Percocet is the New Crystal Ball

First thing's first... Which makes a bigger difference: Listening to your headphones backwards, or conditioning before shampooing? I think it's a toss-up.

I'm thinking of suing Marvel Comics. They're stealing my Percocet hallucinations. You may or may not recall me writing last March about Percocet. I suffered a bad corneal abrasion and had to wear a patch and lay in darkness for a few days, all under a Percocet induced haze. In the midst of this haze, I snapped into consciousness for about 20 seconds. Long enough for me to say this to my girlfriend, as if it was an issue that the future of the world hinged on.

"Hey. Peter Parker is a newspaper photographer, right?"

"Yeah."

"And Clark Kent is a reporter?"

"Yeah."

"This isn't good. With the newspaper industry the way it is, they're gonna lose their jobs."

I immediately stopped talking, concerned about the future of crime-fighting, oblivious to the fact that Superman isn't real and Spider-Man probably isn't real. I was worried that Peter Parker would be relegated to the world of anonymous Flickr pages, and Clark Kent would run a never-read blog, because people only read the partisan news blogs, and Clark Kent is a facts man.

With that in mind, look what was brought to my attention: http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/worklife/03/01/spiderman.gets.fired/index.html?hpt=Sbin

What the fucking fuck? I think it's safe to say the folks at Marvel have been reading the blog. What's next? A comic book about hurricaning?