ryanconnercomedy

Hitchens on the Economy

2008-10-09T20:52:00.002-04:00

Christopher Hitchens has written a great article for Vanity Fair about the financial meltdown and ensuing bailout, called America the Banana Republic.

Ignorance in Bethlehem, PA and Strongville, OH

2008-10-09T13:30:00.006-04:00

A sampling of the below videos from McCain's October 8 rally in PA and another in Strongville, OH. I don't understand how he can accept the support of people with these opinions. So far, John Edwards is still the only one with enough integrity to tell people that if they're voting for him because they don't approve of Obama's skin color, then he didn't want their vote or support. Step up, McCain. Denounce the bigotry that's following you.

"A one man terror cell."
"Terrorist."
"Has the bloodlines... Look at his name... Look at the connections."
"Commie faggot."
"Definitely a terrorist."
"There have been more personal interviews with Sarah than Barack."
"He's a lawyer."
"Obama is a Muslim. He's a terrorist."
"Socialist swine."
"European socialist."
"[Rape victims] should die if they can't afford health care."
"[Rape victims] should pay double [for health care]."
"[ACORN] and Obama have single-handedly brought this financial catastrophe on this country."
And they yelled at protestors, instructing them to "Get a job!" Um, I think you took the day off too.

You don't see this kind of ignorance at an Obama rally. The most offensive thing you might here is someone saying that McCain is Bush part 2.

Privacy

2008-10-09T11:18:00.002-04:00

This is why I've written many times about unwarranted wire-taps and public video surveillance. Abuse is unavoidable, and the rules for implementing them are maleable.

2008-10-09T10:46:00.001-04:00

There's an employee at the ol' temp job named Immaculate. I would refuse to call her that. "Pick another name. Or another adjective. I'm not calling you Immaculate." If you had a name like that, wouldn't you side with a nickname by the age of about 10? Like Imma, or Mac or something. Even Culate is better.

Crazy Sprinkler Lady

2008-10-08T21:30:00.001-04:00

Awesome.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Dear John McCain and Sarah Palin,

2008-10-08T16:52:00.003-04:00

This is why you don't inject race, Hussein, and implications that Obama is a terrorist sympathizer, into the campaign.

There are millions of people like this, who have been waiting for someone with authority to second their opinions. Now the McCain-Palin campaign has done so. These lunatics now have reason to believe that McCain-Palin are in favor of their cause. In their minds, their ignorance has been validated. Until John Mccain and Sarah Palin denounce the racist resentment that they are fueling, they are a national disgrace.

For more on this, see the blog I wrote earlier in the day about racism in the campaign.

Thanks to Andrew Sullivan for sharing the video.

This might be a bigger issue than serving on an education board with Bill Ayers

2008-10-08T12:49:00.000-04:00

Racism is Not Good

2008-10-08T10:28:00.009-04:00

Political campaigns are and have always been littered with dishonesty. Some statements are exaggerations, while others are outright lies. There is a broad line between these kinds of statements and those which provoke hatred. The latter is dangerous and has no place in politics.

I thought Senator McCain was above injecting racism into the election, but the rhetoric of his campaign over the past few days has proven me wrong. I am in disbelief. McCain is not racist. I don't think Governor Palin is either. But their campaign has no problem with catering to people's racism.

Usually, politicians will play to national security fears, with race only playing a part in southern elections. The Willie Horton ad in 1988 is the only time I can think of it being a prominent issue in a national campaign. And although incendiary, the attack didn't teeter on personal danger for Michael Dukakis. The same goes for the 2006 ad attacking Harold Ford, a black candidate for the U.S. Senate in Tennessee. There were vague racist remarks against him, the most brutal being an ad that played into a southern fear that black men will take their white women. While racist and full of resentment, it was not something that would incite hatred.

The past few days of McCain-Palin attacks are nothing short of an attempt to incite hatred. Their campaign must realize that there are racist people who have been waiting for a national mouthpiece for their cause. The McCain-Palin campaign is becoming that mouthpiece. I don't think they realize how serious this is. There are thousands of people who will want to assassinate any non-white president. Playing to that hate would only embolden them to act on their ignorance. I'm genuinely afraid for Obama now.

A few months ago, David Duke, the former KKK leader, said that he would like to see Obama elected, because it would "set off the race war." There are people who are serious about this. And the McCain-Palin campaign is giving them words to rally around, whether it is intentional or not.

Over the past two days, audience members at McCain-Palin rallies have shouted, loudly, "Terrorist," "Traitor," and "Kill him." And McCain's and Palin's response? Nothing. Anyone with any trace of self-respect would repudiate such comments. But McCain grimaced and, said nothing. He clearly doesn't approve, but to be silent is to condone. Palin, on the other hand, kept her fake, beauty-pageant smile. I'm surprised she didn't wink. Their inaction is dangerous. In all fairness, it is unclear whether the shout of "Kill him" was in reference to Obama or Ayers. And while no one is responsible for the opinions of others, politicians who are in the race for leader of the free world have a responsibility to step up and counter ignorance with enlightenment. That is a basic human virtue.

Another instance, which their spokesperson actually condemned, was a Sheriff referring to Obama at a Palin rally as "Barack HUSSEIN Obama," and getting massive cheers in return. The Sherriff refuses to apologize, because that is in fact Barack Obama's middle name. But the obvious reason that it was invoked is Islam-ophobia. There is a reason people don't say, "John SIDNEY McCain." People aren't afraid of Australia.

Although Palin's spokesperson condemned the use of Hussein, she has said worse and she has never rescinded her statements. She continues to campaign on the notion that Obama "is not one of us." She claims that she is not trying to stoke racist fears, but "Not one of us" is a phrase and mentality that has been used by racists since the onset of racism and phrases. It implies that blacks and whites are different. This is a Plessy vs Ferguson era phrase (Plessy vs Ferguson was a Supreme Court case whose decision I disagree with). It was the phrase of segregation. How can she say it doesn't contain racial undertones?

The phrase that has been getting all of the media attention has been Palin's claim that Obama is known to "Pal around with terrorists who targeted our country." (Before getting into the racial fear, let's acknowledge that she said, "Pal around..." She's running for VP and she said, "Pal around.") She's referring to Obama serving on a non-profit board with Bill Ayers, a man who founded an anti-Vietnam war group about 40 years ago. Ayers did and said some very awful things. There's no excuse for his words or actions. However, these things happened decades ago and have absolutely nothing to do with Obama. The issue was investigated during the primaries and dismissed.

Bringing up Ayers at this point is a move of desperation. The aspect that makes it more despicable is the fact that Palin doesn't mention Ayers by name in the attack. She only says that Obama pals around with “terrorists who targeted our country." Notice, not terrorist, but terrorists. It is a thinly veiled attempt to associate Barack HUSSEIN Obama with 9-11 and Al Qaeda. And to plant the seed that just maybe Obama is a terrorist, and just maybe he approves of their actions and beliefs.

I never thought that any politician could stoop this low. It has been left to the candidate who winks during a debate to do so. Her candidacy is a farce. We've known that from the beginning. Injecting racism only makes it more apparent. Their campaign's claim that these comments aren't racial makes one wonder if they are even more ignorant than Palin herself has appeared in interviews.

It is now up to John McCain to speak out against all of this talk, and acknowledge Obama as an esteemed U.S. Senator who is as patriotic as any American, and whose skin color and name are irrelevant to his ideas and character. For some reason, I doubt this will happen.

In response to a couple congressmen calling out their campaign on these statements, a McCain spokesperson replied,“It is disappointing that Barack Obama and his supporters continue to play the race card from the bottom of the deck..." Unbelievable.

Gotta be Dapper Dan

2008-10-08T09:38:00.003-04:00

I just discovered that my roommate hasn't seen O Brother Where Art Thou? I'm dissappointed, because he has seen Underworld 2. I'm a huge Cohen Brothers fan. This movie has two of my favorite lines in movie history. "He's bona fide," and "It's gotta be Dapper Dan." Anyway, I brought it up to him, and he said he hadn't seen it. So I sent him the clip of them going to the radio station to record I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow, which also has a great line - "I'm not here to make a record, ya dumb cracker."

Then I stumbled onto this video of the people who are actually performing the music in the movie. The performance is great, but that's not why I'm posting this. I'm posting it because at the 1:41 mark, they cut to a guy who is clapping in a way that man has not seen. It's like he's putting his whole body into it. Watch and enjoy.

Debate Notes

2008-10-07T21:30:00.006-04:00

-McCain:"We can attack health care and the economy at the same time." Yeah, but we can't handle the economy and a debate at theh same time?

-McCain: "Obama's tax proposals are like nailing Jell-O to a wall. There's been so many versions of them, you don't know what they are anymore."

That is an awful joke. I can't even guess the logic he was going for. That's the equivalent of, Yo' mama so tall, she can't read.

-McCain just said fixing Social Security is easy. "We just need to sit down at a table." Medicare is just as easy. We need to "bring people together to come up with solutions."

The specificity is almost boring.

-McCain was wandering around the stage, aimlessly, as Obama was talking. Was he lost? What the hell was going on there?

-In the context of Iran attacking Israel, McCain suggested we spurn the UN and form a "league of democracies." What? Does he not know what the UN is? I realize the Russia-China issue there. What about NATO. He was trying to come up with a new idea when the standards in place are sufficient.

Judas H. Priest

2008-10-03T11:52:00.000-04:00

"Say it ain't so, Joe, there you go again pointing backwards again. You preferenced [sic] your whole comment with the Bush administration. Now doggone it, let's look ahead and tell Americans what we have to plan to do for them in the future. You mentioned education and I'm glad you did. I know education you are passionate about with your wife being a teacher for 30 years, and god bless her. Her reward is in heaven, right? I say, too, with education, America needs to be putting a lot more focus on that and our schools have got to be really ramped up in terms of the funding that they are deserving. Teachers needed to be paid more. I come from a house full of school teachers. My grandma was, my dad who is in the audience today, he's a schoolteacher, had been for many years. My brother, who I think is the best schoolteacher in the year, and here's a shout-out to all those third graders at Gladys Wood Elementary School, you get extra credit for watching the debate,"

- Sarah Palin on her plans for education policy last night.

-Excerpted from Andrew Sullivan.

She beat the expectations...

2008-10-03T11:27:00.003-04:00

However, the expectations were set so low that she could have blew spit-bubbles for 90 minutes and it would have been hailed as a "brave performance." She did prove that she can read from note cards and wink, just like Jefferson and Teddy Roosevelt used to do.

AFL-CIO's Richard Trumka

2008-10-02T14:10:00.002-04:00

He's talking about the racism against Obama. Very good speech.

What an embarrassment

2008-10-02T10:57:00.002-04:00

Highlights of Palin's incompetence. If it was a sketch, it would be phenomenal.

My favorite more subtle quotes:

"...Um, scary thing..."

During the Fox News interview, "Breaking News: Palin: Real Reform is Tough, and You Do Ruffle Some Feathers".

This campaign doesn't seem to understand that the days of winning elections on the basis of "I love flags and Jesus," are over.

Is it really split?

2008-10-01T19:28:00.001-04:00

Do not eat at this place.

2008-10-01T16:31:00.002-04:00

Next time you're on vacation in Jersey City, do not eat Chinese food at the Chinese place on Central Avenue, between Bowers and South. Why? Because they're dicks. I'm involved in maybe 0-4 verbal altercations per year. They're usually with a soccer ref about a bad call. And they usually end after about 5 seconds with both of us deciding it doesn't matter. Yesterday's spat will not go away as easily. They are complete dicks. I can't stress that enough.

Backstory: I'm not opposed to cooking. But I hate going to the grocery store. Therefore, unless someone goes to the grocery store for me, I usually buy food from restaurants. Why not go to a grocery store instead of a restaurant? Because when I go to a restaurant, if I want a burger and fries, I tell them and they give it to me. If I go to a grocery store, I have to get 10 different things from 10 different locations. I hate it. Put it all together. Put the ground beef, cheese, ketchup, mustard and buns together. Why do I have to go to different sides of the grocery store to get milk and chocolate syrup. What else are people using chocolate syrup for? Put it with the milk.

I got sidetracked. That wasn't the backstory at all. The correct backstory: I have very few restaurant choices in my neighborhood, due to my neighborhood sucking. I used to live a two miles away in Hoboken and could find any type of food I could think of by walking for 5 minutes. Two miles away, in the same city atmosphere, my only options are two pizza places, Burger King, Blimpie, Subway, and a Chinese place run by complete dicks. I can't eat pizza every day. I try not to eat fast food. And I don't like Blimpie and Subway. About once per week, that leaves me with the only option of Chinese food, served by a dick.

Before last night, every time I've been there, they've charged me a different price for sesame chicken with brown rice. But whenever I told them it wasn't the price on the menu, they came up with different reasons for overcharging me. My favorites are: Fryer Surcharge and 50 cents credit card surcharge. The fryer surcharge was so ballsy that I had to respect it. It's like when McCain put out the "Obama wants to teach your children about sex before they can read" ad. So ballsy. Although it's not honest, you have to just think, "Whoa, balls. Respect. Kind of."

Last night, Quincy and I went there. Quincy ordered Beef Chow Fun, "no sprouts." When he said this, the cashier gave him a look like she was offended and shot back, "Sprouts? No sprouts? Why you say 'no sprouts'?"

"Because I don't want sprouts."

With a look of utter disgust, she replied, "We don't put sprouts."

They do normally put sprouts in it. That's why he said it. He replied, "Okay. That's fine. As long as there are no sprouts."

"So why you say no sprouts then?"

"Just make it the way you make it."

"No sprouts... I don't know why you say that."

It was my turn. I ordered the same thing I order EVERY time, since I learned the first time that they put red peppers in sesame chicken.

"Sesame chicken, no peppers, and brown rice."

"No peppers?"

"Right."

"We don't use peppers."

"Okay."

"But we don't use peppers."

I can't let this go. "Well you did in the past, so that's why I ordered it like that."

"Maybe somewhere else. Maybe you eat somewhere else."

"No. It was here. Look, I just want sesame chicken and brown rice."

"But why you say 'no peppers'? Look at picture on menu. No peppers."

"Please just give me sesame chicken and brown rice."

"Look at picture. We don't put peppers."

Then Quincy ordered a Snapple. She didn't add anything up. Instead she just said, "$12." I didn't want to argue. I have no idea of how she came up with such a round number. It should have been just over $10. I didn't care though. I hated her so much, I just wanted to pay, get the food and leave.

A few minutes later, we got our food. I wanted to check my rice before leaving. Sure enough, they gave me white rice. When I was opening it, the cashier said, "What you look at your food for?"

"This is white rice. I ordered brown rice." I handed the white rice to her.

"You don't get brown rice."

"But I ordered brown rice."

"You can't have brown rice."

"I always get brown rice here."

"No. You want brown rice, you pay $1 more."

"No. I've never had to pay more. Look at the menu. It says I can get white or brown rice."

"I don't give to you if you don't give me $1."

"Are you serious?"

"$1."

"What is wrong with... never mind. Give me back my white rice. I'm never coming back here. You suck."

I admit that's a pretty pathetic closing statement. But I think she got the point that I hate her. Next time you're vacationing in Jersey City, don't go to this place.

Too funny

2008-10-01T14:29:00.002-04:00

Alaska's senior Senator Ted Stevens is under federal indictment for seven charges. Very corrupt. Also vain. He has a charity called The Ted Stevens Foundation. Their goal is to "assist in educating and informing the public about the career of Senator Ted Stevens.(Wikipedia)."

Following suit, Don Young, equally as corrupt, and their lone Congressman, has made up an award called "Hero of the Taxpayer," and claims the watchdog Taxpayers for Common Sense gave it to him. They've given him one award in their history. It was the opposite kind of award, given for the Bridge to Nowhere.

Doesn't make any sense...

2008-10-01T11:06:00.002-04:00

Palin has long been a global warming "critic." I put it in quotes because she uses no facts to back up her claims. McCain, on the other hand, understands and cedes to scientists on issues of science. As a result, Palin has had to halfway embrace that it could be man-made. In her only two legit interviews, she has stated that man's activities may have contributed to warming to some extent, but not entirely. And natural warming cycles are just as responsible. After making these two "points," she states that regardless of whether it's man-made or natural, we have to do something about it. Guess what, dumbass? If it's natural, we can't do anything about it. You want to change the sun? Sure. Go for it. And if she thinks that dinosaurs lived with people 6,000 years ago, then she definitely isn't referring to geoengineering. She's just making a blind rhetorical statement. I don't know why Couric and Gibson didn't call her out on this obvious contradiction.

For the record, the last 11-year solar cycle has been essentially dormant when compared to recent cycles. The solar flares that Senator Inhoffe likes to bring up as being responsible for increased temperatures are fabricated. I guess he has an inside source at the sun, who is getting better data than NASA. He's been claiming for years that this is the case. Then why are the temperatures increasing at a much higher rate at the poles where there is no vegetation to absorb the CO2? Oh, because of campaign donations. That's right.

The simplest way to dispel this solar activity myth is to look at the temperature variance between the troposphere and stratosphere. The troposphere is the lowest level of atmosphere, with the stratosphere being next. The temperatures of the two should increase and decrease at the same rate. However, as greenhouse gases have trapped heat, the troposphere is comparatively warmer than it should be in accordance to the temperature of the stratosphere.

This is a little nerdy for a comedy blog. My bad. I just hate it when people try to discredit science.

Pathetic

2008-09-30T09:06:00.006-04:00

Palin makes Bush look like Churchill. It seems like a bad movie. Here's the thing: Bush is smart. He is. He is a bad speaker who makes brash decisions. But he is smart. He has the intellectual capacity to be president, but lacks the judgment. He has degrees from Harvard and Yale. No matter who your father is, that's still a feat. But we make fun of Bush. People say he's dumb because he isn't as charismatic as Clinton, Reagan and JFK. But we know he isn't actually dumb like someone who listens to Creed is dumb.

With that said, in comparison to the below interview with Katie Couric, Palin makes Bush's, "Is our children learning?" look like Churchill and Lincoln. "Is our children learning?" is closer to Churchill's "Never have so few given so much for many," and Lincoln's, "It is to these honored dead that we give increased devotion to the cause for which they gave their last full measure of devotion," than it is to Palin's absolute drivel. It appears that she might be certifiably dumb. Not only does she know less about every issue than the people who are interviewing her, but she knows less than the average American.

It's now easy to see which parent her baby takes after. And don't get offended. I'm not insulting the baby. It's actually a compliment. When was the last time someone said a Down Syndrome baby could be Vice President?

I was hanging out with a friend yesterday who is a "Military Republican." He was saying that there is no way he can possibly vote for McCain. He said the only way he could do it is if one day before the election, McCain had a nationally televised physical at which the doctor said, "I guarantee that John McCain will live for at least four more years." That's what it would take. Although I'm not thrilled with the prospect of a McCain presidency, it would be a step in the right direction from where we are now. But if McCain so much as catches a cold, I'm applying for a work VISA for the UK seconds after the first sneeze. Before he can even pick up a tissue, my application will be filed.

There are now reports that CBS didn't air two interview questions because their responses were "too embarrassing." The McCain-Palin campaign has admitted that one of the questions was about Supreme Court nominations. Couric asked Palin to discuss any Supreme Court cases, other than Roe vs Wade, that were important to her. According to CBS News and the campaign, she gave a blank stare and said nothing.

Don't blink or think.

2008-09-25T08:59:00.002-04:00

-Yesterday at the ol' temp job (4 weeks left), I had to oversee a murder mystery show. I'm serious. They pay me to do this.

Alright, now I can't say that it was a good or bad murder mystery show, because I have no basis for comparison. No one ever died on Scooby-Doo, and I've never seen Clue. I will just say that as far as entertainment goes... not so great. Most of the new hires, who were participating loved it though. I guess it was a good tool to get to know new people. Quincy (I got my roommate to come) and I were not so into it though. This was a joke from the show:

Man: Mr. X is sleeping with the fishes.
Man 2: He's in Miami?

That's what we were dealing with.

Everyone split into teams, and had to come up with team names. Quincy and I decided to remain spectators. They made everyone else play, but not us. In case they made us play, I had three team names on the ready. Choice 1: Thunder Hole. If they thought that was inappropriate, the back-up was Pussy Maniacs. If they didn't approve of that, choice three was Maniacal Pussy. Unfortunately, we never had a chance to announce our team name.

They did trivia games. The winners got clues to solve the murder. One trivia game was TV theme songs. Ten people, one from each team, stood in a line, like a firing squad. Except instead of holding guns in their hands, they held noisemakers in their mouths. The ones that you blow and the paper rolls out. These would be their buzzers. First person to get three themes wins. A guy from one of the teams got three straight. Not only did he know them, but he noisemade faster than everyone. We will call this guy Harold.

At the end of the show, there was a three-way tie, because three teams correctly guessed the murderer. The tie-break went to the first person to get two TV themes. That's how they do it in the real world too. I think. Harold represented his team again. He got the first one, which was The Nanny. Who the hell knows the theme from The Nanny? A loser, that's who. I forgot that show ever existed. The clincher was Third Rock From the Sun. He got that one too. When he realized he won, he yelled, "Yeah!!!" and pumped his fist in the air, like he just threw a touchdown in the Super Bowl. Then, and I swear this happened, he SPIKED the noise-maker. He was serious. He slammed it to the ground and yelled more. I like that he thought he was making new friends, but eliminated all potential friends in the process.

Advice: If you know the theme song from The Nanny, don't let people know that.
Advice Part II: Never spike a noise-maker. Ever.

-I did a college in PA last week. They took me to a restaurant prior to the show. Outside the front door, a mother was pointing and yelling at her 2-3-year-old daughter, "No one wants to hear you yell. Do you understand me?" Like, seriously yelling. Hypocrite alert. I would have paid $10,000 for the mother's mother to walk up, and yell the same to her.

- Palin repeatedly has said "You can't blink," in reference to everything. In reality, you probably should do a little more than blink. Maybe you should even think. After watching her latest interactions with the press, I believe she "didn't blink" when McCain asked her to be VP. I think she answered that question in the same way you or I would be at a bar and answer someone asking, "Do you have a lighter?" Or, "Hey, do you want to play soccer?"
"Sure, I'd love to play soccer." And then she shows up at the field, is wearing a dress and doesn't know any of the rules. Then we find out that she doesn't really want to play. But she's a good sport and just wanted to have fun. If you doubt me, watch the video below. I don't think she wants to be running for VP. Every clip I've seen from the Couric interview has been painful.

Watch CBS Videos Online

- My most-hated word for the past few months has been "maverick." Every time I hear it, my left ball aches a little. I don't know why. It just does. I don't know why they're using it. We don't want a maverick president. After the last eight years, the last thing we need is a president with a go-it-alone approach. That's also called arrogance. Now, I don't think McCain is like that. It's just a bad label that they're applying to themselves. Same goes for them attacking Democrats for being "elitists" for the past century. It's good to be elite. That means you're the best. Since when is it bad to be elite? It's like mocking someone for being smart. I know what they're trying to say though: arrogant. That's what they're trying to say. But arrogant and elite are even similar.

That's So Clayken

2008-09-24T10:41:00.003-04:00

-Under the shroud of the current economic meltdown, Clay Aiken has announced that he's gay. Oh boy, was my gaydar off or what? For years, my friends have referenced Clayken as the benchmark for butt-wrangling. It's always, "I'm no Clayken, but I'm still pretty popular with women," or "That pimp thinks he's a Clayken. But he'll never be Clayken," or "I was snatching up butt like Clayken at a church luncheon."

Look at the guy. How is he gay? He's hugging Tyra Banks. She's a woman.

And look at this. Is there something gay about being stylish and suave?

I have a question. If he's gay, then what does that make me? And what about Ruben Studdard? Poor Ruben Studdard.

I just can't believe that Clayken is actually gay. He must be faking it in order to take advantage of all of the civil liberties that are only allowed for gay people, such as not being allowed to get married, not being able to openly serve in the military, and being called a "faggot" by Ann Coulter.

If he's gay, then how did he just have a baby with a woman? Huh? Riddle me that. He had a baby with a woman. Sure they didn't have sex. He was probably tired. Or stressed out from work. But it was HIS sperm. His sperm. In a vagina. Come on, what's more straight that? I don't even do that. That must make me super-gay. Hey Clayken, want a condom? "Nope. Condoms are for fags. I'm putting my sperm in a vagina. Yipee!" Whoa Clayken, you aren't gay. You can't use that word. Wait, now you are gay? Then what's with the sperm in the woman, the badass poses, and most of all... the turtlenecks?

Okay, no more sarcasm. I'm trying to think of where this ranks in the list of people who came out of the closet publicly even though the public didn't realize the closet existed. There was another recent outing whom I can't remember. If you can think of it, leave it in the comments. As of now, the rankings are:

1. The Village People - One of the funniest things ever in the universe is the fact that they were in the closet for years, and people just thought they were cool. Nope. Maybe they were cool. But that's not why they dressed the way they did and had sex with other men. They started a new genre of cool: Gay-Cool. I don't even know what I'm talking about now.

2. Elton John - He used to perform in white suits or covered in glitter, depending on the moon. He also wore star-shaped glasses. Huge gayface. People had no idea he was gay until he told them. This explains why so many people think President Bush was behind 9/11 and we faked the moon landing.

3. One of my brothers - One Christmas, my niece came over to my mom's house. She and my brother were wearing the same boots. He still wasn't out of the closet. He also wore women's clothes for about a year before coming out. He is now in a gay dance troupe (aren't all dance troupes gay?) called Crayola.

4. Boy George - Come on.

5. Clayken - See above.

6. Lance Bass - I really can't believe anyone was surprised by this or the guy from New Kids on the Block. Never be surprised if a member of a boy band ends up being gay. Always assume they are.

-I was just sent a casting notice for someone who can "roller-blade while holding a casket." I would submit for it, but you have to own roller-blades. Here's the thing: How do you find out if you can roller-blade while holding a casket? When has that funeral ever happened, unless there was a funeral on Pacific Blue?

Obama wants our taxes!

2008-09-22T10:15:00.000-04:00

A McCain attack ad made by Quincy and I.

This is not good.

2008-09-18T13:21:00.002-04:00

Palin's foreign policy experience is being Russia's ("formerly the Soviet Union," as she pointed out) neighbor.
McCain has recently referred to Putin as the President of Russia. He hasn't been for some time now. He confuses Sunni and Shi'a regularly. That's a big no-no. That's like getting the north and south mixed up in our civil war. And he spoke of Czeckoslovakia, a country which hasn't existed in over a decade. His latest slip was in regards to Spain. I thought the media was blowing it out of proportion. He has to know they are a close ally. He has to know who their prime minister is. He's running for president. But here he is in an interview, talking about Prime Minister Zapatero as if he's never heard of him, and as if he's Chavez. The interviewer does mistakenly refer to Zapatero as the president, but I don't think that's what threw him off. There's no excuse for this. The 2004 Spanish election was huge because Zapatero ran on the promise of withdrawing from Iraq, against Aznar, who was committed to staying. It was the peak of international backlash against the war. Anyone in or running for office has to know this.

Kosher

2008-09-18T07:59:00.002-04:00

-Kosher cake is awesome. Never pass up an opportunity to eat some.

-Worst campaign music choices:
Obama/Democrats: That country song that now plays at the end of every Obama appearance. It's terrible. I'm guessing the first time Obama heard it, his reaction was, "What the fuck is this? Make it stop." Then he was told that it has to play because it reminds racist people that his mother is white and he knows other white people. And it contains a line about a kid growing up to be president. You used to be a kid. Now you may be president. It's a sign.
The other bad song from the Democrats was John Edwards being introduced to John Cougar Melloncamp's "Small Town" at every event in 2004 and 2008. He was in a rough position though because Melloncamp was a vocal supporter and has a song about growing up in a "Small Town." It's like someone giving you a ride to work every day. Then you mention that you need to buy some new shirts. They tell you that they're a fashion designer on the side and offer you some shirts. The shirts are horrible, but you need that ride to work. It's just like that. I'm sure you can relate.
McCain/Republicans: Giuliani used "Born in the USA" during the primaries. It's about a Vietnam vet being mistreated when he returns home. Oops.
Cindy McCain was introduced at the convention to Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'." I'm on record stating that this is one of the worst songs to ever be popular. But I accept that people like it. Same goes for mushrooms. The problem wasn't that this was her intro music, it was that they played the entire song, while cutting to hundreds of senior citizens in the crowd who looked confused or like they were having a heart attack. Once the song was over, she walked out. Longest intro ever. During the whole song, I was looking all over the arena, thinking she was going to do a surprise WWF entrance, like Mankind being under the ring, Sting and Owen Hart (except that one time) coming out of the rafters, or she could have come through the crowd like the 1-2-3 Kid. If she came down from the rafters or rolled out from under the stage, with brass-knuckles on, McCain would have my unconditional vote.
The most awkward convention music possible, short of Me So Horny and Darling Nicky, goes to the Republicans for playing "Shook Me All Night Long." Think about what that had to do to the comfort level. I don't know if you noticed the demographics at this convention, but it was 70% old white people, 29% young white people that I would never hang out with, and five black guys who I'm convinced were performing an experiment. Picture that group of people listening to these lyrics:

She wanted no applause
Just another course
Made a meal out of me and came back for more
Had to cool me down
To take another round
Now I'm back in the ring to take another swing

It's a song about marathon sex. I don't even feel comfortable listening to it with my girlfriend. I don't know how the senior citizens and the pink sweater and pearls combo lasted. I'm sure a lot of prayer was involved.

By the way, Sarah Palin's theme song should be Ace of Base's "All That She Wants." Although it's about a girl being a slut, trying to get pregnant and run off on her own, it contains the line, "I've made up my mind. I'm keeping my baby." That would rile up the base. "Aww, she's keeping the baby! That's so admirable to not get an abortion for the sole reason that he's retarded. Let's make her president!"

Ricky Gervais is a genius.

2008-09-17T09:56:00.000-04:00