually, it was originally $190, but I talked them down, because they were trying to get me to split what was owed for the youngest in the group, saying that's a tradition. I remarked, "I don't know her, so I'm not spending a fucking dime on her." After saying that about 10 different ways, the price was negotiated down to $160. That's $160 USD, not China-money. $160 for a few sips of tea. Instead of spinning the coin in the mouth of the fish/frog, how about not going to tea ceremonies. That will save you some money. Yep, another scam. Guess how much money I had left in my pocket after the art exhibition, which I thought would last for the remainder of the trip? Exactly the Yuan equivalent of $160 USD. I can't get over this. I spent $160 on fucking tea. Tea. The shit grows outside. Some of it might be categorized as weeds. One was chrysanthemum. I have six chrysanthemum plants on my front steps. They cost about $50 total. It was good, but for $160, it should be magical. As far as I can tell, the powers have yet to set in, and my meals for the remainder of the trip and when I return to the States will be relegated to Ramen noodles.

Fucking Bullshit,

Ryan

Update: That night, I discovered that these are the two most common scams in Shanghai. I told people, "I paid $160 for a cup of tea today," and they would respond, "At least you didn't do the art exhibit thing too." "Oh, I did that before the tea ceremony." In future China postings, you will see that I learned my lesson and was hardened. For the rest of the trip, I refused to buy anything unless it was less than 25% of original price.