“Hey man. You rocked my socks off, for real. Good business. Good business.”

-MJ Walls, student at Eureka College, commenting on my show.If you want me to rock your socks off, for real. Or if you’re just a fan of good business in general, book me for your show. I will attempt to remove your socks and practice good business.

“I’ve been using Tide with Bleach for years. It gets my whites whiter and my brights brighter. Thank you, Tide!”

-Brenda J, of Tallahassee, FL

“The only product that I swear by is Dave Weckyl drumsticks, by Vic Firth. Although they break easily, they’re fast, have a slow enough taper, and just feel natural!”

-Ryan C, of Hoboken, NJ

“I used to steal. I mean really steal. Like everything. Then I started reading Ryan Conner’s blog. Not only did I stop stealing right away, but people started giving me money. In only three short weeks, I was given $7 billion dollars for, what I’m told, is a glow about me that can only be attributed to my reading Ryan Conner’s blog.”

-Jim D, Anytown, USA

“I meant to visit Ryan Conner porn-star’s site, but when typing, I accidentally typed It’s not really the same, but it’s good enough to get the job done.”

-Burt, Richmond, VA

“Stand-Up Phenom.”

-On-Tap Magazine, DC’s Leading Entertainment Magazine.

“Extremely funny… has all the makings of a great stand-up.”

-Punchline Magazine,

Stand-up comic, writer, and has a textbook jump-shot.